The Keepers
Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives. While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity.
All these factors combine to provide an unique atmosphere and breeds devoted and loyal disciples of our great sport. We are of a peculiar nature; we seek out the highest mountains and the roughest roads on which to worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. Our legs are what propel us; our minds are what drive us. We refer to our shaved legs in the third person – the legs – and speak of distance in kilometres and measure sizes in centimetres regardless of what country we are in. We adhere strictly to the Canon of Cycling’s Etiquette: The Rules.
A Velominatus is a disciple of the highest order. We spend our days poring over the very essence of what makes ours such a special sport and how that essence fits into Cycling’s colorful fabric. This is the Velominati’s raison d’être. This is where the Velominati can be ourselves. This is our agony – our badge of honor – our sin.
I have a unique way of looking at bicycles. A good bicycle and it’s components are beautiful things to me. I’m not just talking about appearance, but also how the frame and components show the dreams of those who made them.
– Gianni Bugno, Hardman and Italian cycling legend
Perhaps we are too wrapped up in the past, but the Velominati don’t believe that to be the case. After all, the greatest lessons can be learned from the past and those lessons can then be applied to the present and may then allow us to more fully experience the future.
The Keepers:
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The Community:
Velominati.com is less about the articles and more about the conversation. Those of you who read more and poster more, become an integral part of the discussion and help carry the momentum forward. There are several levels of Velominatus*:
Level 4 Velominatus: The casual observer and occasional poster.
Level 3 Velominatus: The regular reader and casual poster.
Level 2 Velominatus: The devoted reader and regular poster.
Level 1 Velominatus: The most committed of reader and poster.
Gray, Black, and Orange Order Velominatus: Once having passed Level 1, the inducted among the Order wear three color badges, based on their rank.
Conduct:
We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any criticism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consistently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspension. The first offense will result in a one-week suspension, the second in a two week suspension, and the third in a three week suspension. A fourth offense will result in a lifetime ban.
Velominati reserves the right to edit posts with the express interest to preserve the spirit of the conversation and the community. Regarding posts that address a grammatical or typographical error, Velominati may elect to take their input, correct the error in the articles where appropriate, and editing posts that point them out. This editorial action is not to serve as a censure entity, but to preserve the spirit of the conversation. That said, we endeavor to only edit those posts that point out a minor issue and only in the event that we make the edit before the post has yielded further discussion. Furthermore, when possible, we will strive to acknowledge said poster for their correction.
Want to contribute a story to the Velominati? Tell us why.
*Levels are calculated based on the previous year’s activity.
@frank
I have noticed an auto-postback happening when viewing older posts. To reproduce – go to page 12 of this thread and wait. Eventually a postback happens and the browser refreshes to page 13.
Using latest Chrome browser from my desktop.
On firefox I could be reading page 3 of a 3 page thread, and the page refreshes to either another area of page 3, or page 2 or 1. I can’t figure any pattern… IE8 seems fine…
@itburns, @Beers
Thanks – those issues should be resolved now as well. Cheers.
@Beers – IE8 is never fine. Ever. It just so happens to suck so hard that the “feature” I just removed didn’t work in it, so the problem didn’t show itself, but that’s no the same as being “fine”. In fact, we don’t officially support any MSFT browser as a matter of principle. If we made money or if we paid for development time, that would be one of our best IT business decisions, but since we don’t do either of those things, we can’t quantify it that way. Instead, I just say I can’t be fucked with IE.
@frank
Thanks dude. I was beginning to think that no one cared.
WTF … I was level 2 when I woke up …. now Im level one ….. what strange and wonderous things happen within this place
@barracuda Congrats. Merckxmas has come early for you this year. I, on the other hand, have a long hill to climb…….
This is kinda cool… a mate just emailed me this link…
Just a little intro. Fairly new to the sport with about 6 years of riding under the belt (if you rule out Triathlons it has really been 4 years of proper riding) I’ve been following this site for the past year or so. Reading the articles and re-reading The Rules. Half the time I have no friggin idea what you guys are talking about when it becomes too technical but every day I find myself going deeper and deeper into this unique world. It’s about the ride, it’s about the bike, it’s about the people you ride with. I’m loving every moment being on the roads.
I’m from Singapore and it takes only 150km to ride around the entire island. If you guys happen to stop by give me a shout and I will take you out on some nice roads. Perhaps even riding across to Malaysia if you can afford the time.
@getsetchris Welcome! Glad you started posting after a year of reading. Love the shot of your bike! Keep meditating on the Rules and everything else works itself out.
@getsetchris Welcome !
@getsetchris
Welcome! That photo is awesome, it looks like a mashup of various other parts of the world. Directly behind the bike I am sure I am looking at The London Eye with Canary Wharf in the background (London landmarks). I am curious as to what the three towers with the ironing board on top is on the left?
Great that you finally stepped forward and posted, keep up the good work!
@Deakus Thanks dude! Amazing what iphone cameras can do nowadays. We had started out doing hill repeats in prep for the Tour De Bintan but after a week of hard riding we just didn’t have it in our legs. It was an Anti V moment but we said fuck it and decided to just go explore the city. The ride turned out to be a nice change from just riding hard all the time.
The water body you see is a man made reservoir, we call the London Eye copycat, The Flyer. That dome shaped thingy is a climate controlled garden which contains plants and trees from around the world. It is nice but a little artificial. The towers with the ironing board is the, Marina Bay Sands, a casino with an observation deck that has an infinity pool, some bars and overpriced restaurants.
@Frank
Just a slight typo:
On http://www.velominati.com/about/
“We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any critisism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consitently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspention. ”
Should read “suspension”.
Ta,
Mike, Yorkshire, UK
@Mike Humphr
@Mike Humphreys
Should also read “criticism” and “consistently”.
Sorry.
Rule #5 should have in brackets after it (pain is just weakness leaving the body)
I request an exception to Rule #50. Beards are cool because they’re, well, not common. I mean, what if the avid cyclist is a 52 year old geezer hanging with a bunch of 30 year old Cat 3’s? See attached pic: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151275589061801&set=pb.552311800.-2207520000.1360766815&type=3&theater
An acolyte at the gate…
Fear not and spare thy shame, for a g***er spins among thee.
Yes, one who dare spend time moving through varied landscapes, among friends, in an unattainable pursuit of perfection. The horror!
I am looking forward to participating in the Velominati community, and, community seems to be an accurate description, from the time I have spent delving into it. The format of this site, with articles leading discussion (although we know how things wander) is much preferred over random posts to start threads. The repartee of the follow up posts is hilarious, especially without language filters – nothing like a well placed expletive to add timely emphasis :-)
The inclusion of obsessive, at times rhetorical pursuit of a cycling aesthetic is fascinating and, for me, much more interesting than endless discussions on doping and racing.
Greetings to all,
VLVV
@Sada Nakano
Exception is a very big word….however laying down the V like that…who could help but silently doff a cap in the general direction!!
@Bespoke
Nice intro. Welcome!
@Deakus
@Sada Nakano The general school of thought from the Keepers seems to be that laying down massive V isn’t a valid reason for exemptions. By all means chose to be non compliant but follow the masturbation principle, afterall we probably all lay down the V in our own manner but fail to be truly rule compliant in every respect.
Besides shaving your guns but not your face is fundamentally fucked.
Regardless of all that, storming photo. Strong work.
@Bespoke
Dear BBespoke,
Welcome. Just a heads-up, expletives are welcome and frequent around here, but be careful of using emoticons. Pretty much any kind of profanity is acceptable, but you’ll catch a whole heap of shite if you use one of these wee fuckers!
@wiscot We can’t use the c-word anymore.
@Bespoke
A what ? Am I missing something here or is it a new game to fit the letters ?
ginger – well I can understand not wanting to highlight that
gunner – I know Arsenal aren’t doing well, but…
gender – doesn’t make sense to me but maybe some coded signal to Scaler911
Sorry if I’m being obtuse, you’re going to have to spell it out for me.
@Chris
I found it amusing that the cyclist chasing him is wearing a Barbasol jersey!
@Sauterelle I use that brand on my legs. Actually prefer that old foamy stuff to gels.
@roger Cheap hair conditioner works great too! Better than foam!
@ChrisO
Goober?
Gaffer?
Gutter?
Fuck’d if I know what he is getting at?
@Buck Rogers
Perplexed too, I am.
geezer or Gen-Xer?
gander or gooser?
grazer or gulper?
@xyxax
His (going out on a long limb here) V-profile indicates he’s another Canuckian. Who knows what he’s on about, but I agree that it’s a promising entry.
@Nate
Ah, good copy.
As BSNYC said today, “The only reason the United States still allows Canada to exist is that we need a steady supply of smart people.”
@xyxax For sure. That @Steampunk sure seems to be a smart cookie, for one.
@Bespoke What you have here is but one example of the joking we do about our respective anglophone countries, which you may or may not have noticed in perusing the archives. We ‘muricans take the piss out of our northern neighbors and, when we notice their presence, the antipodeans. NZed and Straylia make sheep jokes about each other and have a mutual pisstaking fest with the Brits. We don’t worry about the brits since we got rid of them long ago. We are all in awe of the Belgians. And so forth.
@Nate
Meanwhile, everyone from the Commonwealth countries are quietly sniggering because the muricans are just a little bit “special” and can’t spell.
@Chris
Just ’cause y’all want to go stickin’ extra u’s into everything where they ain’t got no sense belongin’…
@all
What a lovely welcome. Damned already for the use of a smiley. On less erudite sites, if you don’t resort to the use of emoticons, you get trashed for unintended, yet perceived malice. So, I didn’t really intend to be obtuse, I only thought that I would preempt what would certainly filtered on this site.
It is I, a golfer (yes Canadian) who enters, with tail between legs, soon to be replaced by saddle, while on this site at least.
@all
You do know that cycling is the new golf. (I hope I can still find friends here)!
@mcsqueak
Or apostrophes. How do you convey sarcasm without a freakin sarcasm emoticon?! Hmmm, maybe I did.
@Bespoke
Golfist not golfer – do keep up now
@Nate
@Nate
Straylians laugh at most every country outside of Asia these days. Because you cunts are all broke.
@Marcus Yeah, but we’ve got better beaches…
@Bespoke
Ah, fuck me, that is the one 6 letter “g” starting and “er” ending word that we did not come up with. If I remeber correctly, LeMan himself was and is a big golfer.
As for the emoticon stuff, yeah, we do not use them and it leads to all sorts of hilarity and fights and deep malice and loathing and lifetime grudges around here, but, you know, what ever Frahnk wants, Frahnk gets (insert banned emoticon here)
@Buck Rogers
Frahnk finally received his orange handlebar tassels?
@Buck Rogers
It’s also a word that would likely be banned on this site, if there were language filters so, thanks for providing a respectable context via. LeMan. In my original post, I tried to describe the commonalities of the two pursuits, at least common for me.
Orange tassels eh. Do you earn those en route to a grey order? Maybe worth the ensuing hilarity. And fights. And grudges.
Is the new pope a closet Velominatus?
I mean Pope Frank – c’mon, he didn’t just pull that out of the air did he?
I recently read We Were Young and Carefree, and I’m wondering if Pope Francis ever got tested for cocaine in the late ’80s.
Came across site. Looks like a great, fun community. But serious about cycling.
68 year old, Austrailan, converted to cycling from SCUBA about 3 years ago.
i ride in Southern Highlands of NSW, about 100km south of Sydney. Ride 3 annual charity rides (90km Sydney to Gong, 105km Big Canberra Ride, 100km Around the Bay in Melbourne). Hope to increase this.
Also I’ve started publishing a few videos on YouTube (under “cycling in the Southern Highlands”).
Have ridden with Saint Cadel (and have photos to prove talked
Keep talking friends into buying bikes.
my steed is a Jamis Team with dura-ace Di2. Great American machine.
QUESTION: How do I join your congregation?
@Dr Brian O’Donnell you just did, although some Sacred Garments wouldn’t go astray.
@Dr Brian O’Donnell I now have formally registered. Hope to contribute regularly. Brian.
@Dr Brian O’Donnell
Dear Doc, welcome and many happy posts. What kind of Doc are you? We have a few who contribute here eg Dr C in England.
@wiscot
Umm, you might want to check under your car next time you pop down to the shops Wiscot.