Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

harminator says:

Mar 1 2016 at 12:38 pm

@frank

@RobSandy

@Harminator

And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

(yep, I looked it up).

Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

Is this more familiar?

My brother used to tell me that there's a lot of tough looking guys at the pub but very few are tough enough to throw the first punch. The pro peloton has many puncheurs but very few punchers. Hinault was/is both.

I love Phil Anderson's "this was not in the brochure" expression.
litvi says:

Mar 1 2016 at 12:44 pm

@frank

@litvi

You guys comin or what?

I would have thought you’d have been more stylish than to use a windows machine. I literally have no idea whether Velominati even works on a PC.

That's a grab from the slideshow in the article. I did seriously consider cropping all that stuff out, (or at least correcting the clock to 5:05) but I got lazy.

Hill repeats?
RobSandy says:

Mar 1 2016 at 12:51 pm

@frank

@RobSandy

@Harminator

And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

(yep, I looked it up).

Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

Is this more familiar?

Or this?

Or this?

Or this?

Yeah, yeah, ok. It's obviously him, just must be a strange angle on his face.

Perhaps I didn't recognise him because he's not punching someone or blatantly crushing their soul.

I say this a lot, but Hinault is a fucking legend.
Matt says:

Mar 1 2016 at 12:51 pm

Has anyone else noticed the common theme between the current World Champs? I'm not talking about black shorts.

Deep drops, baby.
litvi says:

Mar 1 2016 at 1:02 pm

@litvi

@frank

@litvi

You guys comin or what?

I would have thought you’d have been more stylish than to use a windows machine. I literally have no idea whether Velominati even works on a PC.

This is my rig. Feel better now, @frank?
Oli says:

Mar 1 2016 at 1:03 pm

@Harminator

They're actually yellow and blue irl!

@fignons barber

I don't wear them because I think they're funny wtf. But even though I wear them (including the zany pink repeating pattern) for my own "style" reasons I agree in principle.

@The Pressure

Again, definitely NOT Aussie colours!

@frank

FMB tubulars on my daily ride? Do I fucking LOOK like a millionaire? Clinchers ftw on this bike, fo sho.
Oli says:

Mar 1 2016 at 1:07 pm

@fignons barber I don't need much excuse at all for that, haha! Please note the photo was taken when I was completely buckled so I had temporarily forgot such important protocols as chain on big ring, crank placement, valve location, etc., etc...
wiscot says:

Mar 1 2016 at 1:46 pm

@harminator

@frank

@RobSandy

@Harminator

And can someone tell me who the very first picture in the slideshow is? It’s driving me nuts.

Its Hinault. TDF Prologue 1981. Stud.

(yep, I looked it up).

Thought it must be but doesn’t really look like him. He’s got the right grimace though.

Doesn’t look like Hinault? Rubbish.

Is this more familiar?

My brother used to tell me that there’s a lot of tough looking guys at the pub but very few are tough enough to throw the first punch. The pro peloton has many puncheurs but very few punchers. Hinault was/is both.

I love Phil Anderson’s “this was not in the brochure” expression.

Phil's "punch" would knock the shin off a rice pudding. Hinault's, on the other hand, would break the container holding said rice pudding to smithereens. Notice how the Badger had a hold of his victim with the left hand while readying the haymaker.

One also had to admire M. Hinault's torso: trim waist and nice, solid rib cage containing the lungs and a heart of a legend.
wiscot says:

Mar 1 2016 at 1:47 pm

@wiscot

Sorry: would NOT knock the skin off a rice pudding.
chris says:

Mar 1 2016 at 2:57 pm

I'm struggling with bib placement at the moment, there's no inverted V being created by any quadriceps in my sausage legs. In my defence, I'd say my socks are usually pretty much spot on. That could be at risk unless @frank gets some more of the awesome defeet V-socks back on the gear page.

In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS