As we gingerly assembled outside the gite, the Belgian sun shining for the first time in the three days we’d been in the spiritual home of cycling, the conversation was muted; what do you say to a legend of the sport, an apostle in his parish about to hold a sermon on two wheels? I can’t recall who it was who said it, but I remember the sentiment. Something along the lines of “yeah, we do that because that’s a Rule”. The rebuttal was swift and concise, its message with little to zero chance of being misinterpreted.
“NO RULES!”
I felt the collective wind rapidly leaving the sails of everyone within earshot. Those who didn’t hear it could sense that something was amiss.
When you have been told in no uncertain terms that the very essence of what you have built your reputation, your persona, indeed your identity on doesn’t mean a thing to someone you presumed would be a poster boy for all things Pro and style, it’s like being given the keys to a Ferrari then discovering it’s fitted with a speed limiter set to 60kmh. As we rolled through the farm tracks, byways and cobbled climbs around Kemmel, the Apostle seemed now keen to learn more of The Rules and what they encompassed in relation to not exactly looking Pro, but Looking Fantastic. This seemed to sit better with our guest, and by the end of the ride the “no rules” statement was long forgotten. But the sentiment was easier for us to comprehend; you can make the rules, you can bend them, even break them if you want, but if you must flout them, then do it with the same ideals with which you would obey them.
Which brings us to one of the most divisive Rules in the set; #29. “A saddle bag has no place on a road bike…” I think I even coined this particular one, and have been a long time advocate of its use. And because of my strict adherence to it, my bike always looked great but my jersey pockets started to resemble a camel named Humphrey. There was so much crap stuffed in there that my lower back would ache on any ride longer than down to the corner shop. Items were discarded ad hoc until the real danger was never being able to make it home without the help of a pump-wielding, tube-proffering riding mate.
I found what I thought might be the solution; a tiny ‘tube pack’ from Continental, which velcro’d to the seat rails like so many other packs, but was barely noticeable (by comparison). At least until you rode over anything rougher than the smoothest seal, when the Co2 canister inside would rattle itself against the seat base relentlessly and annoy the crap out of me (and anyone within a 2km radius). I’ve had it eject itself from my seat at the most inopportune times. So I’d stuff it into my jersey pocket, and be pretty much back at square one, only a slightly neater square one.
Our partnership with fizik gots me to thinkin’ though, and their small saddle pack looked at least like it had a cool mounting system with no chance of it rattling against the seat. Why the hell not? Now, while this pack is small and stylish, it’s still a saddle pack, and I’ll never really be a fan. They just cloud the aesthetic of any bike. But I’ve never been one to shy away from experimentation. Here’s the results so far:
Yes, it’s pretty compact. I can easily stuff a tube, 2 Co2 canisters, a lever, glueless patch kit and a multitool in there (though I never carry a tool). I’m sure another tube and a fair bit of useless stuff could be squeezed in too. Yes, the mounting system is cool, if you have a fizik saddle; it slides into the slot built into the base and can be adjusted to the angle best suited to the seat. If you don’t have a fizik saddle (why the hell not?) then there’s a velcro strap version too. But when mounted, the pack sticks out quite a way behind the saddle, which looks a bit weird to my eyes. So I struck on a solution; undo the hinge bolt on the pack’s mount, slide it out and turn the mounting arm around. Then slip it into the mounting slot from under the saddle (the front rather than the rear) and voila… tucked away nicely, looks way tidier and still easily accessible.
But, it’s still a saddle bag. While a functional, good looking one, the fact remains that any saddle bag looks worse than none at all. I can’t see it gracing my bike except for very long rides, when the maximum of gear needs to be carried. So if you’re going to mess with Rule #29, do it in style, keep it small, tidy and only filled with the bare essentials. I’m sure even an Apostle will back me up on this one.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/brettok@velominati.com/rule 29/”/]
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@mcsqueak It's part of your DNA to "move up" and when I (myself) catch someone, there is an instant to "see" if there is any reason to slow and chat awhile. Or just move onward. Usually the bike that another rider is on will become an ice breaker. This week I experienced the opposite situation: I had just crossed the lake dam on the lower side and after climbing back up (still solo) was about to merge into the median to U turn and return across the upper portion of the dam (the dam entrance). I always look over the left shoulder and... I did so. There was another rider killing it (coming up) to overtake me on my left. I see him just before as I am about to cross the line to move over. Throwing my hand up he realizes that passing me on the left is bad at this point. He goes to the right "safely" and without a word. I made him aware of his poor communicating skills by throwing up the hand -- taking my line -- and never said a word to him either. But I did look him straight in the "eyewear" -- Bastard!
@Chris
And frankly, unless you're on a mountain...
Gorgeous aren't they.
@wiscot
Desire would be a better simile - put it this way if your interpretation is correct I'll sin by going for the wife and female servant and you can make your own mind up...
@ChrisO
They are indeed things of beauty
Rule #92: "Flaunt" and "flout" do not mean the same thing.
To flout a rule is to willfully disobey it. To flaunt a rule is to, say, print a rule on a big banner and wave it around yelling, "hey, everybody, look at my awesome rule!" Which is kind of the same thing as refusing to use a saddle bag when you clearly need one, but I think you meant the former.
@frank
You haven't met Mrs Engine have you?
I'm working on the principle that if I can get her on a bike (other than a unicycle or recumbent) then I'm laying the foundation to have a conversation at some point next spring along the lines of, "Now your guns are like steel and you can stay upright wouldn't you like to try something like those nice bicycles that those chaps rode past us very quickly in France? Mmm?"
@ChrisO
Quite - although I insist on referring to Mrs Engine as a VMH. Much as some of the folks on here have projects rescuing unpromising bits of metal and turning them back into the dream bikes of the 1980's, so I have a project that SWHMBIAV can be turned in to a handy training partner.
@the Engine
I have to be careful of my words here--this is a public place and therefore "discoverable," and I could have my balls handed to me by a certain female creature--but I am well on the way to having not only a live-in training partner but an increasingly rule-compliant one who can make me suffer on long climbs--admittedly not in the least a high bar, but this is all about me and my needs in the present.
It was a matter of careful, gradual treatment for a long addiction to mountain biking and an equally gradual introduction to the aesthetics of the road. Four months into this transformation, we just have to get her into Portland or Seattle with a few hours to spare to gain Rule #34 compliance. It's comical, if painful, to see her throw a leg over her bike in her Castelli kit and new Giro Aeon and click her mtb shoes into an old pair of SPDs I had lying around...problem with living in the far boonies and working too much. But she wants Speedplays, which I take to be auspicious.
@ChrisO The again, one of these might be the way to go, enough space for a small picnic and a couple of beers.
@Chris
Heh, my girlfriend wants one of these, as she is scared to death of tipping over on a normal bike.
To be fair, I quite like my bike time as "my time" and she's an awesome lady who supports my cycling addiction, so I'm going to try and force a normal bike on her, and I have no illusions of ever having her be a training partner for me, just like she knows I'll never go running with her. But it would be nice to take our city bikes to the pub or out for dinner rather than always driving...