As we gingerly assembled outside the gite, the Belgian sun shining for the first time in the three days we’d been in the spiritual home of cycling, the conversation was muted; what do you say to a legend of the sport, an apostle in his parish about to hold a sermon on two wheels? I can’t recall who it was who said it, but I remember the sentiment. Something along the lines of “yeah, we do that because that’s a Rule”. The rebuttal was swift and concise, its message with little to zero chance of being misinterpreted.
“NO RULES!”
I felt the collective wind rapidly leaving the sails of everyone within earshot. Those who didn’t hear it could sense that something was amiss.
When you have been told in no uncertain terms that the very essence of what you have built your reputation, your persona, indeed your identity on doesn’t mean a thing to someone you presumed would be a poster boy for all things Pro and style, it’s like being given the keys to a Ferrari then discovering it’s fitted with a speed limiter set to 60kmh. As we rolled through the farm tracks, byways and cobbled climbs around Kemmel, the Apostle seemed now keen to learn more of The Rules and what they encompassed in relation to not exactly looking Pro, but Looking Fantastic. This seemed to sit better with our guest, and by the end of the ride the “no rules” statement was long forgotten. But the sentiment was easier for us to comprehend; you can make the rules, you can bend them, even break them if you want, but if you must flout them, then do it with the same ideals with which you would obey them.
Which brings us to one of the most divisive Rules in the set; #29. “A saddle bag has no place on a road bike…” I think I even coined this particular one, and have been a long time advocate of its use. And because of my strict adherence to it, my bike always looked great but my jersey pockets started to resemble a camel named Humphrey. There was so much crap stuffed in there that my lower back would ache on any ride longer than down to the corner shop. Items were discarded ad hoc until the real danger was never being able to make it home without the help of a pump-wielding, tube-proffering riding mate.
I found what I thought might be the solution; a tiny ‘tube pack’ from Continental, which velcro’d to the seat rails like so many other packs, but was barely noticeable (by comparison). At least until you rode over anything rougher than the smoothest seal, when the Co2 canister inside would rattle itself against the seat base relentlessly and annoy the crap out of me (and anyone within a 2km radius). I’ve had it eject itself from my seat at the most inopportune times. So I’d stuff it into my jersey pocket, and be pretty much back at square one, only a slightly neater square one.
Our partnership with fizik gots me to thinkin’ though, and their small saddle pack looked at least like it had a cool mounting system with no chance of it rattling against the seat. Why the hell not? Now, while this pack is small and stylish, it’s still a saddle pack, and I’ll never really be a fan. They just cloud the aesthetic of any bike. But I’ve never been one to shy away from experimentation. Here’s the results so far:
Yes, it’s pretty compact. I can easily stuff a tube, 2 Co2 canisters, a lever, glueless patch kit and a multitool in there (though I never carry a tool). I’m sure another tube and a fair bit of useless stuff could be squeezed in too. Yes, the mounting system is cool, if you have a fizik saddle; it slides into the slot built into the base and can be adjusted to the angle best suited to the seat. If you don’t have a fizik saddle (why the hell not?) then there’s a velcro strap version too. But when mounted, the pack sticks out quite a way behind the saddle, which looks a bit weird to my eyes. So I struck on a solution; undo the hinge bolt on the pack’s mount, slide it out and turn the mounting arm around. Then slip it into the mounting slot from under the saddle (the front rather than the rear) and voila… tucked away nicely, looks way tidier and still easily accessible.
But, it’s still a saddle bag. While a functional, good looking one, the fact remains that any saddle bag looks worse than none at all. I can’t see it gracing my bike except for very long rides, when the maximum of gear needs to be carried. So if you’re going to mess with Rule #29, do it in style, keep it small, tidy and only filled with the bare essentials. I’m sure even an Apostle will back me up on this one.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/brettok@velominati.com/rule 29/”/]
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Been a long winter down there Bretto? I quit putting a saddle bag on my bike when you Keepers were still in Pampers. Always thought it looked better.
Anyway; so I guess we just shit can Rule #1, #2 and #3 now? This almost calls for a Coup d' état. (watch your back now).
"my lower back would ache on any ride longer than down to the corner shop"...
Seriously?... Please refer to rule #5. Personally - breaking #29 is a no-go. Unless of course you just dont give a shit about looking pro.
Have to say, I use an EPMS. One reason is I have a routine for what goes in the back pockets: wallet (tyvek containing id, a couple of $$ and organ donor card) and phone in the center, gels on the right, other food on the left. In the EPMS; two tubes, two Co2s plus chuck, two levers and mini mini tool. Other than the disastrous ride last week, I've never punctured more than once on ride, no matter how long, but I play it safe. I really don't have anyone to call and "rescue" me.
Part of the justification for my EPMS use is twofold: I grew up in the age of wool and early acrylic jerseys. They were cut longer than modern jerseys.Put too much in those buggers and they'd be hanging off the back of your saddle (shudder). Secondly, I really don't like anything heavy bouncing around on my back. Old habits die hard I guess.
@frank
@scaler911
I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor from when the other Keepers asked me to request these from fizik. And I'll take frank's argument a step further. Long gravel and exposed rides in bad weather (read winter) justify an EPMS but I've been doing 100K plus gravel rides (in virtual wilderness - no water, no houses, no bathrooms, nothing but gravel) all summer without one. Frank's fold-n-tuck of the gilet just doesn't work for me because I don't have a big ass like he does. So I used to argue for the EPMS on long, backcountry rides but I'm adding severe Rule 9 condish to that as well.
That said, I do like Brett's innovation of turning the mounting clasp on the fizik bag backwards for a tighter tuck. Like with any tuck of a sack though, it may clean things up in the front but looks funny as hell sticking out the back.
@Ron
Interesting indeed. I try to keep everything in my smart wallet as a grab and go for the ride. Grab the wallet, grab the tube for the particular bike/tire I'm riding and leave. The phone and license are the other things that I grab. It would be something if I could just stash a permanent bike phone in there for emergencies. I have considered this with a drivers license, but a means of obtaining a duplicate valid license escapes me. I will meditate on this.
@brett
As for the breaking of this rule, really? This rule of all rules! I mean I couldn't agree more with your sentiments on breaking the rules and why you would do it, but I can't get there on this particular rule. Spend some energy cutting down on what you are carrying, not justifying how much you carry by carrying a "better" looking EPMS. And as for that particular fizik bag, I'm not sold. It is certainly an innovative idea, but not THE innovative idea.
Junk the CO2 and you'll have a lot less weight and bulk in your pockets. If you don't like a pump in your pocket and must break a rule, make it #30 and strap it to the frame.
@frank
Did an Audax back in March - 200km's in a fucking blizzard over the hills of the Scottish Borders. Put everything either on my body or in my jersey pockets. Audaxer's carry EPMS's that would embarrass Imelda Marcos and fill them - me nada - and get this - I didn't die. If you're short of space you can always put surplus leg warmers etc down the side of your bibs. Mind you - if you put them down the front just so then it's always a good conversation starter.
Oh - and the clasp on my fi'zi:k saddled is taken up with a fi'zi:k micro LED thingy...
@the Engine
I used to do those in the 80s. Early season 200kms from Johnstone up through Drymen, Callendar to Crrianlarich and back down Loch Lomondside to Johnstone. Tough going in the days of one bottle, damn few gas stations and often shitty weather. By the time I'd ridden to Johnstone and back, I likely had 230 kms in the legs. Still strapped the spare tubes etc under the saddle as you needed all your pockets for food!
Given that no one has expressed outrage over the appearance of a spare tub stuffed under the saddle, I hereby call upon fi'zi:k to produce an EPMS that looks like a folded tub. Problem? Solved.