Categories: Accessories and GearLa Vie VelominatusLook ProRantings from the V-Bunker

Goldilocks Principle: The Golden Ratio

The Goldilocks Principle in full effect.

There is a disturbance in the V. I have felt it for some time, and I suspect many of you have as well. The matter has to do with the ever increasing length of bibshorts and socks, approaching the knee like two lionesses stalking their prey in the savanna.

Tracing back to the origin of this trend, we find ourselves irrevocably wagging our judging finger at none other than Lance Armstrong. Personally, I find his foray into tall, black socks and long bibshorts far more offensive than his doping; at least his doping respected the history of the sport whereas his choice of sock and bib length was an affront to taste and style with long lasting effect.

Sock lengths have been heading steadily upwards over the past decade; once the only sock available was a white 3/4 sock but today we have socks of all lengths, shapes, and sizes. Bibshorts used to be mid-thigh or less, whereas now they fall just shy of the knee. It is outrageous and the Pros, to whom we look to for cues on style, are setting the trend. It is a disgrace.

I say enough is enough. This foul trend must come to an end. We cultivate our massive guns with great pride, yet these cover their magnificence with long shorts and socks.

Reveal the V in order to Feel the V. Bibshorts must not migrate below the uppermost point of the inverted V created by our quadriceps.
Avoid the chokehold. As much as we want to Reveal The V, we don’t want to go around choking the flow off by wearing our bibs too high. Bibshorts should come at least to the midpoint of the thigh.
Sockless is about as bad as riding in a speedo (I’m looking at you, triathletes.) A fellow joined a group ride not too long ago wearing ankle socks and I made him go sort that shit out before we started the ride. Some things just aren’t done.
Compression socks are for recovery only. Maybe not even that. And knee-high socks or only for sassy women Cyclocrossers. Maybe. But they absolutely, unequivocally are not for riding on the road. Seriously.
Settle into Zone 3. Just like training in zones, we want to keep our socks in the right zones as well. The optimum sock length rests at a point of your choosing within a range of 2cm above or below the narrowest point of your shin.

Help stave off the apocalypse and bring balance back to the V. Friends don’t let friends violation the Goldilocks Principle.

Sock length as decreed by our friend @winnipegcyclechick

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Owen says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:40 pm

@Oli

Bonus points for matching shoes and socks. A natural extension of Rule #8, I feel.
Owen says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:41 pm

@chuckp

Quite frankly, Lizzie can wear whatever the hell she wants to wear and she would still look fabulous!

For me, the “perfect” sock height is 5 inches but I do have a few 6 inch socks. And I’m one who goes against the V and incurs the wrath of @frank because I prefer “loud” socks over plain black or white (although I have those too). I kinda like “clashing” and making a “statement” with my socks. And honestly don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks about it.

Rule #28. I have some loud socks. Some of them even match with kits. Frank can go pound sand if he doesn't like it.
wiscot says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:44 pm

@chris

I’m struggling with bib placement at the moment, there’s no inverted V being created by any quadriceps in my sausage legs. In my defence, I’d say my socks are usually pretty much spot on. That could be at risk unless @frank gets some more of the awesome DeFeet V-socks back on the gear page.

In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

It also says "I'm way ahead of you luddites with my sweet Look pedals and my blue Patrick shoes. Black shoes are so old school. Get with it FFS!"

That being said, there are a lot of iconic jerseys in that picture: Skil, Peugeot, Renault, Kwantum and Verandalux.
frank says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:44 pm

@wiscot

Looks better in the photos than it does on TV.
frank says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:54 pm

@chris

In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

I got rid of your drivel and focussed on what matters!
frank says:

Mar 1 2016 at 3:55 pm

@Owen

@Oli

Bonus points for matching shoes and socks. A natural extension of Rule #8, I feel.

The formula is just as complex; match them to the shoes or match them to another bit of your kit. White socks are for leaders, and otherwise match them to black.
chris says:

Mar 1 2016 at 4:08 pm

@frank

@chris

In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

I got rid of your drivel and focussed on what matters!

In what sense is a request for more V-socks drivel?
chris says:

Mar 1 2016 at 4:10 pm

@wiscot

@chris

I’m struggling with bib placement at the moment, there’s no inverted V being created by any quadriceps in my sausage legs. In my defence, I’d say my socks are usually pretty much spot on. That could be at risk unless @frank gets some more of the awesome DeFeet V-socks back on the gear page.

In the meantime, more classic Badger courtesy of Big Ring Riding

OK LADS, I READ THE NEWS AND THE MAIN STORY IS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING SLOW AND I’M THE BOSS

It also says “I’m way ahead of you luddites with my sweet Look pedals and my blue Patrick shoes. Black shoes are so old school. Get with it FFS!”

That being said, there are a lot of iconic jerseys in that picture: Skil, Peugeot, Renault, Kwantum and Verandalux.

Meanwhile the lad on the right is of into the woods to cry as he's just realised he'll never cut it...
frank says:

Mar 1 2016 at 4:36 pm

@chris

I was referring to all that other rubbish.
The Pressure says:

Mar 1 2016 at 5:01 pm

@Oli

Sorry, mate. Thought the stripes were green...then they're just bad!