Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Buck Rogers says:

Mar 3 2016 at 4:48 am

@sthilzy

Peter has shaved recently…….

Damn! Man, he had the Jim Morrison locks going there. Loved his hair. Pure head hair envy here! Now if we could only get him to shave his legs!!!
936adl says:

Mar 3 2016 at 5:45 am

@RobSandy

@sthilzy

Top end of Zone #03?

Nice seeing WC jersey and black bibs! No gloves! Pity pinning race number not upside down.

Great pic from Gruber Images

Perfection on a bike!

Amen.

Quite magnificent.
Ron says:

Mar 3 2016 at 7:36 am

@frank

@Paul D

It’s very difficult not to wear your bib shorts long when you’re only 5’4″. I wish the manufacturers would realise small doesn’t just mean mountain goat skinny but that some of us are just plain short. I mean I use a pair of knee warmers and some overshoes and I have full length leg warmers.

While I admit one needs to be very careful when taking style cues from Tommy V, he manages it by just pulling them up and letting his bibs bunch up a bit. Its not ideal, but its better than wearing them too long.

Bettini did the same as well. And

Ugliest Colnago of all time? Also, I wonder how Tommy is feeling about being on BHs after a lot of time on Colnago. Will we see more or less face pulling?

Also...I have a cat named Cricket. All black, smart as hell, picked up by the VMH when he got tailed off the family autobuss crossing a busy road.
Scott says:

Mar 3 2016 at 8:24 am

Tommeke's rule on shorts: http://velonews.competitor.com/2016/03/news/road/champions-legwarmer-code_397158

A man intimately familiar not only with the Rules, but also how to appropriately flout them. Throw in a touch of arrogance and a heaping helping of V, and you have a true Champion.
Harminator says:

Mar 3 2016 at 9:07 am

@Scott

Tommeke’s rule on shorts: http://velonews.competitor.com/2016/03/news/road/champions-legwarmer-code_397158

A man intimately familiar not only with the Rules, but also how to appropriately flout them. Throw in a touch of arrogance and a heaping helping of V, and you have a true Champion.

Interesting, but mostly because the idea was aired here by Frank in January...

Gunslinger
Ccos says:

Mar 3 2016 at 9:31 am

@Frank Aren't you going about this all wrong? Maybe we'd get more traction petitioning the UCI to pass rules on this matter. That always seems to work...

(if someone already said this, sorry. 115 posts is just too damn many to read in detail)
Mikael Liddy says:

Mar 3 2016 at 9:38 am

Sure, this is nowhere near as impressive as the perfection demonstrated by Lizzie further up the page, but just to make a few of you jealous, here's an example of just how good the length is on those v-socks.
Gianni says:

Mar 3 2016 at 9:44 am

@Ron

@frank

@Paul D

It’s very difficult not to wear your bib shorts long when you’re only 5’4″. I wish the manufacturers would realise small doesn’t just mean mountain goat skinny but that some of us are just plain short. I mean I use a pair of knee warmers and some overshoes and I have full length leg warmers.

While I admit one needs to be very careful when taking style cues from Tommy V, he manages it by just pulling them up and letting his bibs bunch up a bit. Its not ideal, but its better than wearing them too long.

Bettini did the same as well. And

Ugliest Colnago of all time? Also, I wonder how Tommy is feeling about being on BHs after a lot of time on Colnago. Will we see more or less face pulling?

Also…I have a cat named Cricket. All black, smart as hell, picked up by the VMH when he got tailed off the family autobuss crossing a busy road.

Ron, no Colnago C-59 is ugly. I'd take that bike in a second. Are we allowed to ride all yellow bikes? Maybe that is too much like riding around in a maillot jaune.
RobSandy says:

Mar 3 2016 at 9:57 am

@Mikael Liddy

Sure, this is nowhere near as impressive as the perfection demonstrated by Lizzie further up the page, but just to make a few of you jealous, here’s an example of just how good the length is on those v-socks.

Tony Martin?
Teocalli says:

Mar 3 2016 at 10:51 am

@Mikael Liddy

Sure, this is nowhere near as impressive as the perfection demonstrated by Lizzie further up the page, but just to make a few of you jealous, here’s an example of just how good the length is on those v-socks.

The guy in the middle looks as though he is throwing up having just seen the awesomeness of the V socks and compared with his shorties.