Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Buck Rogers says:

Mar 1 2016 at 4:53 am

God DAMN! My day is complete now after viewing this picture.

(suppose I should read the article at some point but not until after a ride inspired by the one and only Tommeke)
fignons barber says:

Mar 1 2016 at 4:55 am

Solid colors for socks. If you must, no more than one stripe. Browsing the DeFeet website and thinking of that zany pink repeating graphic? Don't do it. No one thinks it's funny.
fignons barber says:

Mar 1 2016 at 4:56 am

@Oli

Can we see a full shot of that bike?
hudson says:

Mar 1 2016 at 5:06 am

@Buck Rogers

God DAMN! My day is complete now after viewing this picture.

(suppose I should read the article at some point but not until after a ride inspired by the one and only Tommeke)

I've been thinking that a pair of White Ladies is in order for a while now, but this may have just pushed me over the top.
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 1 2016 at 5:31 am

@hudson

@Buck Rogers

God DAMN! My day is complete now after viewing this picture.

(suppose I should read the article at some point but not until after a ride inspired by the one and only Tommeke)

I’ve been thinking that a pair of White Ladies is in order for a while now, but this may have just pushed me over the top.

My motto is WWTommekeD in almost all things in life: Should I ride or lay about? Ride. How long should my socks be? Perfect length. I have a free weekend: Hookers and blow ... well, maybe not the last one.
EBruner says:

Mar 1 2016 at 5:59 am

@hudson

question- This is possibly one of the first articles I’ve read in recent history (the past 3ish years) where Armstrong wasn’t referred to as Pharmstrong, COTHO, or some other name. Has he served his suspension in the eyes of the Velominati?

He will continue to be a punchline for time immemorial.
EBruner says:

Mar 1 2016 at 6:04 am
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 1 2016 at 6:16 am

@EBruner

LOVE the bike. Is it yours???

As for the lengths: Shorts too long and socks too short, no? Maybe the socks are just cutting it.
EBruner says:

Mar 1 2016 at 6:26 am

@Buck Rogers

@EBruner

LOVE the bike. Is it yours???

As for the lengths: Shorts too long and socks too short, no? Maybe the socks are just cutting it.

Yeah it's mine. I can't say I disagree with about my shorts. I think my socks make the cut by a hair.
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 1 2016 at 6:34 am

@EBruner

@Buck Rogers

@EBruner

LOVE the bike. Is it yours???

As for the lengths: Shorts too long and socks too short, no? Maybe the socks are just cutting it.

Yeah it’s mine. I can’t say I disagree with about my shorts. I think my socks make the cut by a hair.

Holy SHIT!!! That's your bike??? That is fucking awesome! Beautiful!!! I am not a "carbon" guy but that bike could almost sway me into buying one! And the Campag groupo as well! Is that a 2014 SR Groupo?Perfect! What a ride!