Rule #33 Dilemmas

As I write this, Rule #33 is being hammered on over in The Rules. This is a hell of a Rule, demanding legs be kept shaven at all times. I believe for most Velominati “at all times” is a tough ask. No one is saying you have to shave the guns everyday, unless you have Peter van Petegem’s five o’clock shadow twenty minutes after your morning’s shave.

If you have never done it for whatever reason, you owe it to yourself to try it once. It doesn’t reflect on your sexuality and it’s only hair, it’ll grow back. It will grow back unless you wax your legs and that might be a bit too much of an introduction. Me, I’ve never waxed anything but skis.

I think most cyclists who have never shaved their legs want to experience it but fear the awkward explanations. And it only becomes more awkward if you try to over-explain it. Plain and simple it looks awesome. It looks great like new handlebar tape looks great. And like new handlebar tape, everything keeps looking awesome with some basic maintenance. Forget the long-winded, hand-waving explanations. Most curious people are afraid to ask anyway because it’s politically insensitive to impugn your potential cross-dressing interests. They don’t want to take that chance. Cyclists put in untold hours on the road and nothing is more demoralizing than seeing sweaty, hairy legs down there.

I don’t race. I try to adhere to Rule #33 purely on aesthetic grounds. If I look better on the bike, I will feel better on the bike. Shaved legs do feel better and look better so give it a try. Does that make me a poser? I really don’t care if someone thinks that.

One thing I would love to find out is when do retired professionals stop shaving? I’m sure it’s a chore they fantasize about not keeping up with but really, if they still ride do they still shave? Robert Millar, please advise.

The weird thing is I live in a climate where shorts are most always worn so I see a lot of legs but the weird thing is more guys shave their legs than there are Cyclists out there. The is a subset of men who are naturally hairless or who are shaving their legs despite showing no other outward signs of throwing a leg over a top tube with regularity. I’m afraid to find out more.

108 Replies to “Rule #33 Dilemmas”

davidlhill says:

Feb 19 2016 at 1:58 am

@Teocalli

There was an amusing thread over there called Crispo’s Dilemma. I hadn’t spotted this tread was titled that too. I made the leap due to the Eroica thing we nearly met up at. Myself and my wife are booked to do it again this year, btw.

And yes, a Guv’nor is #3 in my stable.
Teocalli says:

Feb 19 2016 at 2:01 am

@davidlhill

@Teocalli

There was an amusing thread over there called Crispo’s Dilemma. I hadn’t spotted this tread was titled that too. I made the leap due to the Eroica thing we nearly met up at. Myself and my wife are booked to do it again this year, btw.

And yes, a Guv’nor is #3 in my stable.

Yup we are booked up for Bakewell. Staying in the Castle Hotel.
wiscot says:

Feb 19 2016 at 5:56 am

@DavyMuur

@Mikael Liddy

@DavyMuur

Ok, show of hands… Who has to shave their lower back ‘saddle’ area? That is the portion of the back where your jersey pockets would be. I’ve got a patch of really fine kind of woolly hair there that sweats like a bitch in warm weather. Just wondering if anyone else has the same problem.

not I, but I suspect your problem isn’t so much the hair on your skin there, as it is that there are things in your jersey pockets that are blocking the flow of air to your skin & therefore stopping the sweat from evaporating. It’s the same mechanism that makes my upper back seem to sweat more every time I commute, thanks to the backpack sitting on that area.

Hmm, good point. I never considered that. Oh well, I will still shave it anyway because it is beyond ridiculous.

Or, just to be the devil’s advocate here, but less stuff in your pockets and a small-as-possible EPMS?
RobSandy says:

Feb 19 2016 at 6:09 am

@wiscot

@DavyMuur

@Mikael Liddy

@DavyMuur

Ok, show of hands… Who has to shave their lower back ‘saddle’ area? That is the portion of the back where your jersey pockets would be. I’ve got a patch of really fine kind of woolly hair there that sweats like a bitch in warm weather. Just wondering if anyone else has the same problem.

not I, but I suspect your problem isn’t so much the hair on your skin there, as it is that there are things in your jersey pockets that are blocking the flow of air to your skin & therefore stopping the sweat from evaporating. It’s the same mechanism that makes my upper back seem to sweat more every time I commute, thanks to the backpack sitting on that area.

Hmm, good point. I never considered that. Oh well, I will still shave it anyway because it is beyond ridiculous.

Or, just to be the devil’s advocate here, but less stuff in your pockets and a small-as-possible EPMS?

HERETIC! BURN HIM!
DavyMuur says:

Feb 19 2016 at 4:49 pm

@RobSandy

@wiscot

@DavyMuur

@Mikael Liddy

@DavyMuur

Ok, show of hands… Who has to shave their lower back ‘saddle’ area? That is the portion of the back where your jersey pockets would be. I’ve got a patch of really fine kind of woolly hair there that sweats like a bitch in warm weather. Just wondering if anyone else has the same problem.

not I, but I suspect your problem isn’t so much the hair on your skin there, as it is that there are things in your jersey pockets that are blocking the flow of air to your skin & therefore stopping the sweat from evaporating. It’s the same mechanism that makes my upper back seem to sweat more every time I commute, thanks to the backpack sitting on that area.

Hmm, good point. I never considered that. Oh well, I will still shave it anyway because it is beyond ridiculous.

Or, just to be the devil’s advocate here, but less stuff in your pockets and a small-as-possible EPMS?

HERETIC! BURN HIM!

Something something dark side.

EPMS? NEVERRRR!
jboandrews says:

Feb 27 2016 at 8:08 pm

I live in a climate where it’s winter almost half the year. I started shaving my legs in the 70s and haven’t stopped, and keep them smooth year round. It’s the way it is, without exception. Over the winter months it adds motivation when I’m on the trainer… looking down at my shaved legs adds to the internal monologue of Phil and Paul talking about me hammering a hard solo chase of the break that includes only Merckx and Hinault.
Oli says:

Mar 13 2016 at 4:34 am

Peter Sagan ‘kicking in some holy houses’…
wilburrox says:

Mar 13 2016 at 6:20 am

@Oli

Jeeze… shoulda wore white bibs too I guess… That’d have been so punk! Whatev… Anyways, the leg hairs I’m betting, if not already, will be gone. He’s not lazy enough to waste a few watts ’cause he can’t be bothered to clean up the guns for summer. That we can be sure.