Breaking The Rules: #29
As we gingerly assembled outside the gite, the Belgian sun shining for the first time in the three days we’d been in the spiritual home of cycling, the conversation was muted; what do you say to a legend of the sport, an apostle in his parish about to hold a sermon on two wheels? I can’t recall who it was who said it, but I remember the sentiment. Something along the lines of “yeah, we do that because that’s a Rule”. The rebuttal was swift and concise, its message with little to zero chance of being misinterpreted.
“NO RULES!”
I felt the collective wind rapidly leaving the sails of everyone within earshot. Those who didn’t hear it could sense that something was amiss.
When you have been told in no uncertain terms that the very essence of what you have built your reputation, your persona, indeed your identity on doesn’t mean a thing to someone you presumed would be a poster boy for all things Pro and style, it’s like being given the keys to a Ferrari then discovering it’s fitted with a speed limiter set to 60kmh. As we rolled through the farm tracks, byways and cobbled climbs around Kemmel, the Apostle seemed now keen to learn more of The Rules and what they encompassed in relation to not exactly looking Pro, but Looking Fantastic. This seemed to sit better with our guest, and by the end of the ride the “no rules” statement was long forgotten. But the sentiment was easier for us to comprehend; you can make the rules, you can bend them, even break them if you want, but if you must flout them, then do it with the same ideals with which you would obey them.
Which brings us to one of the most divisive Rules in the set; #29. “A saddle bag has no place on a road bike…” I think I even coined this particular one, and have been a long time advocate of its use. And because of my strict adherence to it, my bike always looked great but my jersey pockets started to resemble a camel named Humphrey. There was so much crap stuffed in there that my lower back would ache on any ride longer than down to the corner shop. Items were discarded ad hoc until the real danger was never being able to make it home without the help of a pump-wielding, tube-proffering riding mate.
I found what I thought might be the solution; a tiny ‘tube pack’ from Continental, which velcro’d to the seat rails like so many other packs, but was barely noticeable (by comparison). At least until you rode over anything rougher than the smoothest seal, when the Co2 canister inside would rattle itself against the seat base relentlessly and annoy the crap out of me (and anyone within a 2km radius). I’ve had it eject itself from my seat at the most inopportune times. So I’d stuff it into my jersey pocket, and be pretty much back at square one, only a slightly neater square one.
Our partnership with fizik gots me to thinkin’ though, and their small saddle pack looked at least like it had a cool mounting system with no chance of it rattling against the seat. Why the hell not? Now, while this pack is small and stylish, it’s still a saddle pack, and I’ll never really be a fan. They just cloud the aesthetic of any bike. But I’ve never been one to shy away from experimentation. Here’s the results so far:
Yes, it’s pretty compact. I can easily stuff a tube, 2 Co2 canisters, a lever, glueless patch kit and a multitool in there (though I never carry a tool). I’m sure another tube and a fair bit of useless stuff could be squeezed in too. Yes, the mounting system is cool, if you have a fizik saddle; it slides into the slot built into the base and can be adjusted to the angle best suited to the seat. If you don’t have a fizik saddle (why the hell not?) then there’s a velcro strap version too. But when mounted, the pack sticks out quite a way behind the saddle, which looks a bit weird to my eyes. So I struck on a solution; undo the hinge bolt on the pack’s mount, slide it out and turn the mounting arm around. Then slip it into the mounting slot from under the saddle (the front rather than the rear) and voila… tucked away nicely, looks way tidier and still easily accessible.
But, it’s still a saddle bag. While a functional, good looking one, the fact remains that any saddle bag looks worse than none at all. I can’t see it gracing my bike except for very long rides, when the maximum of gear needs to be carried. So if you’re going to mess with Rule #29, do it in style, keep it small, tidy and only filled with the bare essentials. I’m sure even an Apostle will back me up on this one.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/brettok@velominati.com/rule 29/”/]
Awesome….I sense a wavering on this rule….the manufacturers desire to sell us more and more stuff is cracking the skin of those that decry the “man bag”. As per previous posts, this is one rule, I do not so much refuse to obey…more duck and hope for the least amount of grief from other followers of the the V Faith. However I have erred again…I do not have a Fizik saddle…doh! Don’t worry it is on the list but I am currently packing a Selle Italia.
As for Man Bag…if you are going to go for it, Italian is the true path of righteousness. This one has a twist mechanism that makes it really easy to get off during those rapid tyre changes and punctures and I currently stuff my willy with Blackburn Toolminator2, 2 good levers, home made tyre boot (cut out length of conti tyre with the bead cut off…far better than those sticky things when you really need one), 2 x tubes. It is a tight squeeze but little willy is compact and a easy to open (none of those annoying circular end zips that never seem to want to close in the cold.
I give you……LITTLE WILLY!
minging – and you know it.
In support of your sponsors, this a comment on all saddle bags, not just this one.
If a tube, minipump and multitool give you backache, MTFU.
it was going to get posted sooner or later on this subject.
Get tubs and strap a spare under the seat. That’s old school casually deliberate and it removes those bulky tubes from the equation.
@Winterfold
Indeed. It’s all the other shit, phone, keys, bars or gels, and then if you need to stuff a gilet or arm warmers in there, it gets ugly.
Hence this sentence; “the fact remains that any saddle bag looks worse than none at all. I can’t see it gracing my bike except for very long rides…”
Heretic!
Was following fi’zi:k and Willy EPMS’s on the chain gang last night (final one of the year – got dropped like a Froome about a third of the way in but still copped my best time on the route ever).
Opinion – they’re not attractive and are distracting if you’re concentrating on your line and pace. One of the EPMS offenders kept cutting in early on me and my first thought (I kid you not) was it that it was because he had a man bag – although on calmer reflection he may also have been a cycling shit sandwich practitioner.
Nothing to do with this post but I heard another Ridley Damocles dropout failure story last night too – if you have one (and you should) do a visual check on it once a week to make sure the bolts are tight – always seems to be on the drive side and may be something to do with having mighty guns.
Good thinking but this solution doens’t work with the Arione.
Have one of these, always take it with me. Fuck keeping everything in my pockets
My machine always rocked the posterior man satchel until I found “The Rules.” Since then I’ve adopted the rule and now understand the spirit of it. My machine has a better esthetic because of my adherence. I do however break another rule in my compliance: I discretely Velcro my CO2 inflator and tire lever (I only carry one and do not understand why people carry 2) behind the seat tube up near the chain stays. Spare CO2 canister (which I’ve never had to use) goes in the end of my handle bar behind the plug. Spare tube is under the saddle and can’t be seen without looking for it.
Oh and the guy who kept cutting in also had a dork disk…
You are displaying the circular logic of a crack addict.
I don’t like drugs.
But that guy said drugs aren’t all that bad
So now I use drugs.
I love hopelessly useless examples that don’t illuminate what you’re talking about at all.
I deliberately have made my winter bike as heavy as I can get away with (cxp30s, 25mm gatorskins, uncut seatpost etc) and pack a monster saddlebag with 2 tubes, 2 co2 canisters and chuck, patches, blinky, chain tool, levers, multi tool etc. and the same on the SS mtb. On bike #1, no way. It is a good exercise in discipline to ride with less shit rather than more, and puts a bit more pressure on you to make sure you’re rolling on a bike in good shape that you can rely on. Stuffing a gillet anywhere looks like hell regardless of what you have in your pockets.
@Chris
Old school rules! This was my set up 1985-86, I was 14-15 years old!
The best part about my brown vinyl saddle bag which housed two tubes, Michelin levers, and a couple of hex keys, is that my Dad sewed it up for me! That brown vinyl bag has traveled plenty of K’s!
BTW – the frame is a 531 Kerry Hopkins. Still have those Ofmega Dt levers!
NO EPMS for me. I have a small top tube seat bag for longer rides. Not only does it have a better line, it also mean I can open it and pull out a gel, a cue sheet, etc while riding.
http://www.louisgarneau.com/in-en/product/0/1493733/_/AERO_GEL_BAG
@the Engine
You see it is people like this guy who give EPMS users a bad name! ;)
What happened to the straight edge rule holists. One of my favourite things about long rides was coming back empty – empty bottles, no food in the pockets, if you had warm clothing at the start in your pockets you’d be wearing it, and in contrast to leaving the house laden like a packhorse, you come home light with everything worked into place. Saddlebags aren’t one of my favourite things about riding, that’s for sure.
Two words …. A) No and secondly) No ….
I have nothing further to add …….. I will not be distracted from my course………
:-)
If you need an EPMS, you are carrying too much shit, period.
@Deakus
Nope – it’s the EPMS that they’re using that does that.
@Chris
Bump.
@sthilzy
The best part about my brown vinyl saddle bag which housed two tubes, Michelin levers, and a couple of hex keys, is that my Dad sewed it up for me! That brown vinyl bag has traveled plenty of K’s!
I spoke too soon about saddle bags not being one of my favourite things, your one is pretty cool.
That thing does look hideous.
The slot thingy means it sits further down and accentuates the bag. Makes a feature of it, like it’s some sort of bizarro codpiece.
I would have thought if you’re going to break the rule, while still thinking the rule is valid (seems to be the point of Brett’s piece), you’d want to use something that’s as close to the saddle and slimline as possible. This just makes no sense.
Ooooh you cannot reach me now
Ooooh no matter how you try
Goodbye cruel world it’s over
Ride on by
I have no real objection to saddle bags, but do we need to fucking brag about them?
This one is the bomb.
http://www.lezyne.com/products/organizers/caddys#!S-Caddy
I prefer a velcro strap system if I’m carrying more than what fits comfortably in my pockets. Something along these lines.
Long, mixed surface rides on the cyclocross bike makes for serious camel hump if trying to ride with a ‘cross-sized tube (I know, I know… I could just use a 700×18-23 tube, but they puncture easier in a 35mm ‘cross tire,) with a 16g CO2, phone, etc…
Ha, very timely. I will use one on longer touring rides and sometimes when doing cross training rides. The jostling of stuff in pockets is way worse off road, to me. Now that I finally own a V-jersey though I’ve run into the conundrum of being seen with the Rules highlighted on my bike…and an elephant sack under my saddle. So far I’ve avoided that collision.
Just a note, though this does make me an enabler – Arundel makes a nice one, perfect size, straps onto any saddle, stays out of the way, can be pulled down snugly and quite small. So there.
Nice work, brett!
@Oli
Ha, that’s a good point!
And on the topic of bags, minimalist tools, etc. I gotta say that all the committed Followers who then carry a goddamn smart brick around on every ride are fucking crazy. If you think you need that phone, you also need to get a second phone to carry when you are riding. Wasn’t the desire in the very recent past to have a small phone? When did folks get duped into thinking they need that brick? No Luddite here, but c’mon now. If folks are going to upgrade multi-tools, carry a latex tube to save weight, etc, then I gotta demand this phone situation be explored. A wee, basic phone without bells and whistles needs be considered if we are going to seek out carbon pumps…
@Ron
Aha…this is a very good point, and I do not wish to ever be accused of stubbornly holding a line of thought in the face of overwhelming evidence. I too this year am a first time proud owner of a V-Jersey and I guess my stance is becoming indefensible. I can hardly ride around glibbly display a commandment to obey the rules whilst “little willy” swings happily between my legs..
I feel I might need to get used to a camel hump now…lesson learned!
@Chris
Thank you. Brett has lost his fucking mind, hanging that shit off his bike. At least its small and compact.
Brett, you did well not to post pictures of your actual bike with that on there, so I can at least pretend that’s just your mountain bike, and continue to tell myself you’d never deface that beautiful Merckx like that.
@Blah
indeed
Merckx. I’m out. I can’t stand this, looking through this thread and seeing people bragging about their saddle bags. They are all shit. Yes, even the Lezyne one, and we all know I loves me some Lezyne.
I’m seriously considering demoting everyone who posts a picture of a saddle bag and says anything other than “what a fucking abomination”.
@The Tashkent Error
This.
What a fucking abomination
@Ron
i’ve considered this, actually. the problem is, any phone that would be suitable (a “just makes calls” type of phone) is either comparable in weight/bulk to my iphone, or it exceeds it. so it’s not really worth it. the market for such phones is quite small, so nobody’s dumping money into using cutting-edge technology to make them small/light. at least, they haven’t done that since the smart phone became ubiquitous.
@the Engine
When I saw this linked on Face Book, I almost puked myself.
i’ll admit to being a rule-breaker on this one. depends on the situation, in my opinion. for example: pros regularly use a seat bag and a frame pump on training rides (i.e. off season, not team training, no follow car), but then they’re out for eight hours and 200km days throwing down base miles. and they need their pockets for a jacket, food, phone, warmers, gloves, etc. if encountered with a similar situation, sure i’ll do it. beats looking too humped-up. if i’m just out for a 50km post-work spin, the most extra kit i’ll need (other than a jersey pocket’s worth of essential repair kit) is my phone, house key and maybe a jacket/gilet. so no biggie.
mainly, it comes down to aesthetics rather than comfort. i can obsess about how my bike looks as much as i want, but what cyclist doesn’t obsess over their look as well? the point where i look in the mirror and say “i look ridiculous” because of all the crap on my back is the point where i need to throw on an EPMS. best to distribute the ridiculous look a little bit; make the bike look a little crap so that i can look better.
and as far as bragging goes: i don’t think it’s so much that as brett/others trying to say “look, i don’t like doing this, but if i’m going to, i need to search long and hard for the best looking one i can find.” for me, anything wedge-style is out. anything tool-roll style is acceptable.
@brett
BULLSHIT.
I do 200km unsupported training rides with gilet, arm warmers food etc with NO SADDLE NUTSACK. Get a jersey that fits and you tuck the gilet under the jersey, food in side pockets, a small key for the house (you’re not honestly brining your entire key ring are you, nutter?) tools in middle pocket, arm warmers if they must come off in the side pockets neatly stowed. There’s even room in there for knee warmers and gloves if need be.
MTB or gravel rides in the mountains where you can die if something goes wrong with your kit is another matter, but for road cycling, this is just simply a matter of an improperly fitting jersey and carrying too much shit with you. MInimize, you’ve lost your way, my son.
I must admit to being a serial Rule #29 breaker. I work on the basis that i want to reduce to a minimum the amount of things i carry around in my jersey pockets.
What i would say though is that the design of the EPMS makes a big difference. I like mine to be tight up against the seat rails, i find any gaps very unsightly!
Please forgive me……..
@frank
Apart from a lunch stop and stopping to refill bottles at handy roadside fountains, everything I needed for my jaunt round over the Hautacam and Tourmalet was in my jersey (bar the spare tub under my saddle). A third bottle made it slightly bulky but not uncomfortable. Had I know how easy it would be to get water along the way I would have gone with two. Waterproofs feel really fucking heavy when its in the high 40s though.
Been a long winter down there Bretto? I quit putting a saddle bag on my bike when you Keepers were still in Pampers. Always thought it looked better.
Anyway; so I guess we just shit can Rule #1, #2 and #3 now? This almost calls for a Coup d’ état. (watch your back now).
“my lower back would ache on any ride longer than down to the corner shop”…
Seriously?… Please refer to Rule #5. Personally – breaking #29 is a no-go. Unless of course you just dont give a shit about looking pro.
Have to say, I use an EPMS. One reason is I have a routine for what goes in the back pockets: wallet (tyvek containing id, a couple of $$ and organ donor card) and phone in the center, gels on the right, other food on the left. In the EPMS; two tubes, two Co2s plus chuck, two levers and mini mini tool. Other than the disastrous ride last week, I’ve never punctured more than once on ride, no matter how long, but I play it safe. I really don’t have anyone to call and “rescue” me.
Part of the justification for my EPMS use is twofold: I grew up in the age of wool and early acrylic jerseys. They were cut longer than modern jerseys.Put too much in those buggers and they’d be hanging off the back of your saddle (shudder). Secondly, I really don’t like anything heavy bouncing around on my back. Old habits die hard I guess.
@frank
@scaler911
I’m still picking my jaw up off the floor from when the other Keepers asked me to request these from fizik. And I’ll take frank’s argument a step further. Long gravel and exposed rides in bad weather (read winter) justify an EPMS but I’ve been doing 100K plus gravel rides (in virtual wilderness – no water, no houses, no bathrooms, nothing but gravel) all summer without one. Frank’s fold-n-tuck of the gilet just doesn’t work for me because I don’t have a big ass like he does. So I used to argue for the EPMS on long, backcountry rides but I’m adding severe Rule #9 condish to that as well.
That said, I do like Brett’s innovation of turning the mounting clasp on the fizik bag backwards for a tighter tuck. Like with any tuck of a sack though, it may clean things up in the front but looks funny as hell sticking out the back.
@Ron
Interesting indeed. I try to keep everything in my smart wallet as a grab and go for the ride. Grab the wallet, grab the tube for the particular bike/tire I’m riding and leave. The phone and license are the other things that I grab. It would be something if I could just stash a permanent bike phone in there for emergencies. I have considered this with a drivers license, but a means of obtaining a duplicate valid license escapes me. I will meditate on this.
@brett
As for the breaking of this rule, really? This rule of all rules! I mean I couldn’t agree more with your sentiments on breaking the rules and why you would do it, but I can’t get there on this particular rule. Spend some energy cutting down on what you are carrying, not justifying how much you carry by carrying a “better” looking EPMS. And as for that particular fizik bag, I’m not sold. It is certainly an innovative idea, but not THE innovative idea.
Junk the CO2 and you’ll have a lot less weight and bulk in your pockets. If you don’t like a pump in your pocket and must break a rule, make it #30 and strap it to the frame.
@frank
Did an Audax back in March – 200km’s in a fucking blizzard over the hills of the Scottish Borders. Put everything either on my body or in my jersey pockets. Audaxer’s carry EPMS’s that would embarrass Imelda Marcos and fill them – me nada – and get this – I didn’t die. If you’re short of space you can always put surplus leg warmers etc down the side of your bibs. Mind you – if you put them down the front just so then it’s always a good conversation starter.
Oh – and the clasp on my fi’zi:k saddled is taken up with a fi’zi:k micro LED thingy…
@the Engine
I used to do those in the 80s. Early season 200kms from Johnstone up through Drymen, Callendar to Crrianlarich and back down Loch Lomondside to Johnstone. Tough going in the days of one bottle, damn few gas stations and often shitty weather. By the time I’d ridden to Johnstone and back, I likely had 230 kms in the legs. Still strapped the spare tubes etc under the saddle as you needed all your pockets for food!
Given that no one has expressed outrage over the appearance of a spare tub stuffed under the saddle, I hereby call upon fi’zi:k to produce an EPMS that looks like a folded tub. Problem? Solved.