Categories: Accessories and GearRiding Ugly

There Ought to be a Rule…

Keep this on the massage table

We all know where I stand in the cycling sock department, white and not too tall, any color sock as long as it’s white. If you have diminished calves and need to somehow hide that by wearing too tall socks, that is sad but not a crime. I always thought I was less flexible on color than height. Today I’ve changed my mind.

I was in the car when I saw a cyclist in a long sleeve, all white Rock Racing kit. Rock Racing, interesting choice, not a team I would want make believe I rode for but it was tidy. This was matched with a white helmet and white shoes and for an elitist snob like myself it was all fine. It would have been all fine barring the white knee length compression stockings! I don’t even know what compression stockings are or what they supposedly do but for his sake they had better not be just white knee length cycling socks. He had better have a severe medical condition to justify that look.

Doctor: You have a condition known as “Catholic School Girl”. If you don’t wear white knee socks your legs will fall off or you will become wildly promiscuous, but in your case most likely the first.

How can one misstep so quickly change everything? I’ve seen other cyclist in high compression socks but matching them to an all white kit is somehow saying, yes, I still have it going on here, I look Pro. FFS, I now regret not turning the car around so I could have pulled along side and asked what he thought he was doing. Or at least taken a photo for this article. Or issued a V-ticket for visual effrontery. Or nudged him off the road into a ditch.

There ought to be a Rule! Rule #28 needs an addendum with this compression thing out there. Eddy had no idea this was coming. If the Velominati are to keep ahead of these trends we better get on this now, before it is too late.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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Chris says:

Mar 11 2015 at 4:02 pm

@DeKerr

In the dark confines of one’s own home they possibly have their place as a recovery tool but should otherwise never see the light of day… much like having to mess up your internal clock twice a year.

Isn't that what foam rollers are for.

@Puffy

I do wear the knee length variety AFTER a particularly hard ride and ONLY under my work slacks due to the fact I sit on my arse at a desk all day. No one can see them and no one knows they are there.

It doesn't matter that no one can tell that I'm wearing panty hose under my suit trousers at the moment, it doesn't make me feel any less dirty.

Compression socks are no different. La Vie Velominatus is about pride in ones self that goes beyond mundane notions like "medically proven by the Australian Institute of Sport"
Dave says:

Mar 11 2015 at 4:16 pm

Gianni,

That's about the funniest four paragraphs I have read in like forever, especially this:

"Doctor- You have a condition known as catholic school girl. If you don’t wear white knee socks your legs will fall off or you will become wildly promiscuous, but in your case most likely the first."
Puffy says:

Mar 11 2015 at 4:46 pm

@Chris

True... No one can see my dirty little secret but that doesn't make it any less of a dirty little secret.

I am, justifiably rebuked, and penitent.
Mike says:

Mar 11 2015 at 5:30 pm

@JohnB

I would agree with you. I'm just establishing the parameters ...
SamV says:

Mar 11 2015 at 5:51 pm

Well, that was entertaining. I've had a longstanding neurosis about the visibility of my socks above my shoes of any variety while wearing shorts. Even ankle socks are too much for me, despite have nice calves (if I do say so myself). Which is wrong here, I know, but whatever.

A question though comes to mind, as to leg coverings; Which would be more egregious: compression socks or unshorn legs? Let's not entertain the combination thereof, because that would be too obvious.
Gianni says:

Mar 11 2015 at 6:47 pm

@SamV

Even ankle socks are too much for me, despite have nice calves (if I do say so myself). Which is wrong here, I know, but whatever.

Go ahead, put up a photo, make my day.
Gianni says:

Mar 11 2015 at 6:49 pm

@Dave

Gianni,

That’s about the funniest four paragraphs I have read in like forever, especially this:

“Doctor- You have a condition known as catholic school girl. If you don’t wear white knee socks your legs will fall off or you will become wildly promiscuous, but in your case most likely the first.”

Thank you, am I the only one who has a long history with catholic girls, (from Ohio?!), no less?
Gianni says:

Mar 11 2015 at 6:51 pm

@Ccos

@Nate

Yes, we can't help everyone. What is the DSM-5. It sounds familiar.
frank says:

Mar 11 2015 at 7:26 pm

@Nate

Anyone who needs a rule to tell them to not visibly wear compression socks in public is beyond our help.

Fits in there right alongside reflectors, dork discs, and kickstands.
frank says:

Mar 11 2015 at 7:28 pm

@Puffy

Medically designed, professionally fitted compression socks do aid in recovery as shown but the Aus Inst of Sport a while back. I have no idea why one would wear them whilst riding however… If you need socks to improve circulation when riding you aren’t riding hard enough! I do wear the knee length variety AFTER a particularly hard ride and ONLY under my work slacks due to the fact I sit on my arse at a desk all day. No one can see them and no one knows they are there.

I'm wearing some right now after fucking myself on the ride home from work. Under my jeans.

And I don't think they do anything other than raise my blood pressure while trying to get the tight little fuckers on.