Keep this on the massage table
We all know where I stand in the cycling sock department, white and not too tall, any color sock as long as it’s white. If you have diminished calves and need to somehow hide that by wearing too tall socks, that is sad but not a crime. I always thought I was less flexible on color than height. Today I’ve changed my mind.
I was in the car when I saw a cyclist in a long sleeve, all white Rock Racing kit. Rock Racing, interesting choice, not a team I would want make believe I rode for but it was tidy. This was matched with a white helmet and white shoes and for an elitist snob like myself it was all fine. It would have been all fine barring the white knee length compression stockings! I don’t even know what compression stockings are or what they supposedly do but for his sake they had better not be just white knee length cycling socks. He had better have a severe medical condition to justify that look.
Doctor: You have a condition known as “Catholic School Girl”. If you don’t wear white knee socks your legs will fall off or you will become wildly promiscuous, but in your case most likely the first.
How can one misstep so quickly change everything? I’ve seen other cyclist in high compression socks but matching them to an all white kit is somehow saying, yes, I still have it going on here, I look Pro. FFS, I now regret not turning the car around so I could have pulled along side and asked what he thought he was doing. Or at least taken a photo for this article. Or issued a V-ticket for visual effrontery. Or nudged him off the road into a ditch.
There ought to be a Rule! Rule #28 needs an addendum with this compression thing out there. Eddy had no idea this was coming. If the Velominati are to keep ahead of these trends we better get on this now, before it is too late.
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@wilburrox
Name one drug that has been proven to lead to longer, healthier life. But I agree that people who believe in doping will be doping, however they choose to justify it.
@Apex Nadir
Alcohol - at least it makes me feel like I'm living a longer healthier life. I never saw the point in dying healthy, ideally I'll time it right so I've borrowed the last fiver I could ever get, buy the last drink and down it just as the last liver and brain cell die.
@markb
@Apex Nadir
Best example: antibiotics. Saved millions of lives, still does.
If you want to know about the future, read this http://cgd.swissre.com/global_dialogue/topics/Human_enhancement/Gene_doping_internet_and_polycontexturality_Elite_sports_of_the_next_society.html
I love seeing out-of-shape folks out for a ten minute jog all geared up - compression socks, tool belt with drinks and gels, arm sleeves, on and on. Who'd have ever thought you could sell a jogger something beyond a nice pair of socks and some good sneakers?
And aside from the lack of effort during the entire regular season, what the fuck is going on in the NBA with dudes wearing full pajamas under their uniforms? Larry Bird would have kicked some serious ass if one of his teammates tried that nonsense. Short shorts and a jockstrap was all he needed to win.
*A sad victim of skankles, inherited from my mother. I got my father's upper legs (very respectable) but my mother's little chicken legs on the bottom half. Mid-length socks are employed to try and hide the shame. The one nice thing about breaking my leg during college sports was a thicker right shin bone.
@Ron
You got that right. What's with all the compression gear? Just when you thought they couldn't look any more ridiculous with the baggy shorts, along comes the arm warmers and leg warmers. Why don't they just wear a fuckin onesie and be done with it? Spot on with Larry B, although he did try and grow a mustache which his teammates must have found hilarious.
@Teocalli
I think that would be a nice way to end your last ride. Do bikes go to heaven too ? Don't wear too long socks or they'll send you away from heavens gates.
@MangoDave
@Gianni
Too funny. My wife is a catholic school girl from Ohio...so, yeah, I'm right there with you.
@Cycle72
You got that right. I know for a fact that Frank sent St. Peter a copy of The Rules. Want to get into heaven where it's always 72 degrees and the wind at your back and you never puncture or crash? Follow The Rules. Want to go south and spend eternity riding with triathletes into a headwind and puncturing and stopping frequently to adjust poorly maintained bikes? Don't follow the rules. Your choice.