The Tightness of Being

Sprezzatura. Leave it to the Italians to dedicate a word to trying to Look Fantastic without looking like you’re trying too hard. I’ve haven’t spent much time in Italy, but I automatically love a country where an entire nation holds aesthetics in the same high regard that I do. Not to mention their dedication to drinking espresso and wine. A bottle of wine at lunch? I can work with these people.

Sprezzatura for the Velominatus applies to every aspect of the sport; how we set up our bikes, our style and technique when riding, and how we select and wear our kit. Looking good in the summer isn’t very complicated; any fool can look good in short-sleeved kit adorned with tanned guns. Where things start getting tricky is when the cold and wet sets in and we need to add more kit to the equation. How does one control the chaos as leg warmers, long-sleeve jerseys, caps, gloves, rain jackets and overshoes are added to the mix?

The basic concepts have already been covered under the principles of wearing one’s Flandrian Best; always wear as little as possible, never wear an accoutrement below when a complimentary set is not worn above (i.e. no knee warmers without arm warmers), and never – under any circumstances – wear full-length leggings.

Which brings us to today’s lesson: how to wear full-length leggings and still look as Fantastic as possible. Sometimes it is simply too cold for three-quarters and there is no denying the Pro-ness of casually wandering about sipping a pre-ride espresso in sandals, full length leg warmers, and a long sleeve jersey – especially on a warm summer day. Sprezzatura is an art, and it should not be taken lightly.

The fundamental problem with leggings is that they make the guns amorphous; lots of fabric without any points of definition give the eyes nothing to focus on. If you have amazing calves (which I don’t) then you may be able to break up the monotony with your bodacious leg curves, but the rest of us are going to need some help.

  • Always go with leg warmers and not one-piece tights. The reason for this is simple: the legs of your shorts will provide the first visual delineation for the eyes to grab ahold of.
  • The leggings should also always have an elastic gripper around the ankle, not a stirrup. This is Cycling, not ballet. Better yet, the ankles should have a short zipper to ease pre-departure removal of said leggings and also to provide a little more delineation.
  • When it comes to materials, the more matte the better. In fact, I prefer wool. Thick materials are also handy, as they add some bulk and make the guns look less spindly. All good things.
  • Look for some leggings with good, thick seams. Again, this makes wool a strong candidate. Align the seams carefully to accentuate whatever curves your leggs can muster up, and make sure both legs are symmetrical. We are not savages.
  • Wear a contrasting color sock. White is preferable, of course, as demonstrated by Diego above but any color works so long as its not the same as the legging (which should obviously be black).
frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @minion

    @minion

    @frank

    @PT

    Disgraceful.

    Aaaaaaand he won so suck it/

    Aaaaaaand he won wearing those tights over the line. So suck it twice.

    Aaaaaaand if you think you can ride and never wear full length tights you don’t live somewhere that cold. I’ve started rides at -7c and finished them at -5c. If you want to ride in that shit in knee warmers go right ahead. But you’d be an idiot.

    More or less my thoughts. I had the water in my bidon turn to slush last week. No way I'm doing a ride like that in knickers.

  • @KW

    @PT

    @minion

    Winning does not make it right.  See Armstrong, L.

    Also, that gallery was from E3, not G-W.

    Mea culpa. Just saw the photos from G-W. Ugh.

  • @frank

    @MangoDave

    @ChrisO

    I grew up mainly with metric and have trouble working out what’s hot or not on the Fahrenheit scale but… I do get why people like it.

    In everyday usage Celsius is only good in a narrow range. Zero to 40. After that… I don’t care what temperature the water for my tea is, I just need to know whether it’s boiling or not.

    If I understood it I think I would probably be happy to go retro on the temperature, just as I still do on height with feet and inches. Although I’m fine with km and km/h, despite being old enough to remember changing over from miles.

    I’ll adhere to Rule #24 in discussions, but it’s only after doing a mental conversion.  I have no plans on changing the units to km on my cyclocomputers, mainly because I have almost 25 years of hand written training logs all in imperial measurements and I’m going to be consistent.

    Nice demonstration of the Masturbation Principle. Apart from the admission, obviously.

    Busted!  Though, to me it seems like a pretty tame admission.  It's not like I'm using an EMPS, FFS!

  • @MangoDave

    Busted!  Though, to me it seems like a pretty tame admission.  It’s not like I’m using an EMPS, FFS!

    Keepers with EPMSs, classics winners sporting full beards and warmers pinned over bib shorts...

  • @Joe

    The easiest part in removing legwarmers on the move is pulling them out from under the bibs. If you're pro enough to unclip a leg and remove the warmers without stopping, you're pro enough to wiggle them out from under a bib's gripper.

  • @PT

    @minion

    Winning does not make it right.  See Armstrong, L.

    Winning may not make it right, but it's easier to swallow, for a while at least.

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