Guest Article: Breaking the Rules- A Note on Rule #50
I have no dog in this fight but @Henrik does. I can’t swim in the serious ‘stache growing gene pool. And yes, it’s already Vajanuary, we left Mo’vember with nary a nod, why, because it’s stupid. Rule #50 could have included having the last name Freuler and wearing the prison stripped Atala kit as the second exception for facial hair, for he was a stud. I could be accused of putting too many photos of him on this site already and to that, I would plead happily guilty.
VLVV, Gianni
Personally I consider myself an enforcer of The Rules constantly (though admittedly with at least an effort of subtlety) correcting friends and family over issues such as how to wear their shades, sock length, or the the dreaded long-tights-short-sleeves-combination. However, complete compliance with The Rules is hard. I have on several occasions been caught with a premature aero tuck (I defend myself with the need to practice) and back in the day I have also been seen rolling around in unforgivably hi-viz jackets and jerseys.
More recently there is only one Rule that I regularly and willingly break: Rule #50. The no facial hair rule. This Rule states that the only facial hair allowed is a goatee and then only if your name starts with Marco and ends with Pantani. I have neither goatee nor the appropriate name and thus my moustachoid appearance is in clear violation.
But this transgression is not just mindless ignorance, I do have feelings about this Rule. Currently””and admittedly for quite some time””facial hair is a rarity in the pro peloton. There are of course the comedy moustache of Dave Zabriskie (which wasn’t particularly nice looking), Wiggo’s now-shaven sideburns, and the slight and youthful pencil-moustache of Lochlan Morton. Otherwise, it is a rarity (though out of competition ‘staches can be spotted regularly, see the “Movember” article on Cycling Tips). In the history of cycling, and especially in the early days, things were quite different. Maurice Garin had moustache of course, and so did many of his contemporaries. As was pointed out on Velominati, Urs Freuler wore a cyclo-stash proper thoughout his career. One could go on here but I choose not to and instead refer the reader to said article. Although there is a plentitude of historical prejudication to draw from that might instill lenience on the application of this Rule, that is not my point.
I do my best to ride all year around, in direct conflict with the place which I call home. I am a Swede currently living on the windy, and fertile plains of the south. It doesn’t get quite as cold down here as further north, but the weather is hell by any measure you choose. Every winter has snow, albeit to varying degree. Sometimes it lays around for months on end, other winters it will quickly rain away. However, since the temperature often hovers around freezing one usually will often go on rides where part of the route is snowy, part is slushy, and part is just plain wet. The relative lack of forests and flat landscape also does little to stop the winds. The summers are plenty windy but fall and winter is much worse, especially with the frequent storms. The intermediate position of southern Sweden also promises much darkness, there will hardly never be the kind of snow cover that provide some reflective light, but the days are still short, which means a lot of riding in the dark. In the last couple of weeks I have ridden in complete darkness (this is a component in almost every ride), 15 cm of snow, 25m/s winds, 1°C temperatures and relentless rain, and so on. It is impossible to stay warm and dry and one will often come home after a few hours with no sensation in hands and feet. In other words: Rules #5 and #9 comes to mind.
So the point is, one should consider The Rules not as completely set in stone, the different principles can influence one another, and compliance with some Rules can earn you the right to break others. The many hours spent freezing my nuts off, sliding across ice and slush, on dark and windy afternoons have earned me the right to sport a moustache.
@Optimiste “That’s not a beard, it’s a home-grown balaclava.”
Perfect…you just dodged a rule infraction….if it is not a beard or facial hair but in fact a type of facial barrier akin to a rhinos horn then you are in fact nowhere near breaching…Chapeau!
Masturbation Principle aside, if are going to do over to the dark side of the this rule then do it properly..don’t fuck around with bum fluff and billy goat chins….get some fur on there boys and girls!
My contribution…
@Steampunk Funny six degrees. I’ve sat at a table with him as well. My first wife grew up with the guitar player in The Hold Steady. When they’d come to town we’d go out for drinks with the band. That was right when Franz started playing with them I think.
@marko
His solo stuff is kind of fun (light years away from the Hold Steady). When he was in town he performed this new song, the title of which still makes me chuckle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKUCjUiOIFA
@Pedale.Forchetta
The wisdom of this rule is becoming clearer and clearer.
@Optimiste …a picture is worth a thousand words…
why shave the guns and leave the face, it makes no sense.
its like having a salad at McDonalds !
@Optimiste are you on a zanc as well?
Who allowed that articale to be published? Oh that’s right, the same guy trying to convince us an EPMS is acceptable! What the hell is going on here, have I stumbled into a confessional?
@Weldertron
The solution here is obvious! Obey Rule #50 and you won’t have icicles hanging from your face FFS.
@roger
Yes, and loving it. I’m on the western contingent of Mike’s road team, so we’re all riding steel.
Remember this guy?
@Puffy
Yeah, that’s right. It’s a guest article, we don’t have to agree with the guest. If he wants to walk into a buzz-saw, he can. I certainly did with my short lived EMPS escapade. These articles keep the blood flowing.
@Gianni
That implies we have to agree if it is not a guest article?
I’ve been married for over 30 years and my inlaws have never seen me Rule #50 compliant, nor have my adult children. This one just isn’t going to happen for me, ever.
@Andre the Fish @RondeVan Im just working for the Clampdown.
@Teocalli
No, disagreeing with a Keeper article just means you’re automatically wrong. Disagreeing with a Guestie means you are wrong if you diverge from the Keepers’ position on the matter.
What’s the go on a 5 o’clock shadow?
@frank
Velominati: the last Latin American dictatorship.
@sthilzy
Inevitable & approved. It means (1) you have been on the bike a very long time, and (2) shaving on race day (or long ride day) saps your energy, apparently (in some Latin American dictatorships).
@sthilzy
Never shave the morning of; stubble is a source of virility and will make you go faster. Shave, and you will lose all your mojo. I mean, you may as well have sex during the season at that point.
( Martha Stewart voice ) “Not a good thing…”
@frank
I was reading the reviews of The Book on Amazon the other day, and this is exactly the type of humor that the negative reviewers don’t seem to get.
Except for the guy who took Frank to town for having only a superficial understanding of cycling’s history and traditions. That was an entertaining read. I especially like it when he calls @Frank (and by extension, the rest of us), members of cycling’s “Nouveau Riche.”
@The Oracle
He was joking?
@unversio
What’s up with those sleeves FFS? Half length? Also looks like Wiggo’s been at the ink shop again too. Sorry to see that, I was quite enjoying the fact that most pro cyclists seemed to be tat-averse unlike some other sports where the “individuality” bestowed by tattoos simply makes them seen all the more homogeneous.
@The Oracle
That guy was actually really helpful. He pointed out almost every error in the book which we just packaged up and sent to the publisher for correction in later printings and for the US release coming up in April. I bet he never expected that.
@Steampunk
Seattle’s in Latin America? Damn, I thought it was part of Canada.
I would like to formally offer additional scientifical type evidence that the beard will make you a better cyclist…Keep the Beard – Perform better, I have proof! have a read :
http://www.inceptioncyclery.com/7/post/2014/01/why-the-beard-is-important-to-cycling-performance-roadies-take-note.html
Let me know how a beard does after 2 hours in a crit in July at %80 threshold.
Was a good weekend for the ‘tache on the cobbles.
Mighty Degs over the pave
and Alex Edmondson (younger brother of Wiggle Honda’s Annette) in the U23 Ronde