Rule #29: When is an EPMS not an EPMS?
Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
Saddle bags: how do we define them? Is it a saddle bag if it attaches to the seat post and the saddle, if it has a zipper, if it is leather, has two natty straps with buckles, if it swings below the saddle like bumper bollocks?
I weaned myself off a discreet EPMS after twenty-five years of use. I was not happy about transferring the contents to a rear pocket but I’m a team player so I conformed. Previous to that was the ‘core sew-up tire held under the saddle with spare toe clip strap. Back then bikes only had one bidon cage, held on with paint ruining metal clamps. The position forward of the seat tube was reserved for a silca frame pump. Some ride with a tire in a jersey pocket, but with no second bidon to bastardize, it usually had to go under the seat. At least we weren’t wearing tires around the shoulders. I’m not that old, FFS.
When I see professional cyclists out training here, they rock the EPMS. Am I going to correct Ryder, not in this life. I couldn’t catch him to start with, if I did I would be too winded to explain myself and really, why? If you ride clincher tires, with inner-tubes or sealant, one has to carry some tire levers and a spare tube, at a minimum. My custom waterproof phone/money/drivers license/inner-tube/levers/5mm allen wrench bag was a fat bastard. Getting things out of it quickly or elegantly was near impossible.
Then Lezyne came to the rescue with the waterproof mobile phone/money/card /fits in cycling jersey pocket, wallet. They actually didn’t come to the rescue, I paid retail for it but the design rescued me with its brilliance. The phone is in a safe waterproof compartment yet one can access and operate it through the clear plastic window. So all that went into my center rear pocket, but left me with a tube/levers/5mm allen key to stow, in another pocket? Nay, it’s the Lezyne caddy sack, I’m thinking this tucks under the seat, held with old toe clip strap; the clincher rider’s spare tire, without the tire. It’s a sew-up without the outer casing. It’s a nod to the old school in a nice waterproof pvc dry sack, and yes, that is crap.
What does Frank say? I believe his words will be something like “What you have here is a crude looking EPMS held under you saddle with a nasty looking old strap.” Where does he store his spare sew-up tire? I’m already abusing Rule #1, Rule #30 and now Rule #31 too. Luckily or sadly, he is many miles away probably won’t get wind of this.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/j.andrews3@comcast.net/EPMS/”/]
this is mine, and i have a spare one for sale… ;-D
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/6/apqw.jpg/
@TommyTubolare
That’s a feature, not a fault.
@Nate
A wrong feature.
Modern carbon EM, maybe? Not from that period and not with Campagnolo.
@frank
Nice puncture kit presentation. All you need to do now is to remember to take it with you on your rides.
@TommyTubolare
You’ll need to take this up with our resident authority on Italian style, @PedaleForchetta. Word of warning though, he’s gonna disagree with you…
@TommyTubolare
That was a point I should have presented. It’s nice having the repair kit stay with the bike, always.
@pistard
Alas, we are weak Velomanati and were distracted by temptations of the flesh.
@pistard
@TommyTubolare
The pedals are a flagerant breach, but what’s wrong with a Campa-equipped Merckx?
Not to mention this (although technically it was a Colnago, I know I know)
@frank
I think you misunderstood my post.EM with Campagnolo all the way, especially older models hence my post about the pedals.Modern, carbon frames I wouldn’t care so much.
@Lolito
I didn’t realize it was even possible to have an even uglier EPMS! My poor eyes…
@Balexander
But wait… that cluster is hanging on a Giant mountain bike. Scroll through some of the other pictures on the page.
It’s not on a road bike, so I’m wondering – Do we care?
@JACD214 Good catch. Inattention to detail is what happens when I’m only caring to procrastinate.
@frank
Remind me of your qualifications to express opinions on what is a good pedal?
@eightzero
+1000. this is the most important point made. i can’t stand anything extra being on my bike; i make a concession to lights only when they’re absolutely necessary for survival. and even then, i try to keep them in my pockets until they’re needed (unless they’re too damn bulky for that; looking at you lezyne mega drive).
did anyone notice the pump strapped to his down tube bidon cage? seriously?!? wtf is the world coming to?
personally, after not using one for long enough, i can’t stand the EPMS any more. even with the tightest, smallest one possible i can still somehow feel it with my legs and it drives me NUTS. my only issue is, much like the sentiment quoted above, i hate having a pump sticking out of my jersey pocket. but the lezyne road drive is the only pump worth using. so i’m stuck…
@Kiwicyclist
That’s not actually her bike? Damn, another fantasy comes crashing to the ground like the Hindenburg…
I’m sorry, but when you start to look like a camel (@ the engine) then maybe the time has come to get a small EPMS.
@mrs engine
Or carry less shit…
I carry a mini pump, three tyre levers, an inner tube and maybe a piece of old tyre (in case something unexpected manages to cause damage to my tyre wall) all in a single elastic band. This could all fit in the same pocket as my phone should I desire. I have been known to carry a multitool, but that’s tiny…
Seriously @Gianni… what’s going on in your head?
@the Engine Thats always been your problem though. Just look at the bag you took on holiday JUST for your cycling kit! Jaysus……
@mrs engine
Fixed your post
@the Engine
You wish!
@Lukas
Spot on, old cock. I don’t understand why you all carry pumps either. CO2 is the only solutIon. I don’t need to prove I’m not lazy by hand pumping tyres. Lazy people do not go on 100 km rides.
@Ken Ho But is it a lazy 100 km ??
An EPMS is considered always a not — or a no.
For the record. Recent Maui EPMS amputations.
Forgive rotation…smart phone indeed.
So I just got my new edition of Peloton magazine and there, about two pages in, across a double-page ad for Castelli is none other than David Millar; out training somewhere near Villamari, Spain with not only a pump clipped to his down-tube but also a saddle-bag discretely hanging from his saddle. When I can out-ride David Millar, I will adhere to this aspect of The Rules. Until then, I remain unrepentant.
@PT just because they make shit so people buy it doesn’t mean we have to.
That is true Piwakawaka, but I don’t think Castelli make either pumps or other accessories. They just make clothes and the ad is for clothes. The accouterments on his bike are incidental to the ad.
@PT there is nothing incidental in any advertising.
Is this an EPMS? ;)
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/201094579257?clk_rvr_id=648211580586
@Dan Looks like a recipe for suddenly finding a sharp object up your jacksie.
Hi friends, how is the whole thing, and what you want to say about this article, in my
view itss actually remarkable designed for me.
Much like the Lezyne phone pouch, I have the Rapha essentials case, which is big enough to hole a small multi tool, 2 CO2s and the inflater, some cash and bank card, tyre levers and a patch kit because I’m too cheap and don’t know enough about tubulars to be using them. If I had a smaller phone, it would fit in there too. I keep a spare tube either in a jersey pocket or taped under my saddle.