The Keepers
Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives. While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity.
All these factors combine to provide an unique atmosphere and breeds devoted and loyal disciples of our great sport. We are of a peculiar nature; we seek out the highest mountains and the roughest roads on which to worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. Our legs are what propel us; our minds are what drive us. We refer to our shaved legs in the third person – the legs – and speak of distance in kilometres and measure sizes in centimetres regardless of what country we are in. We adhere strictly to the Canon of Cycling’s Etiquette: The Rules.
A Velominatus is a disciple of the highest order. We spend our days poring over the very essence of what makes ours such a special sport and how that essence fits into Cycling’s colorful fabric. This is the Velominati’s raison d’être. This is where the Velominati can be ourselves. This is our agony – our badge of honor – our sin.
I have a unique way of looking at bicycles. A good bicycle and it’s components are beautiful things to me. I’m not just talking about appearance, but also how the frame and components show the dreams of those who made them.
– Gianni Bugno, Hardman and Italian cycling legend
Perhaps we are too wrapped up in the past, but the Velominati don’t believe that to be the case. After all, the greatest lessons can be learned from the past and those lessons can then be applied to the present and may then allow us to more fully experience the future.
The Keepers:
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The Community:
Velominati.com is less about the articles and more about the conversation. Those of you who read more and poster more, become an integral part of the discussion and help carry the momentum forward. There are several levels of Velominatus*:
Level 4 Velominatus: The casual observer and occasional poster.
Level 3 Velominatus: The regular reader and casual poster.
Level 2 Velominatus: The devoted reader and regular poster.
Level 1 Velominatus: The most committed of reader and poster.
Gray, Black, and Orange Order Velominatus: Once having passed Level 1, the inducted among the Order wear three color badges, based on their rank.
Conduct:
We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any criticism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consistently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspension. The first offense will result in a one-week suspension, the second in a two week suspension, and the third in a three week suspension. A fourth offense will result in a lifetime ban.
Velominati reserves the right to edit posts with the express interest to preserve the spirit of the conversation and the community. Regarding posts that address a grammatical or typographical error, Velominati may elect to take their input, correct the error in the articles where appropriate, and editing posts that point them out. This editorial action is not to serve as a censure entity, but to preserve the spirit of the conversation. That said, we endeavor to only edit those posts that point out a minor issue and only in the event that we make the edit before the post has yielded further discussion. Furthermore, when possible, we will strive to acknowledge said poster for their correction.
Want to contribute a story to the Velominati? Tell us why.
*Levels are calculated based on the previous year’s activity.
Congratulations Marko! I hope mother and daughter are in fine fettle.
(Our girl arrives, theoretically, in 13 days.)
Marko,
Congratulations to you and your Velominata! I hope all three of you get some sleep before The Giro starts.
Words of advice from a fellow father of a baby girl: Coffee is your friend. Wear close-toed shoes for 2am walks around the house in the dark (saves on stubbed toes). Learn to love all shades of pink. She will love you forever no matter how badly you embarrass her in front of her friends.
Again, Congratulations!
Congrats Marko. Are you going to name her Eddy?
Congratulations! Thank you for again proving the false connection between cycling and impotency (please don’t be offended, a bad joke is always around when someone becomes a father)…
@packfiller
What?? You complain in the interview about being slow off the mark with comments and then when you get the timing down this is the best you come up with? I dunno. I just dunno.
Kidding aside, congratulations to one and all, Marko, and welcome to your little girl.
Congratulations, Marko!
We can only assume that you already have the trailer installed on your townie bike to pedal her home from the hospital! Or, to pedal her around the neighborhood if this was a home birth.
Awesome, awesome excuse for a long time to be twelve months away. Enjoy it!
Congratulations, Marko!
Congrats Marko and family!!! As the father of three little girls (and two boys) all I can say is that I am not letting my girls out of the convent until they are 21!!! :)
@Buck Rogers
Word. But keep your man-boys on a short leash, too. I know where my brain resided when I was young, and it wasn’t in my skull.
My policy is to buckshot the first boyfriend clean off the porch. This has a chilling effect on the other prospects.
Congratulations Marko! May your child be healthy and your Breeding and Blimping be slow.
@Steampunk
ok…you’re right. I guess I just got to excited in the moment. Not to mention not wanting to offend a Velominati.
May she have the heart of Connie Carpenter, the face of Marianne Berglund, and the spirit of the Madonna del Ghisallo.
@packfiller
Saw you dropped in on my buddy, Maddog O’Grady. Good call. I’ve never met him, but I’ve corresponded and posted for years. Should be a good interview.
@packfiller
You can’t offend Velominati. Everyone’s a hardened criminal. Real surly bastards. Especially Steampunk. Tried to steal a bike out from under me. Owes me breakfast.
Marko, my heartiest congratulations. Best advice we got when our first arrive: “Only two things you need to know. 1 – your life has just changed more than you can possibly imagine. 2 – you have no idea how much your life has just changed.” But it is absolutely change for the better. All the best to you, your VMH and Edwina (?). (Frank, how small do Castelli make the V-kit?)
Hey Marko, congratulations to you, the VMH & the new family member. Life has just got better.
As someone who already has a daughter and another due in May, with a boy in between the two. IMO, keep the balance even in the household. Too much estrogen and not enough testosterone may result in additional time being required on the bike to clear the mind.
You say it like additional time on the bike is a bad thing.
Congratulations Marko! Tanti auguri a tutta la tua famiglia!
@mcsqueak
No, rather tongue planted firmly in cheek ;)
@Marko
And they said you didn’t have it in you! Congratulations mate, hope little Jeannie and mum are doing well.
Congrats Marko! A Velominata is born!
That’s very nice.
I won’t add to the congratulations Marko – but I will offer up some unsolicited advice.
Right now, in the trade team that is your family, your position as patron is now under serious threat. Just like the Badger and leMelvis situation, be under no illusion that what was once rightfully yours now may not be.
I am talking about your right to ride when you want for how long you want.
The only way to protect your position is by affirmative action. And that is a 3 week long ride strength program which commences immediately on the day the neo-pro arrives at your service course. You need to reassert your authoritI (yes Cartman) immediately.
Take it from a guy who didn’t do this and now must wake at 4:30 or earlier to get a decent ride in and who has to tiptoe around the house for fear of waking kids. Don’t make the same mistake that I and many others have made.
Now is the time for vigilance, not happiness.
@Marcus
Fuck, Marcus. Espresso right out my nose. That shit hurts.
Sage advice, though. Sage advice.
@Marcus
All true – except the cruel hope it offers that it is possible to escape the fate you so accurately describe of those who wish to breed without blimping. Better, surely, to accept the inevitability of one’s fate – sort of a domestic Rule V – than to hope for something unattainable. That, at least, is how I deal with it. To acknowledge that I could have, but didn’t, avoid that fate is too painful to contemplate. Besides which, after the first few months of parenthood, waking up at 4:30 to ride will seem OK (given that “waking” necessarily implies having actually got to sleep at some stage first).
@Jeff in PetroMetro
Not a word…yet.
@Marcus
God Damn! That hits way too close to home, Marcus!!! And Jeff: great advice about the buckshot, I’ll have to remember that one!
@packfiller
He replied to you on his website. Go back and look at his response.
@Buck Rogers
It’s a perfectly acceptable way to communicate in Texas. A small exchange of gunfire is nothing more than hardy “Howdy”.
@all
There’s some really funny shit in there. Thank you all. This is seriously, in the vain of Brett’s current article, calling into question my adherence to Rule #11. Good thing my stable is strong right now. Spot on Marcus and Pedale.Forchetta I’ll have to translate that one for baby as she’s half Italian and will appreciate it someday. BTW, half Italian/half Norwegian. I think that she’ll be a cyclist one day.
Mom and baby are doing great. Isla Nadine Marie is her name and she’s really cool. Thanks again.
@all
Been a casual reader of this website for some time. Thank you. I am a rower that is slowly being converted to the ways of the cog, having been bought a road bike for the first time this Christmas.
Always cycled my entire life as a means of transport. But the first time I went out on a “proper” road bike everything changed. The amount of energy I have wasted pedaling poorly maintained mountain bikes on the road is astounding.
Thank you for showing me the error of my ways.
@Will242
Welcome. What is the rowing equivalent of climbing well for your weight?
@G’phant
Sorry, Will, somehow deleted last sentence, which read ‘We could learn from you’. Anyway, again, welcome.
@G’phant
Cheers man. Seems like a good place to be.
The Rules are amazing. Rule #5 is something that has dictated my life. We often get 90min cycles on our training program; these used to be awful sat in the gym, stuffy and claustrophobic, pedaling away but getting no where. Enter road bike and many hours out pounding the tarmac in the glorious Spring sunshine.
As for climbing well for your weight, there is nothing better than screaming past a 110kg monster, whether out on the river or up in the hills.
I reject Rule #58 or belive thier must be an exception for bikes made before 1990.
Most bike shops don’t stock vintage Campagnolo. For that matter most bike shop machanics “don’t know, what they don’t know”
Ozy Mandais
I really like this site! I’ve been a two wheel addict for about 30 years now. A little Mt., but mostly road. I’ll be contributing to the conversation, or maybe starting them, when I have something fairly coherent to say. And the gear, yes the gear…
@Mikeweb
Welcome to the mix. Glad you enjoy this place. We always appreciate new community members bringing the conversation to new lows, coherent or not.
Is there a rule that applies to how much sexual content is acceptable in cycling publications and websites?
I think ads like the new Pearl shorts in the shower ad in Velo News is completely acceptable, but what if it offends my family or friends? Seems to be like sex just goes with cycling, plus sexual cycling advertising seems very Euro which should automatically exempt it from our relatively uptight American rules regarding how much sexuality we allow on screen or print.
Please advise on this sensitive issue.
@Drenchport
I like sex. Sex is good. Cycling is also good. I like cycling. Therefore sex and cycling together has to be better than good, right? Or is it just me?
@Drenchport
I draw the line somewhere short of this:
@sgt
How is that sex? All I see are really nice cycling shoes.
@Marko
OK… quick! Tell me what components are on these bikes!
(Edited to remove gratuitous arse shot and maintain equilibrium…)
bikes?
The “arse” gruppo…?
@sgt
I think they have the Berlini groupset, and the Bonds, Along with the italian Groupo Buttfloss.
Yes, as in those things that you ride……..oh wait, I think he means the yellow things.
@mcsqueak
Cheeky!
@Mikeweb
Is that Brooklyn Mikeweb?
Welcome to the mix neighbor.
@Xymax
This is the one! Saving up my spare change to buy one of these sweet kits. Ru on FB or Strava also?
@Marko, awesome! Thanks.
BTW, I just picked up a copy of “The Rider” yesterday and started on it. It took a lot of effort to keep myself from staying up all night to read it all the way through. Also read “A Dog in A Hat” last year.
Forgot to ask: how can I put a thumbnail on my profile icon? Thx.