This article started off as a Reverence for the Camelbak Podium, and might still be, who knows, it’s late and my mind is scrambled. As often happens when searching for a suitable image for an article, tangents often appear from nowhere and derail the original train of thought. Soon one finds oneself careening out of control towards the only bend in the track where it just so happens the only town within 2000km that has a massive nuclear reactor/fuel refinery is situated adjacent to said bend. (Sorry about that, I was unfortunate enough to witness the worst movie ever recently and it’s really messed with my head. There’s those tangents again. Spoiler: the train really is stoppable, which I deduced by, oh, the synopsis in the tv guide.)
Anyway, bidons. The one piece of cycling equipment that is the most essential besides the actual bike. The one thing that should never be left at home. The saviour, the giver of life, the fuel tank for the engine for the chassis. Just go out for even less than an hour of riding sans bidon, and you’ll be crying like a baby does for bitty.
There’s been much talk about the humble bidon around here already, so in a way this seems even pointless to say. But say it I will: Camelbak Podiums are the duck’s guts. It doesn’t even matter why, just use one and you’ll know. I’ve lost count how many I own, have owned, lost, or finally thrown out when the black, hairy growth is no longer able to be controlled. A dilemna that Pro teams rarely face, as most of their bidons get supped from once, before jetison to the roadside and into the clutches of baying souvenir hunters (or the front yard of a bemused, elderly Italian lady).
The job of the waterboy is probably the most denigrating for a Pro, even if many domestiques are resigned to the fact that it goes with the territory; there’ll still be a pecking order among them and the neo-Pro will be unmercifully sent back to the cars to load up with as many bottles as they have pockets or orifices to stash them. Or maybe the indignity just feels like there’s a bidon or two where the sun don’t shine.
Imagine wearing the Maillot Jaune, the biggest moment of a career spent working for others, a career with very little in the way of wins or the world’s attention, and being told to “go get us some water, will ya?” while every camera in France is trained upon you. It has happened. Or you are a National Champion, or World Champion? Is this the ultimate disrespect to not only the rider, but the jerseys themselves?
Water giveth life, then cruelly and coldly snatches it right out from under you, for all to see. Cycling has class structure, just like life, and the waterboy is decidedly stuck on the bottom wrung of the social ladder, no matter even if they are dressed up in their best for the day.
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@Puffy
Thankfully this photo is taken at an angle where we are spared seeing the stems on these bikes. Given the height of the bars relative to the headtubes, the damn stems must be damn near vertical.
@wiscot
Not to mention that their choice of gearing is so out of whack they couldn't possibly need hydration.
@Chris, @wiscot, @Puffy, @HMBSteve
I was going to quote the photo but there are so many violations of The Rules in that I feel it would be wrong to force anyone around here to see it anymore than they have to.
With the wookie factor 7 legs, sock length, eyewear arms under the straps, the EPMS, about the only thing they got right is Rule #14. Oh sweetmercifulcrap! I just noticed they're not even in the big ring.
That photo is almost art. The more you stare at it, the more awfulness you see. I love "digger" on the blue P-rello unleashing a hammer session in full 34/21 gearing....downhill.
It also makes you wonder, if the bars are higher than the saddle, is it still called "saddle to bar drop" and expressed in negative numbers, or do you refer to said position as "bar to saddle drop".
And by the way, I believe the rider on the left is a woman, so the shorter shorts can be excused.
As I said...art.
@Chris No, not when water sources include iodine tablets and streams of questionable source.
@RedRanger True enough, though I will use one with the topo map and route overlay to keep from taking a random logging trail into oblivion. It is a serious problem and people routinely die in the mountains.
In both cases, Graveurs do provide an exemption to both Rules; still we must strive to Look Fantastic and indeed I did, but The Rules don't apply as they would on the road for gravel just as they don't for CX and MTB.
Personally, I've been trying to decide between the purist and camelbak bidon for about three years in terms of which we choose to make the vidon. I'm stumped. They are both amazing.
Bidon straws and bidon jackets.....