The Keepers
Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives. While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity.
All these factors combine to provide an unique atmosphere and breeds devoted and loyal disciples of our great sport. We are of a peculiar nature; we seek out the highest mountains and the roughest roads on which to worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. Our legs are what propel us; our minds are what drive us. We refer to our shaved legs in the third person – the legs – and speak of distance in kilometres and measure sizes in centimetres regardless of what country we are in. We adhere strictly to the Canon of Cycling’s Etiquette: The Rules.
A Velominatus is a disciple of the highest order. We spend our days poring over the very essence of what makes ours such a special sport and how that essence fits into Cycling’s colorful fabric. This is the Velominati’s raison d’être. This is where the Velominati can be ourselves. This is our agony – our badge of honor – our sin.
I have a unique way of looking at bicycles. A good bicycle and it’s components are beautiful things to me. I’m not just talking about appearance, but also how the frame and components show the dreams of those who made them.
– Gianni Bugno, Hardman and Italian cycling legend
Perhaps we are too wrapped up in the past, but the Velominati don’t believe that to be the case. After all, the greatest lessons can be learned from the past and those lessons can then be applied to the present and may then allow us to more fully experience the future.
The Keepers:
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The Community:
Velominati.com is less about the articles and more about the conversation. Those of you who read more and poster more, become an integral part of the discussion and help carry the momentum forward. There are several levels of Velominatus*:
Level 4 Velominatus: The casual observer and occasional poster.
Level 3 Velominatus: The regular reader and casual poster.
Level 2 Velominatus: The devoted reader and regular poster.
Level 1 Velominatus: The most committed of reader and poster.
Gray, Black, and Orange Order Velominatus: Once having passed Level 1, the inducted among the Order wear three color badges, based on their rank.
Conduct:
We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any criticism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consistently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspension. The first offense will result in a one-week suspension, the second in a two week suspension, and the third in a three week suspension. A fourth offense will result in a lifetime ban.
Velominati reserves the right to edit posts with the express interest to preserve the spirit of the conversation and the community. Regarding posts that address a grammatical or typographical error, Velominati may elect to take their input, correct the error in the articles where appropriate, and editing posts that point them out. This editorial action is not to serve as a censure entity, but to preserve the spirit of the conversation. That said, we endeavor to only edit those posts that point out a minor issue and only in the event that we make the edit before the post has yielded further discussion. Furthermore, when possible, we will strive to acknowledge said poster for their correction.
Want to contribute a story to the Velominati? Tell us why.
*Levels are calculated based on the previous year’s activity.
Love the topics and the comments; I would rather push a bike with two flat tyres than drive a car…
Keep up the good work!
Dear Velominatae (Is that Plural?), I may have double posted on http://www.velominati.com/general/that-is-it-obama-ive-had-it/#comments – but neither are showing. I just wanted to make sure that I could try to correct my foolishness.
Feel free to delete this post once read~
Superb website; with the right mix of single mindedness and cycle tradition; and humour added. Looking forward to reading some more & contributing. Frenchie, new member & Level 4 Velominatus.
@Frenchie
Welcome, Monsieur Frenchie!
Merci Brett! Est-ce que le Francais est la langue du peloton ici?! Yep, really looking forward to settling in here…
(Twit @ZeeFrenchie)
@Frenchie
Nice to have you aboard.
@all
Just have to post this link. This is a very high honor and deserving of a chapeau
http://www.bigringriding.com/post/966445460/wasp-stomping
@Frenchie
Ah, mais oui, mais oui!
With a Twitter called @ZeeFrenchie, how can we not follow?
@Marko Inhaling a wasp is a rather esoteric climbing technique. I didn’t know it was still practiced…Indeed, it is a great honor!
@frank Cheers. I already feel at home; pain, pleasure and ze bike…
Does this qualify me as a Keeper? Or more specifically comment #30 and the reply at comment #35
@Frenchie
Vive la belle langue!
@Steampunk, @Frenchie
The only thing wrong with your image is that your gravatard is not this guy:
@Cyclops
The only problem I see is the lack of reference to Rule #25. Other than that, spot on.
Congrats on your Level 1 status, by the way.
@frank it can be arranged!
@frank
Well the total sum paid for both the vehicles I own is $2k and I’m riding a Cannondale Six Carbon – Full Dura Ace (except for the Carbon S-Works cranks), Easton EA90sl wheels and EC90 bars, etc. I’m definitely in full compliance to rule #25.
When did I make Level 1? I thought there would be some sort of initiation ceremony involving Pantani’s pubic hair and an Italian virgin or a secret hand shake or something.
You’re a very heavy sleeper …
@Cyclops
The Secret Sign of the Merckx is hidden in the Gear Page. Seek, and ye shall find.
You’ll have to forgive me my first post on here.
This week I have been rebuilding my old bike. Six months ago, I had to decommission it(into individual components) under pressure from the Velomihottie. There were reasons: we were just moving into a tiny temporary flat, and mainly that I had just had another hefty crash – rear-ended by a car at about 50.
The rebuild raises a series of questions which I’m sure many of you will have strong views on.
In no particular order:
How far should one take the cleaning of a bike?
I expect some abuse for the following – I really can’t be arsed with cleaning my bike all the time. Life is too short and I seldom have enough time to do the training I’d like, let alone the hours of cleaning and adjustment.
That said, once or twice a year I like to strip the thing right down. The question came to me just now as i was cleaning the rear derailleur (1.5hrs so far) and found myself polishing the bushes inside the jockey wheels and debating the various options for re-lubricating them.
I have an old tub of lithium grease I have been using. Its whiteness offends – even though you’d hardly ever see it.
I have also been using 3-in-1 oil (not for the chain, of course). While the nostalgic smell counts in its favour, it doesn’t seem sufficiently specialised. In the past, I have tried synthetic diesel oil, gun-cleaning oil, even olive oil in emergency.
I have already polished the body of the bottom bracket – yes, the cylindrical part that is inside the frame and therefore not visible.
Being in London most of the time, I have no workshop. Is this an excuse?
Secondly, should one leave “scars” on your bike?
Being 5 years old, it has picked up the odd scrape. On the one hand, of course the bike should be perfect; but on the other hand, you don’t go and get laser surgery to remove your own scars – you enjoy them as a reminder of a memorable event.
This summer, I collected quite a few small tar spots on rhe bottom of the downtube. I was just reaching for the Velomihottie’s nail varnish remover to try to dissolve them, when I thought “No, fu*k it. I remember being out training alone when the roads melted. I loved it and I’ll leave the reminder”.
Third, when in the name of Merckx is somebody going to invent a proper way of lubricating a chain cleanly?
The options available now are almost pre-Industrial in their crapness.
Fourth, and perhaps most controversially: Should you ever let another man work on your bike?
Only if: 1. He is showing you something you haven’t done before and the intent is for you to learn it, 2. He fully understands and respects the love you have for your steed and realizes that if he fucks it up he pays monetarily and with possible great peril to your friendship and his nose, 3. You would trust this man to take your velomihottie out on the town without fear of any hanky-panky and/or you would entrust him with your children while you go on your favorite century ride.
@George
Welcome, George. Marko covered you on the fourth. Here’s the rest.
That kind of cleaning job is definitely a once or twice a year ride, or when you’ve ridden in the rain in your #1 Bike. Other than that, buy a set of specialized brushes, some Simple Green, take the wheels out, and wash the whole thing down in 10-15 minutes. Good heavy brush on the rims/cassette. Softer brush on the frame/hubs. Clean the chain/pulleys, and you’re done. 15 minutes max. I do that once a week, and I clean the chain with a rag nearly every time I ride.
I have different lubes I use for different stuff. Dumonde Tech for the chain. It attracts dirt, but I clean my chain every day, so I’m covered. Once you use real oil, you can’t go back to synthetics. It’s not the same. I use tri-flow in my break levers, pivot points, dérailleur pulleys, and freehub pawls. Wax lubes inbetween my cleats and shoe soles to keep those from creaking. Also use that stuff on anything pedal-related. You don’t want dirt getting in there, since cleats get dirty anyway.
No. You have rooms, right? Fuck the “office”.
That’s a judgement call. I say leave the scars, remove the tar. Unless it was a really, really epic ride.
The Cyclone, while distressingly phallic, is a great cleaner. Marko tipped me to using Simple Green instead of Parks expensive degreaser. The degreaser works better, but I only use it now occasionally.
Aside from that, chains get dirty, and it needs to be cleaned. As I just mentioned, I’ve gone away from the whole synthetic thing and back to pre-industrial crap-ness. It works better, even if you have to clean it.
Excellent questions, mate. Welcome into the fold.
@all
For those of you in New Zealand, our most sinsere wishes that you are all safe and sound.
—
Special Advisory – New Zealand: No damage reported following magnitude 7.2 earthquake near Christchurch
No casualties or infrastructural damage have been reported following an earthquake measuring 7.2 on the moment magnitude scale, which struck 19 miles (30km) north-west of the city of Christchurch, at 04.35 (local time) on 4 September. However, power outages are being experienced in nearby areas.
Travel Advice
People in the affected areas should monitor the local media for further updates on the situation.
All people in the affected areas should be prepared to move to higher ground at short notice.
Aftershocks should be expected.
@frank
Cheers Frank, all good here in Wellington, although some are reporting to have felt it. I slept right through.
I wonder what the definition of “no structural damage” is though?
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4095395/Earthquake-hits-the-South-Island
Hello,
The boys over at Campy turned me on to your site and I had to reach out. I saw all of the great gear you have available, but no socks! Could not find any contact info so I am trying my luck this way. Please let me know how I can help. Thanks.
Jason
@Brett
We can only pray to the gods of good pints that the Dux de Lux in Christchurch has had nary a brick cracked in this earthquake. A most excellent spot in Chistchurch for all your drinking/eating/music needs.
I need reports.
@john
I love the spirit of you post here, but there is a massive problem:
They actually brand themselves as a Vegetarian Restaurant.
@frank
No bacon? hmmmmmmm, the quality of the beer negates the lack of meat sticks at the Dux. The beer and the hostess who worked there earlier this decade just kept us coming back night after night after night.
I don’t believe The Rules have disallowed vegetarian restaurants yet.
Why do you guys hate pigs so much?
@frank
It’s clearly your Euro heritage showing through. In some parts of the world people do actually eat vegetables.
Just love it, will be ordering gear soon, love my cycle, and the freedom along with it.
@Andre
In the meantime, if you haven’t been already, check out the articles archive, pull on your podium slippers, grab some espresso or a Belgian Ale and enjoy yourself. Always great to welcome another reader and contributor. Cheers, Andre.
That seals it. This HAS to be the next Gear offering: V podium slippers!
@John
Man, I used to live right across the road from the Dux de lux when I was at University. Best PUB EVER and probably partly responsible for my lackluster grades…
A friend from the club we train out of pointed out this site to me. It is by far the Nirvana of all cycling websites. I am 38, married and have 2 kids. I live in Canada and ride all year round, so training in bad weather is not an issue, and I was raised on the Metric system. I have adheared to the rules. You can ask my wife and the Ladies at work. They are all jealous of the legs. I also have type 1 diabetes and wear an insulin pump. I don’t know if that makes me a hardman or badass, but it does make racing challenging. After I lap others in crits, people wonder if I put EPO in my insulin pump! I DON’T! I believe those guys are called Twatwaffles. Anyway, I would love to become a member of this community and contribute to some of these discussions. I have linked this to my teams website. Some of the ‘other riders’, (the ones who ride in the dirt and do not dismount to cross a barrier) who occaisionally venture to the road need to see the rules. I hope this is ok with you all.
Happy New Year, and Let the season begin! Ride safe!
@Carlo Capaldi
We welcome your “membership” to the place and encourage your posts, responses, and stories. One way to get the ladies at work to notice you is surely by having nicer legs than they do. Nice work.
Anyway, cheers, happy New Year, and thanks for your kind words about the site. All the best.
Which one of us is going to blow our brains out then?
Hello Velominati team,
What a great website!
As a pavé lover, I hope you’ll like our start-up about cycling tours dedicated to cobbles!
http://www.cyclingpave.cc/
You’re welcome in the Hell of the North.
Alex aka L’Arbre
@Brett
Me.
@L’Arbre
Nice site! We will make sure to pay you a visit when the cobble call.
@Brett
@frank
That makes sense since you’re in Seattle. I’ll get Courtney.
Nice to find a group of like minded individuals. I may be an old washed up working stiff living in Florida, but was born with Rule #55 ingrained within my DNA–it just took me a while to discover the bike.
Can someone explain to me why our television networks can’t broadcast cycling events, other than the Tour de France, over here in the good ‘ol U.S. of A? Maybe if we had some decent cycling coverage here we wouldn’t have so many soft, fat asses driving around manicured golf courses with customized golf carts while drinking our pisswater beer. If we can get some routine cycling coverage, I’m retiring to Colorado someday. But if not I need to start learning a second language.
@Il buccaneero
Spot on. Welcome, you have found your home.
@frank
Just can’t identify with folks who take 6 hours playing something they think is a sport, with most of that time telling stories sitting on their butt waiting on the folks in front of them to line up their putts. Do they realize 6 hours is enough friggin’ time to ride 100k with a couple of your best buddies–in the mountains on a windy day no less–drink a double espresso (raw sugar only no milk), hang at a pub for an hour while drinking a couple Mirror Pond Pale Ale’s, ride home, shave your legs, and then still have time left over to admire them?
Time for me to go work on The V this morning. It is damn cold here, but the mountain bike is lonely and waiting for some attention. And I’ve got to go save a good friend who thinks he needs to wear a knee pad while riding the mtb for a while due to a crash that happened a whole damn week ago. This guy is usually a regular hardman in the woods and I’ve got no idea where this knee pad talk is coming from.
Like clenbuterol in Alberto’s favorite filet, the V imbues cycling culture in my club. Not only are the Rules hilarious, they are fundamentally accurate. So keep it coming, and look both ways when crossing the street!
@all
I had a conversation with Patrick Bulger of GS Bulger Media on his podcast, Last Man Standing. We chatted about the site, The Rules, and cycling in general.
Listen here (interview starts around 15:00 minutes in):
[audio:LMS-Velominati.mp3]
It’s an honor to be interviewed alongside the likes of the one and only Andy Hampsten and the other actually competent people who have contributed to the Bulger Media podcasts. Cheers, thanks for inviting us!
@frank
Nicely done! Great interview.
Great stuff, Frank!
that was a good listen Frank.(even the 9 minute intro)
@redranger
As the voice of the nine minute intro, thanks…
@frank
@packfiller
A-Merckx. Chapeau.
A massive congratulations to Velominati’s Marko who yesterday became the proud (we’re assuming) father of his newborn baby. All the best to him, his Velomihottie, and their new baby girl.