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The First Step

Every path has a beginning...

I’ve spent my adult life believing that Mario Cippolini was the first rider to soil the Rainbow Jersey with matching bibshorts. Granted, Super Mario could pull off even the worst soilings with the most possible class, but nevertheless it kicked off a trend of matching bib shorts to jerseys – which is something I cannot abide unless they match because they are both Spinal Tap Black. (Interesting bit of trivia: the UCI fined Super Mario for riding in yellow bib shorts when he wore the Maillot Jaune for the first time in the late 90’s; the UCI recently threatened to fine a Tour leader for wearing team-issue shorts instead of yellow ones provided by the organization. True story, unless I made that up in a convincing dream which now feels like a real memory.)

Like all true stories, this Lion King kit pioneering tale also turned out not to be true. Moreno Argentin makes a liar out of me by wearing a pair of shorts in 1987 that not only shows what I believe was the first step towards over-matched unitards, but also demonstrates the most significant best reasons why the 80’s were an awkward time for kit design:

In 1987, the branding of Cycling clothes had barely evolved beyond needle and thread and had only semi-convincingly achieved the feat of screening the word “LOOK” onto Bernard Hinault’s shorts in ’85.
Garment construction and fabric-printing technology meant that only one panel of lycra could accept a graphic transfer without compromising the structural integrity of the bibs; more than that would make drafting dangerous through inattentiveness induced by crackal exposure.
Gradients look great in mockups but do not translate onto fabrics. Not in the eighties, not in the 90’s, not in the 00’s, and not in the 10’s. Tie Dye is the maximum result achievable.
There was a strange obsession with fluoro which which is a challenging spectrum to work with and which seems to be making a re-emergence today for unexplained reasons.
This bullet was supposed to be the kicker, but I lost my train of thought because that black-chrome Bianchi with both shifters in GO MODE is so badass looking.

This picture of Argentin brings into sharp focus our inherent desire to have every bit of clothing match every other bit of clothing in some sort of couture infinite loop. Every advancement in technology is probed to explore the limits to which it can help us achieve this. ADR, Super U, Carrera, and RMO are just a few examples of designs from the eighties that stood the test of time, but there have been some significant missteps as the sport explored the possibilities of newfound graphical technology.

It wasn’t that Mario was the first rider to come up with the idea to overmatch his kit; he was just the first one to have the nerve to wear the resulting abomination outside his dressing room.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

JMac says:

Jan 8 2015 at 2:17 pm

Re Bullet 5, not to quibble, but wouldn't full-on "GO MODE" (i.e., Big Ring, Small Cog) require the right shifter to be parallel to the downtube?
gilly says:

Jan 8 2015 at 3:04 pm

Stunning shot of the new World Champion respecting both the jersey and the traditions of the sport. I've got a lot of time for MK. The rainbow has been subtly applied to the frame too. Classy rider on a classy bike. Anything other than black shorts just dilutes the jerseys impact for me.
gilly says:

Jan 8 2015 at 3:12 pm

Case in point! Arm and knee warmers not helping either
gilly says:

Jan 8 2015 at 3:17 pm

@VeloJello

@chuckp

There's always this ...

I can only say I had never had a man crush until I met Cippo. He can wear what he likes. Though the topless cycling he gets up to now a days is a bit much... One smooth mother fudger.

I loved Cipo but fuck me fellas, let's be serious, even he looks a complete tool in this kit
gilly says:

Jan 8 2015 at 3:45 pm

@frank. Was the shot of Hinault with Moser from Trofeo Barachi? I know they teamed up one year and killed it. What a 2 up TT combo and I would love to see this format resurrected. Let's hear your dream teams... Kwiatowski and Faboo over 50km for starters
gilly says:

Jan 8 2015 at 3:55 pm

... In the one over 30 one under 30 category
Mikael Liddy says:

Jan 8 2015 at 5:09 pm

@Fred

@frank

Regarding bullet #V:

Only one lever is in the "go" position, the other is in the "cross chaining be damned, I will not use the little ring" position... A sentiment often demonstrated by our esteemed leader.

You need to ride your old bikes more often before you forget how to shift...

hehehe, that last line is gold!
antihero says:

Jan 8 2015 at 5:13 pm

@Gianni

@sowtondevil

I ride a custom-built cro-mo steel steed enamelled in flamboyant Cobalt Blue, with matching blue bar tape, and blue tyres. I wear an Assos jersey and bib-tights both in a matching shade of blue, blue socks, and blue helmet. The overall effect is, frankly, ridiculous and prompts remarks from the bunch - not all of them complimentary. However, I maintain that if I look co-ordinated then I might feel and hence ride in a more co-ordinated fashion i.e. man and machine as one. This is increasingly more important now at my tender age of 66.

I have now disposed of the blue plastic tyre levers however - as I was spotted using them when I punctured recently. This prompted howls of derision from the passing pack and cost me dear at the end-of-ride re-hydration haven.

Jesus man, don't weaken now. Double down on blue, add blue gatorade to your bottles. This concept of looking good on the bike makes you feel good on the bike; it's the whole Velominati raison d'etre. Good on ya.

Seconded. No fooling around, full gas. Go for it.
frank says:

Jan 8 2015 at 5:15 pm

@JMac

Re Bullet 5, not to quibble, but wouldn't full-on "GO MODE" (i.e., Big Ring, Small Cog) require the right shifter to be parallel to the downtube?

That may be but those shifters are in the Millenium Falcum's hyperspace lever positions and that's good enough for me.
antihero says:

Jan 8 2015 at 5:17 pm

@JMac

Re Bullet 5, not to quibble, but wouldn't full-on "GO MODE" (i.e., Big Ring, Small Cog) require the right shifter to be parallel to the downtube?

Given the time period and position of the levers, he's probably rocking 94 gear-inches or so, say a 53x15. Depending on the terrain, spinning that counts as go-mode in my book.