The Keepers
Cycling is a mighty sport with a rich and complex history. Every company, racer, piece of kit, and component has a legend, a story behind it; in many cases it also has a personal and nostalgic connection to our lives. While this particular sport is steeped in tradition, it is also fiercely modern, a fact that serves only to deepen its complexity.
All these factors combine to provide an unique atmosphere and breeds devoted and loyal disciples of our great sport. We are of a peculiar nature; we seek out the highest mountains and the roughest roads on which to worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. Our legs are what propel us; our minds are what drive us. We refer to our shaved legs in the third person – the legs – and speak of distance in kilometres and measure sizes in centimetres regardless of what country we are in. We adhere strictly to the Canon of Cycling’s Etiquette: The Rules.
A Velominatus is a disciple of the highest order. We spend our days poring over the very essence of what makes ours such a special sport and how that essence fits into Cycling’s colorful fabric. This is the Velominati’s raison d’être. This is where the Velominati can be ourselves. This is our agony – our badge of honor – our sin.
I have a unique way of looking at bicycles. A good bicycle and it’s components are beautiful things to me. I’m not just talking about appearance, but also how the frame and components show the dreams of those who made them.
– Gianni Bugno, Hardman and Italian cycling legend
Perhaps we are too wrapped up in the past, but the Velominati don’t believe that to be the case. After all, the greatest lessons can be learned from the past and those lessons can then be applied to the present and may then allow us to more fully experience the future.
The Keepers:
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The Community:
Velominati.com is less about the articles and more about the conversation. Those of you who read more and poster more, become an integral part of the discussion and help carry the momentum forward. There are several levels of Velominatus*:
Level 4 Velominatus: The casual observer and occasional poster.
Level 3 Velominatus: The regular reader and casual poster.
Level 2 Velominatus: The devoted reader and regular poster.
Level 1 Velominatus: The most committed of reader and poster.
Gray, Black, and Orange Order Velominatus: Once having passed Level 1, the inducted among the Order wear three color badges, based on their rank.
Conduct:
We strive to foster an open, fun, critical, and censure-free environment. Any criticism of our writing, spelling, grammar, or intelligence is welcome and nothing said will ever get you suspended from the site. That said, the code of conduct is governed by Rule #43 and the Piti Principle. Members consistently exhibiting behavior that falls outside these parameters will be warned to check themselves; should warnings go unheeded, we may elect to issue a suspension. The first offense will result in a one-week suspension, the second in a two week suspension, and the third in a three week suspension. A fourth offense will result in a lifetime ban.
Velominati reserves the right to edit posts with the express interest to preserve the spirit of the conversation and the community. Regarding posts that address a grammatical or typographical error, Velominati may elect to take their input, correct the error in the articles where appropriate, and editing posts that point them out. This editorial action is not to serve as a censure entity, but to preserve the spirit of the conversation. That said, we endeavor to only edit those posts that point out a minor issue and only in the event that we make the edit before the post has yielded further discussion. Furthermore, when possible, we will strive to acknowledge said poster for their correction.
Want to contribute a story to the Velominati? Tell us why.
*Levels are calculated based on the previous year’s activity.
@Mikeweb
The Rider is, I think, my favorite cycling book. Dog in a Hat is great too. Papa Joe also has a good new glossy, Paved. Check it out.
Also hop over to The Works for our (constantly expanding) list of must-read works for a Velominatus.
We use Gravatar for our avatars, so just head on over there. It’s very easy to set up, and your avatar will follow you around to any other site that uses the service as well. Very cool.
@frank
Thank you! I’ll check that all out.
Video of the 2010 Tour de Speed for mini Velominati (Velominatures?):
Tour Of Speed 2010 from Scott K. Douglas on Vimeo.
I wouldn’t in the least disagree with all of the above, except I question the logic bringing you to your final conclusion. Also the physics. Together at the same time? Give it a try and let us know how it turns out. And the bike(s?) and gear you used.
@sgt
@Marko
All I see are nice shoes, humor, and reminder that at least in photos (vs. real life), pros look way hotter in their gear on their bikes than without either.
@Marko
@Xponti
one word, from the other planet: “OUCH!”
@frank
Okey dokey. I don’t care, really, but I laughed a bit to myself when this dawned on me. Forgive if I’ve missed a published nod to your female readers… er… are there any? others?
Latin lesson. Strictly speaking:
singular, male: Velominatus
plural, male: Velominati
singular, female: Velominata
plural, female: Velominata
e.g. alumnus, alumni, alumna, alumae
Though, I think perfectly reasonably, institutions of higher learning generally use “alumni” to refer to all graduates, male or female. However, it’ still pretty general usage to refer to individuals as alumnus or alumna. I am an alumna of the University of Florida.
Should I be a Velominatus or a Velominata? Since I most definitely am female.
(Not a complaint, just stirrin’ the pot!)
@frank
Oh hell, there it is right there in the Lexicon, video (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and all. Good thing I already asked forgiveness.
Oooh, Black Order! I’m not worthy! But I’m very excited… :doublethumbsup:
@Karolinka
velominata
@Marko
Thanks Marko… duuuuuur, I found it in the Lexicon immediately after posting all that drivel (note my second note on the subject immediately following the foot in mouth drivel note)
How did I go from having a cog with a 3 to a grey one over night?
@RedRanger
I found a bug. That’s how.
@Karolinka
@frank
So rare is the velominata that I still suspect that Karolinka is a fabrication of the Keepers to add a new dimension to the site…
Not sure how this can be proven otherwise…
Fantastic descent in Giro right now. Stage is custom made for Bettini – if he was still riding..,
@Marcus
@frank
HEY! OUT THERE! I’M REAL! REALLY!!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
(If you are actually interested, and please don’t be on my account; I hate dragging (ugh) the Book of Face here, the V is so far above it… but I’m there, and a Liker of the Velominati Page or whatever they (BofF) call it these days… I even commented on one of the “Keepers Photos.” Lotta my stuff is public. I doubt the… amount of? size of the?… new dimension (how cool, I’m a “new dimension”!) a me or an ersatz me adds would be worth the work of building a profile of Ersatz Me on the BofF going back several years… if that WERE so, I’d say some people need to get out more!)
@Brett
@Drenchport
@sgt
@Marko
@mcsqueak
@Xponti
@Xponti
I’m still waiting for some sort of reply on this. Brett. Purely scientific interest. Like I said, the physics. And road rash.
@frank
@Marcus
Whoa!!! “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” Uh oh. Am I about to get a time penalty??? What happens when you are “moderated?” That sounds a little frightening. Like Pink Floyd would sing about it in The Wall. Eeek! In the words of Eliza Doolittle, I’m a good girl, Ayeyam! Maybe I really AM a fabrication and I’m about to be deleted!!! HELP!
@frank
btw, what time base are these posts being stamped with? I’m a couple of hours+ into May 10 (USA EST, DS) (that is, if I actually exist), but my posts are still May 9. Just curious.
I’d really like to leave 9 May 2011 behind, in some ways.
@Karolinka
@frank
Still not convinced. You sound too much like Frank – and the swapping of compliments with the likes of Marko and Cyclops is just too weird to be true.
@all
Please excuse my reference above to last night’s race – that was obviously made before the crash…
@Marcus
She sounds exactly like Frank – the language use, syntax, the tone of the writing – it all fits perfectly.
@Marcus
@frank
@Blah
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Not that! Frank sounds like >>> ME <<<, not vice versa. I can't help it if he (almost): is a writer as excellent as, is intelligent but self effacing as, is a natural leader like, has hilarious but low key sense of humor with deft use of irony and facetiousness like, is meticulous and thorough like, under an almost god(dess) like exterior cares greatly for fellow humans like, lives Rule #5 like, has a confident in-charge but approachable air like, is probably not as good looking as... ME! That's ME! MEMEMEMEMEME! Karolinka me! AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! it's like the twilight zone... on sew ups...
See? Classic Frank.
it’s like the twilight zone… on sew ups…
cycling genius. People often mistake me for Brett, until they meet me. Or him. Or find out anything about either of us apart from the fact we both ride bikes.
@Karolinka
Another “tell” that you are really Frank – u r disagreeing with everyone else.
Oh yeah – and I have never seen u and Frank in the same place at the same time…
I dont feel worthy either.
Wow, bummer man… :-(
@Oli Brooke-White
Sorry, mate. You’ll get back. It actually kind of broke my heart to push the update to the site. But I think an upstanding community such as this would rather have all the members getting their accurate levels rather than messing about with falsehood.
Obviously not me; @Karolinka doesn’t share my love of the most Awesomest punctuation ever, the semicolon.
@frank
Actually, I’ve been in a void since last July, sporting this frickin’ YJA. I have no idea where I stand. Probably better that way…
Oh, roll my friggin’ tubular, you’ve done it now — I’m going down, I can see it. Now they’re going to go back and read my longer posts; @Blah
and @Marcus will be convinced you’re me. I’ve actually tried to cut down on my semicolon use (parentheses podium second in my book) as elsewhere on the interweb, sentences more than four words long seem to confuse people; I get tired of parsing and explaining… that quote you quoted was an abridgement by Blah, in any case; not what I originally wrote.
@frank
Yep, the semicolon is one sweet piece of equipment. Reverence article forthcoming?
Just call me Michael Moore…
Ellipsis on the third step of the podium?
@Blah
apparently so…
Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.
-Kurt Vonnegut
@ZachOlson
“It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.”
– Caron de Beaumarchais
@ZachOlson
Vonnegut wrote creative fiction. Franks writes creative truth.
And yes, I know that’s facetious. Vonnegut’s awesome and truths it up real nice.
@ZachOlson
@Blah
Blah :
@ZachOlsonVonnegut wrote creative fiction. Franks writes creative truth.
Sweet!
Blah :
Me, too; and me too, in case that didn’t come through in black and white.
Pretty much; he certainly Cared. It’s too bad; I think a lot of people who Care are also struggling with a lot of unhappiness underneath (vis a vis his suicide attempt). Some ironic mix of neurochemical chaos where one goes with the other.
“The main thing is to care. Care very hard, even if it is only a game you are playing.” – Billie Jean King
(Sorry, I’m just miz quotomatic in this thread for some reason)
@frank
You’ve created a monster, DAMMIT! Sometimes I hate this place; I meant to leave for my ride half hour ago. I was just checking the wind direction on weather.com…
“just weather.com; don’t go to the V, don’t go to the V, don’t go to cycling news, don’t go to the V…”
In SOME areas, self-discipline completely fails me. Or I it.
OFF TO THE ASPHALT, sunshine or moonshine, it’s all the same to me! Huzzah!
My Velominati namebadge arrived in the post today…thanks, Frank!
…but I’m fucked if I can find a place on my bikes to put it. Stupid goddam skinny tube old school steel frames…grrrrr….
So when are we going to hear about how the multi-day ride across Australia went the other month? Or did everyone involved perish?
@mcsqueak
Just waiting for Marcus to submit it…
@frank
*Shakes clenched fist*
Happy Anniversary to Gianni and his VMH. A couple that rides together – stays married happily ever after. A great couple.
@Marko
Seconded! Happy Anniversary! Having spent a glorious week in their company in January, I can say without hesitation they are an example for us all. Cheers!
@all
I had a chat with Patrick over at Bulger Media last week about Hamilton and the state of our sport; have a listen:
http://packfiller.com/2011/05/26/its-time-to-talk-about-it/
1. Happy anniversary to Gianni
2. I’m listening now…
@frank
Your becoming a d class celeb in the cycling world. Up next you will be commentating on regional races.
Regional races? Hell, we need to think bigger than that. We need VTV. Imagine watching the RVV, PR, Giro, etc, livestreamed into the comfort of your own home, but instead of Italian or Flemish commentary which you don’t understand (ok, Pedale and Frank, respectively, will understand, but the rest of us won’t) you’d get to hear Frank, Gianni, Marko and Brett. Not that you’d find it easy to understand Frank once he got excited. Or Brett, because he’s Australian. But it can be hard to understand Roche or Kelly sometimes – and that’s worse, because what they have to say is useful, informative and relevant, none of which are likely to apply to Frank or Brett. And, anyway, there’d always be intelligible wry observations from Gianni, and Marko seems like the sort of reliable, grounded chap who could be relied upon as a sort of VTV Jens to take charge and drive the team forward when the need arose. So bring it on. I’ll subscribe.