The Keepers
Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives. While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity.
All these factors combine to provide an unique atmosphere and breeds devoted and loyal disciples of our great sport. We are of a peculiar nature; we seek out the highest mountains and the roughest roads on which to worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. Our legs are what propel us; our minds are what drive us. We refer to our shaved legs in the third person – the legs – and speak of distance in kilometres and measure sizes in centimetres regardless of what country we are in. We adhere strictly to the Canon of Cycling’s Etiquette: The Rules.
A Velominatus is a disciple of the highest order. We spend our days poring over the very essence of what makes ours such a special sport and how that essence fits into Cycling’s colorful fabric. This is the Velominati’s raison d’être. This is where the Velominati can be ourselves. This is our agony – our badge of honor – our sin.
I have a unique way of looking at bicycles. A good bicycle and it’s components are beautiful things to me. I’m not just talking about appearance, but also how the frame and components show the dreams of those who made them.
– Gianni Bugno, Hardman and Italian cycling legend
Perhaps we are too wrapped up in the past, but the Velominati don’t believe that to be the case. After all, the greatest lessons can be learned from the past and those lessons can then be applied to the present and may then allow us to more fully experience the future.
The Keepers:
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The Community:
Velominati.com is less about the articles and more about the conversation. Those of you who read more and poster more, become an integral part of the discussion and help carry the momentum forward. There are several levels of Velominatus*:
Level 4 Velominatus: The casual observer and occasional poster.
Level 3 Velominatus: The regular reader and casual poster.
Level 2 Velominatus: The devoted reader and regular poster.
Level 1 Velominatus: The most committed of reader and poster.
Gray, Black, and Orange Order Velominatus: Once having passed Level 1, the inducted among the Order wear three color badges, based on their rank.
Conduct:
We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any criticism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consistently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspension. The first offense will result in a one-week suspension, the second in a two week suspension, and the third in a three week suspension. A fourth offense will result in a lifetime ban.
Velominati reserves the right to edit posts with the express interest to preserve the spirit of the conversation and the community. Regarding posts that address a grammatical or typographical error, Velominati may elect to take their input, correct the error in the articles where appropriate, and editing posts that point them out. This editorial action is not to serve as a censure entity, but to preserve the spirit of the conversation. That said, we endeavor to only edit those posts that point out a minor issue and only in the event that we make the edit before the post has yielded further discussion. Furthermore, when possible, we will strive to acknowledge said poster for their correction.
Want to contribute a story to the Velominati? Tell us why.
*Levels are calculated based on the previous year’s activity.
@Calmante
Nice re-entry, and glad you’ve got my back bro. Welcome back.
@wiscot
Charming.
Local stripper usednto bring a hoop into the club on slow nights a usually made me have to explain a charge on the Amex to the wife.
Have to email her to see if she has any vids.
@Tomb
Massive respect to you for having a “local stripper”.
@Calmante
Nice re-entry
This goes out to all Stybar fans:
(AFAIK this one was shot in Tabor.)
@Oli
What Oli said. A sense of humour is a prerequisite for this site, and the funnier the better.
@minion
plus one to that.
welcome back @Calmante.
I never imagined that hula hoops could be so mesmerizing.
@Calmante
Welcome back mate – I’d only just got myself weaned off watching the wii-hula girl. Now I’ll never find the cure for cancer….
@Calmante
Imagine the marketing possibilities if she could do the same with a set of road wheel rims.
“Un-Zipp and get Hed, instead.”
@Marcus
More respect for having her email!
Thx, peeps.
@xyxax
+1
@Calmante
I’ve got nine lives
Cat’s eyes
Abusing every one of them
and running wild.
@grumbledook
Awesome mate! cant wait to see the guy back on the road.
@xyxax
Solid gold.
@RedRanger
He’s the John Tomac of Cross. Badass.
@The Oracle
I do not know which is worse, comparing once self to Mendela or to Oli? Either one is pretty much impossible to stand up to.
@Buck Rogers
If I had thought of it, I would have gone with famed communist poet Pablo Neruda, who was exiled from Chile…
@xyxax
That’s your mission… contact her, do the video. I’ll supply the rims.
@Calmante
Wasn’t he the poet in “Il Postino”? That had some Italian cycling in it as well, if I remember correctly.
@brett
By the look of things, better make ’em 29’ers.
@Buck Rogers
I’m impressed with your knowledge of Italian cinema. That was, indeed, him.
@frank
I don’t know what it is about Tomac, but at a time when I seriously thought of mountain biking as an abomination (not the case anymore), I couldn’t help but love that guy.
This image says to me, “I hear ya Campagnolo!”
She said choose…the bike or me, so I ask…what do The Keepers have to say about a V-Cog tattoo, copyright, location, applicable rules?
@Gorgo
Shimmy up to the top of the page & look at Marko’s avatar, you’ll find that little piece of artwork on the back of one of his calves I do believe.
@Mikael Liddy
So theres no problem if I get it tattooed on my forehead so she gets the message loud and clear?
@Gorgo
Not sure anyone here is going have a problem with where you place it, however you may want to proceed with consideration and caution as I’ve heard they can be quite difficult to get rid of once in place.
@Gorgo
Also remember that part of being a Velominatus is striving towards looking Fucking Fantastic as much as possible, I feel this may be hindered by the presence of any kind of tattoo on your forehead but, whatever floats your boat.
@Mikael Liddy
Yes, you’re right. Its just that after 32 years together she doesn’t seem to comprehend and I thought it would help her to understand with a minimum of confusion. I’ll settle for Superman-style chest tattoo…OK a reasonably sized one on my bicep, or above my ankle. I’ve never had a tattoo so its a hard decision. One other question, how are track-riders viewed by the Velominati?
@Gorgo
Regarding the last query, have a read of the Meg Fisher article. Pretty sure trackies are accepted as long as you’re dishing the V
Since I don’t have time to look back through eighty-gazillion comments, I have a quick question: supposing that I had taken to using a non-Rule 74-compliant device, and supposing I had joined Strava, how would I go about finding the Velominati club on that website that I’ve hear tell about?
Use the Explore button at the top and search for clubs.
@The Oracle
Use the ‘Explore’ button at the top and search under ‘clubs’.
@Tartan1749
I did that, but it appears to need a location as well, and I don’t know where the V club is located. If you clear the “location” field on the search page, your default location just pops back in when you hit “search.”
I also don’t know the actual name of the club–I’m guessing “Velominati,” but I’m not sure…
@The Oracle
If you’ve on as The Oracle in some unpronounceable place in WI, I’ve just followed you so you can click on my link and you’ll see the club down at the bottom right.
@The Oracle
Try this.
@Chris
@Nate
Thanks guys.
Oh, and it’s pronounced, “sawk’ vil”.
I like some of your rules and others I do not like. Many of them are preppy and some are even rather annoying. Some are ok. This is my observation. I will abide by the ones I like and ignore the ones I don’t like. You will not change my mind on this unless I decide that you have a better point than I do and I don’t fancy your chances but you should definitely try but prepare to be gut-wrenchinly disappointed. I will not join any club, society, tribe, group or gathering with a single purpose and I will not sign any forms unless I have to or my mind changes or I get conned into it which you should never try because I can be dangerous on a bike; very dangerous. Smokingly dangerously hot to handlebar if you ladies know what I can be meaning. Don’t mess with my flow or my mojo. Oh no! No ho. Be cool.
No pictures please and I do not wear matching loud branded kit because I am not a human billboard and my body is someone’s temple so paws off with the freaky coloured sausage look ok? Other than that we have a deal. Good to be on board.
What happens next?
Gdog of the Mighty Swampdogs, purveyors of the finest lawlessness known to two wheels.
lol wtf
@Oli
Thanks for the heads up, nearly blew tea out my nose.
@Gdog of the Swampdogs
I’ve got only one answer for ya.
Hoop Girl.
It doesn’t mean any more or less than what you posted, but damn it’s mesmerising…
@mouse
and a great way to keep in shape!
I know who that is
How do you embed videos, BTW?
@mouse
It’s good but it’s no Trololololololololololo…
@Oli
Jaunty.
Endless loop too.
The perfect reply to Troll lololololo’s
Hoop girl can touch me on my studio! What a great magnificent thing is hoop girl. In a an open letter to the human race I wish to bring attention to Hoop Girl and her wiggley goldfish because people are killing each other and above us there is only sky but they should be rapturously watching that which can only be…Hoop Girl.
Love
Plenty
Muchness
Hoop hoop
@Oli
@mouse
Brilliant@! Had me tapping my cleats and humming along within moments. Now, if we could get Hoop Girl performing to Trololololololololololo, we could bring peace to this troubled world……
@mouse
I already called shotgun on that one. She’s mine, dammit!
@Calmante
Calmante, can you sort Gdog out? I remember your first posts were of a similar nature, then the penny dropped, tell’im.
Snoooooov
Wotz is this nastiness then? Pick on the new guy? That is not zen. That is not nice. You need to manage your tribalness, Snoooooooooov, and let Gdog be free now. He will not wear your colours or engage in your silly customs. He will not follow your rules unless he likes them. Do not try to get him to fit into your round hole for he be a square peg with a little snaggy bit on the side so I will not fit you see. That is the way of things. That is all.
@snoov
Apples & Oranges, dude. I’m driven by a different kind of motivation.
@minion
“And that’s why I don’t like cricket”