As we gingerly assembled outside the gite, the Belgian sun shining for the first time in the three days we’d been in the spiritual home of cycling, the conversation was muted; what do you say to a legend of the sport, an apostle in his parish about to hold a sermon on two wheels? I can’t recall who it was who said it, but I remember the sentiment. Something along the lines of “yeah, we do that because that’s a Rule”. The rebuttal was swift and concise, its message with little to zero chance of being misinterpreted.
“NO RULES!”
I felt the collective wind rapidly leaving the sails of everyone within earshot. Those who didn’t hear it could sense that something was amiss.
When you have been told in no uncertain terms that the very essence of what you have built your reputation, your persona, indeed your identity on doesn’t mean a thing to someone you presumed would be a poster boy for all things Pro and style, it’s like being given the keys to a Ferrari then discovering it’s fitted with a speed limiter set to 60kmh. As we rolled through the farm tracks, byways and cobbled climbs around Kemmel, the Apostle seemed now keen to learn more of The Rules and what they encompassed in relation to not exactly looking Pro, but Looking Fantastic. This seemed to sit better with our guest, and by the end of the ride the “no rules” statement was long forgotten. But the sentiment was easier for us to comprehend; you can make the rules, you can bend them, even break them if you want, but if you must flout them, then do it with the same ideals with which you would obey them.
Which brings us to one of the most divisive Rules in the set; #29. “A saddle bag has no place on a road bike…” I think I even coined this particular one, and have been a long time advocate of its use. And because of my strict adherence to it, my bike always looked great but my jersey pockets started to resemble a camel named Humphrey. There was so much crap stuffed in there that my lower back would ache on any ride longer than down to the corner shop. Items were discarded ad hoc until the real danger was never being able to make it home without the help of a pump-wielding, tube-proffering riding mate.
I found what I thought might be the solution; a tiny ‘tube pack’ from Continental, which velcro’d to the seat rails like so many other packs, but was barely noticeable (by comparison). At least until you rode over anything rougher than the smoothest seal, when the Co2 canister inside would rattle itself against the seat base relentlessly and annoy the crap out of me (and anyone within a 2km radius). I’ve had it eject itself from my seat at the most inopportune times. So I’d stuff it into my jersey pocket, and be pretty much back at square one, only a slightly neater square one.
Our partnership with fizik gots me to thinkin’ though, and their small saddle pack looked at least like it had a cool mounting system with no chance of it rattling against the seat. Why the hell not? Now, while this pack is small and stylish, it’s still a saddle pack, and I’ll never really be a fan. They just cloud the aesthetic of any bike. But I’ve never been one to shy away from experimentation. Here’s the results so far:
Yes, it’s pretty compact. I can easily stuff a tube, 2 Co2 canisters, a lever, glueless patch kit and a multitool in there (though I never carry a tool). I’m sure another tube and a fair bit of useless stuff could be squeezed in too. Yes, the mounting system is cool, if you have a fizik saddle; it slides into the slot built into the base and can be adjusted to the angle best suited to the seat. If you don’t have a fizik saddle (why the hell not?) then there’s a velcro strap version too. But when mounted, the pack sticks out quite a way behind the saddle, which looks a bit weird to my eyes. So I struck on a solution; undo the hinge bolt on the pack’s mount, slide it out and turn the mounting arm around. Then slip it into the mounting slot from under the saddle (the front rather than the rear) and voila… tucked away nicely, looks way tidier and still easily accessible.
But, it’s still a saddle bag. While a functional, good looking one, the fact remains that any saddle bag looks worse than none at all. I can’t see it gracing my bike except for very long rides, when the maximum of gear needs to be carried. So if you’re going to mess with Rule #29, do it in style, keep it small, tidy and only filled with the bare essentials. I’m sure even an Apostle will back me up on this one.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/brettok@velominati.com/rule 29/”/]
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View Comments
@Blah
indeed
Merckx. I'm out. I can't stand this, looking through this thread and seeing people bragging about their saddle bags. They are all shit. Yes, even the Lezyne one, and we all know I loves me some Lezyne.
I'm seriously considering demoting everyone who posts a picture of a saddle bag and says anything other than "what a fucking abomination".
@The Tashkent Error
This.
What a fucking abomination
@Ron
i've considered this, actually. the problem is, any phone that would be suitable (a "just makes calls" type of phone) is either comparable in weight/bulk to my iphone, or it exceeds it. so it's not really worth it. the market for such phones is quite small, so nobody's dumping money into using cutting-edge technology to make them small/light. at least, they haven't done that since the smart phone became ubiquitous.
@the Engine
When I saw this linked on Face Book, I almost puked myself.
i'll admit to being a rule-breaker on this one. depends on the situation, in my opinion. for example: pros regularly use a seat bag and a frame pump on training rides (i.e. off season, not team training, no follow car), but then they're out for eight hours and 200km days throwing down base miles. and they need their pockets for a jacket, food, phone, warmers, gloves, etc. if encountered with a similar situation, sure i'll do it. beats looking too humped-up. if i'm just out for a 50km post-work spin, the most extra kit i'll need (other than a jersey pocket's worth of essential repair kit) is my phone, house key and maybe a jacket/gilet. so no biggie.
mainly, it comes down to aesthetics rather than comfort. i can obsess about how my bike looks as much as i want, but what cyclist doesn't obsess over their look as well? the point where i look in the mirror and say "i look ridiculous" because of all the crap on my back is the point where i need to throw on an EPMS. best to distribute the ridiculous look a little bit; make the bike look a little crap so that i can look better.
and as far as bragging goes: i don't think it's so much that as brett/others trying to say "look, i don't like doing this, but if i'm going to, i need to search long and hard for the best looking one i can find." for me, anything wedge-style is out. anything tool-roll style is acceptable.
@brett
BULLSHIT.
I do 200km unsupported training rides with gilet, arm warmers food etc with NO SADDLE NUTSACK. Get a jersey that fits and you tuck the gilet under the jersey, food in side pockets, a small key for the house (you're not honestly brining your entire key ring are you, nutter?) tools in middle pocket, arm warmers if they must come off in the side pockets neatly stowed. There's even room in there for knee warmers and gloves if need be.
MTB or gravel rides in the mountains where you can die if something goes wrong with your kit is another matter, but for road cycling, this is just simply a matter of an improperly fitting jersey and carrying too much shit with you. MInimize, you've lost your way, my son.
I must admit to being a serial Rule 29 breaker. I work on the basis that i want to reduce to a minimum the amount of things i carry around in my jersey pockets.
What i would say though is that the design of the EPMS makes a big difference. I like mine to be tight up against the seat rails, i find any gaps very unsightly!
Please forgive me........
@frank
Apart from a lunch stop and stopping to refill bottles at handy roadside fountains, everything I needed for my jaunt round over the Hautacam and Tourmalet was in my jersey (bar the spare tub under my saddle). A third bottle made it slightly bulky but not uncomfortable. Had I know how easy it would be to get water along the way I would have gone with two. Waterproofs feel really fucking heavy when its in the high 40s though.