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The First Step

Every path has a beginning...

I’ve spent my adult life believing that Mario Cippolini was the first rider to soil the Rainbow Jersey with matching bibshorts. Granted, Super Mario could pull off even the worst soilings with the most possible class, but nevertheless it kicked off a trend of matching bib shorts to jerseys – which is something I cannot abide unless they match because they are both Spinal Tap Black. (Interesting bit of trivia: the UCI fined Super Mario for riding in yellow bib shorts when he wore the Maillot Jaune for the first time in the late 90’s; the UCI recently threatened to fine a Tour leader for wearing team-issue shorts instead of yellow ones provided by the organization. True story, unless I made that up in a convincing dream which now feels like a real memory.)

Like all true stories, this Lion King kit pioneering tale also turned out not to be true. Moreno Argentin makes a liar out of me by wearing a pair of shorts in 1987 that not only shows what I believe was the first step towards over-matched unitards, but also demonstrates the most significant best reasons why the 80’s were an awkward time for kit design:

In 1987, the branding of Cycling clothes had barely evolved beyond needle and thread and had only semi-convincingly achieved the feat of screening the word “LOOK” onto Bernard Hinault’s shorts in ’85.
Garment construction and fabric-printing technology meant that only one panel of lycra could accept a graphic transfer without compromising the structural integrity of the bibs; more than that would make drafting dangerous through inattentiveness induced by crackal exposure.
Gradients look great in mockups but do not translate onto fabrics. Not in the eighties, not in the 90’s, not in the 00’s, and not in the 10’s. Tie Dye is the maximum result achievable.
There was a strange obsession with fluoro which which is a challenging spectrum to work with and which seems to be making a re-emergence today for unexplained reasons.
This bullet was supposed to be the kicker, but I lost my train of thought because that black-chrome Bianchi with both shifters in GO MODE is so badass looking.

This picture of Argentin brings into sharp focus our inherent desire to have every bit of clothing match every other bit of clothing in some sort of couture infinite loop. Every advancement in technology is probed to explore the limits to which it can help us achieve this. ADR, Super U, Carrera, and RMO are just a few examples of designs from the eighties that stood the test of time, but there have been some significant missteps as the sport explored the possibilities of newfound graphical technology.

It wasn’t that Mario was the first rider to come up with the idea to overmatch his kit; he was just the first one to have the nerve to wear the resulting abomination outside his dressing room.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

HigherGround says:

Jan 10 2015 at 9:28 pm

Personally, I wouldn't think of telling any pro, let alone a current World Champion, how to do his job or how to look fantastic. I'm sure you recall the photo of a young pro on Sky (Dombrowski maybe?) who had a full length frame pump awkwardly strapped under the arching top tube of his Pinarello. Hideous? Yes, absolutely. Would I say anything to him if I had the chance? Nope, because my tongue would be flapping in my front wheel's spokes just trying to hold his wheel on the flats, never mind the hills. If anyone else wants to, more power to them, but that's not my place.
frank says:

Jan 11 2015 at 2:56 pm

@HigherGround

That's the benefit of being Dutch; I am perfectly happy to tell anyone anywhere what I think of any subject whatsoever.

Extra points if I don't know what I'm talking about.
frank says:

Jan 11 2015 at 2:58 pm

@The Grande Fondue

We need more pics of World Champions on Bianchis.

Shorts not black, but I always like the Gatorade kit. Not sure about his shoes though.

The chrome stays on the Colnago are nice.

Bugno was the man, such a stylish stud. The shorts are black with panels, perfectly classy approach. And they are team-issue. Also recall his green-iridium sunglasses.

Those diadoras were the cat's cock, too.
Mikael Liddy says:

Jan 11 2015 at 3:38 pm

@wilburrox

@gilly

@wilburrox

Fair comments @wilburrox, my view of Specialized was really soured by the CafÃ© Roubaix affair that featured on this site. I don't deny that they make some good looking bikes, I just wouldn't personally want to give them my hard earned for one

I'm with ya 100% on this one (except I still buy the bikes, so say 99%) and if Mr. Sinyard did not fire an attorney or a firm over this affair then he really missed the boat. This was epic fail moment so to speak only somewhat salvaged with an apology. Gotta keep a leash on the attorneys. Ya ultimately need 'em regret. That's just capitalism for better or worse. Someone needs to help sort out what's right and wrong, set precedent and the rules. But ya have to keep them from getting carried away 'cause they most assuredly will if left w/o oversight generating billable hours.

Sinyard made all the right noises in his video with Dan (although his body language looked like he'd rather have been getting a prostate exam from Edward Scissorhands), but those words looked rather empty when news of this broke not much later...
Glenn A Olah says:

Jan 11 2015 at 7:33 pm

Hello Frank,

Hello from Albuquerque New Mexico, USA. I could easily find any post regarding Velominati Rules. Just a suggestion - Rule #9, ride in harsh weather condition defining one as a "Bad Ass". I noted the vernacular in Albuquerque, "Bad Asses" are "Beast". Sure do like "Beast", may improve the qualifier for bikers to love the extreme weather challenge, perhaps "Bad Ass Beast!".

Just a suggestion,

Glenn O.
RobSandy says:

Jan 12 2015 at 9:40 am

@frank

@HigherGround

That's the benefit of being Dutch; I am perfectly happy to tell anyone anywhere what I think of any subject whatsoever.

Extra points if I don't know what I'm talking about.

We have a saying in our office (prefixing saying something of the nature you describe above):

"It is my opinion and therefore a fact..."

You might like to try that one out sometime.
Barracuda says:

Jan 13 2015 at 9:14 pm

Looks like Mario wont be soiling our shores like he did the WC kit either

http://www.tourdownunder.com.au/news/2015/jan/14/the-lion-king-to-no-longer-roar-into-adelaide