Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Harminator says:

Mar 3 2016 at 12:55 pm

@Teocalli

@Mikael Liddy

Sure, this is nowhere near as impressive as the perfection demonstrated by Lizzie further up the page, but just to make a few of you jealous, here’s an example of just how good the length is on those v-socks.

The guy in the middle looks as though he is throwing up having just seen the awesomeness of the V socks and compared with his shorties.

The "guy in the middle" just rode over 1000k in one effort - from Melbourne to Adelaide - in 40 hours. His socks suck but he and the Man with the Hammer are best mates.
Teocalli says:

Mar 3 2016 at 2:25 pm

@Harminator

In which case - Respect.
Mikael Liddy says:

Mar 3 2016 at 5:42 pm

@Teocalli

@Harminator

In which case – Respect.

Said photo was from early last year. In the intervening period I have dispensed more knowledge on the mad bastard, which has been quite successful in quelling his female tennis player tendencies, however he still seems to be struggling with Rule #50...

That's Sam 2nd from left, this was taken just after they ticked over the 1,000k mark, with about 10k of climbing to go, before a glorious 20k descent to their finish at the Adelaide Oval. Those aren't yet Recovery Ales, as there was still energy to be expended they are Hops Based Sports Drinks.
Barracuda says:

Mar 3 2016 at 5:54 pm

@Harminator

@Teocalli

@Mikael Liddy

Sure, this is nowhere near as impressive as the perfection demonstrated by Lizzie further up the page, but just to make a few of you jealous, here’s an example of just how good the length is on those v-socks.

The guy in the middle looks as though he is throwing up having just seen the awesomeness of the V socks and compared with his shorties.

The “guy in the middle” just rode over 1000k in one effort – from Melbourne to Adelaide – in 40 hours. His socks suck but he and the Man with the Hammer are best mates.

Same day, same ride, sock length impeccable. Race number on bike indicates next level up however.

No pies were consumed by this bloke before heading back to Adelaide.
Mikael Liddy says:

Mar 3 2016 at 6:59 pm

@RobSandy

@Mikael Liddy

Sure, this is nowhere near as impressive as the perfection demonstrated by Lizzie further up the page, but just to make a few of you jealous, here’s an example of just how good the length is on those v-socks.

Tony Martin?

Not quite, the lineage is Danish, not German, there's also the small matter of possessing about 1/4 of the power...
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 4 2016 at 7:00 am

@Barracuda

@Harminator

@Teocalli

@Mikael Liddy

Sure, this is nowhere near as impressive as the perfection demonstrated by Lizzie further up the page, but just to make a few of you jealous, here’s an example of just how good the length is on those v-socks.

The guy in the middle looks as though he is throwing up having just seen the awesomeness of the V socks and compared with his shorties.

The “guy in the middle” just rode over 1000k in one effort – from Melbourne to Adelaide – in 40 hours. His socks suck but he and the Man with the Hammer are best mates.

Same day, same ride, sock length impeccable. Race number on bike indicates next level up however.

No pies were consumed by this bloke before heading back to Adelaide.

I don't know, man. Those socks look a centimeter or two too high for me. But I always tend aesthetically toward the lower level of the correct sock zone.
Mikael Liddy says:

Mar 9 2016 at 8:04 pm

@frank

@wiscot

Looks better in the photos than it does on TV.

The backstory for this just popped up on Rouleur's site today - https://rouleur.cc/journal/history/bernard-hinault-punch