Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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RobSandy says:

Mar 1 2016 at 12:40 am

@asyax

Love this line – ” Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.”

Yes, that made me laugh out loud in the office.
RobSandy says:

Mar 1 2016 at 12:42 am

What a fantastic lead photo. Instead of all the words we write about looking Fantastic can we just use that picture instead?

And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It's driving me nuts.
Andy says:

Mar 1 2016 at 12:58 am

@RobSandy

Bernard Hinault
Teocalli says:

Mar 1 2016 at 1:34 am

@Sparty

I’ll be the first to post in defense of the pros. The professional teams are all sponsored, from head-to-toe, by some very major cycling apparel brands. These misguided apparel designers obviously are oblivious of the Rules. I have listened to their argument that a longer set of bibs provide muscle compression which, in theory, can help reduce gun fatigue. They also argue that a longer length bib short can have a marginal aero advantage when the right materials are used. Regardless of their rationale, the pros must wear what the team sponsors provide. I would like to see a pro, any pro, eschew the long bib shorts by rolling under the bottom third of the leg and thus showing the apparel sponsors and other self-respecting pros how a kit is to be worn.

I can not argue in defense of the non-pro who purchases these “fashionable” long legged shorts or too tall/too small sock. That is on you brothers and sisters and your tan lines are going to suck!

Oh it's based on science. Silly me I thought it was the marketing dept wanting a bigger billboard.
Harminator says:

Mar 1 2016 at 1:53 am

@RobSandy

What a fantastic lead photo. Instead of all the words we write about looking Fantastic can we just use that picture instead?

And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

(yep, I looked it up).
RobSandy says:

Mar 1 2016 at 2:00 am

@Harminator

And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

(yep, I looked it up).

Thought it must be but doesn't really look like him. He's got the right grimace though.
Oli says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:28 am
Harminator says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:32 am

@Oli

Green & Gold! I love Australia too, Oli but I wear All Black socks.
hudson says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:48 am

question- This is possibly one of the first articles I've read in recent history (the past 3ish years) where Armstrong wasn't referred to as Pharmstrong, COTHO, or some other name. Has he served his suspension in the eyes of the Velominati?
Teocalli says:

Mar 1 2016 at 4:40 am

@hudson

Nope.