Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Mar 2 2016 at 11:02 am

@Paul D

It’s very difficult not to wear your bib shorts long when you’re only 5’4″. I wish the manufacturers would realise small doesn’t just mean mountain goat skinny but that some of us are just plain short. I mean I use a pair of knee warmers and some overshoes and I have full length leg warmers.

While I admit one needs to be very careful when taking style cues from Tommy V, he manages it by just pulling them up and letting his bibs bunch up a bit. Its not ideal, but its better than wearing them too long.

Bettini did the same as well. And
Oli says:

Mar 2 2016 at 11:53 am

@The Pressure

*nods cagily yet with air of respect*
Beers says:

Mar 2 2016 at 3:09 pm

@teleguy57

@wiscot

I adhere to the lowest level in the Pro range. Socks that length are as long as they need to be and have the advantage of showing maximum calf/ankle definition. I’m also a white sock guy. Maybe, maybe black, but colors? Never.

BTW, was there ANYTHING Hinault didn’t excel at? Certainly not in the sartorial department. That pic of him is perfection.

Oh, and Armstrong is, and always will be COTHO.

+1 @Wiscot on all your points. Although on socks I do make one exception for color in season with the appropriate jerseys and green-striped tires:

Are you Flandrien?
sthilzy says:

Mar 2 2016 at 5:31 pm

Top end of Zone #03?

Nice seeing WC jersey and black bibs! No gloves! Pity pinning race number not upside down.

Great pic from Gruber Images
sthilzy says:

Mar 2 2016 at 5:39 pm

Peter has shaved recently.......
teleguy57 says:

Mar 2 2016 at 6:09 pm

@Beers

@teleguy57

@wiscot

I adhere to the lowest level in the Pro range. Socks that length are as long as they need to be and have the advantage of showing maximum calf/ankle definition. I’m also a white sock guy. Maybe, maybe black, but colors? Never.

BTW, was there ANYTHING Hinault didn’t excel at? Certainly not in the sartorial department. That pic of him is perfection.

Oh, and Armstrong is, and always will be COTHO.

+1 @Wiscot on all your points. Although on socks I do make one exception for color in season with the appropriate jerseys and green-striped tires:

Are you Flandrien?

Nah, Cheesehead (WI). A strong Belgian community in Door County WI (reported to the be largest Belgian settlement in the US of A) that is both Flandrien and Walloon. My wife grew up with her Irish/German father yelling "allez, allez" to her when she was late. I'm much more a rouleur than grimpeur by body type (in other words, too fat to climb) but really just a Flandrien wanna-be in my Walter Mitty dreams.
Beers says:

Mar 2 2016 at 6:34 pm

Ah, home of the Cheesehead Roubaix. I just wondered, what with the appropriation of the Lion, whether there was any resentment in the Flemish community to it being bandied about, and at times, utilised to market products or events that have nothing to do with their homeland.

I can't see myself wearing the colours of another countries flag for example, so it may seem curious to them why others may wish to make the Lion their own.

However, it may also be a source of pride that people wish to identify with the mystical culture, location and athletes that come from Vlaanderen.

As you were good sir.
teleguy57 says:

Mar 2 2016 at 6:48 pm

@Beers

Ah, home of the Cheesehead Roubaix. I just wondered, what with the appropriation of the Lion, whether there was any resentment in the Flemish community to it being bandied about, and at times, utilised to market products or events that have nothing to do with their homeland.

I can’t see myself wearing the colours of another countries flag for example, so it may seem curious to them why others may wish to make the Lion their own.

However, it may also be a source of pride that people wish to identify with the mystical culture, location and athletes that come from Vlaanderen.

As you were good sir.

Yes, the Cheesehead Roubaix is a fun event; looking forward to riding it again this year.

I tend to think of the Lion/tricolour/etc as signs of respect and reverence rather than inappropriate appropriation. Just like we're cool with anyone who wears Packer Green and Gold in admiration.
RobSandy says:

Mar 3 2016 at 12:34 am

@sthilzy

Top end of Zone #03?

Nice seeing WC jersey and black bibs! No gloves! Pity pinning race number not upside down.

Great pic from Gruber Images

Perfection on a bike!
Teocalli says:

Mar 3 2016 at 1:16 am

@teleguy57

My wife grew up with her Irish/German father yelling “allez, allez” to her when she was late.

Well that figures in a US Euro sort of way.........