Categories: Accessories and GearRantings from the V-Bunker

To Bidon Or Not To Bidon

This is a gordon, not a bidon.

This is serious, people. I hope you’re sitting down. Really. Sit down. Not a half sit. A real sit. Both cheeks. If you’re reading this on your phone, put the phone away and wait until you are sitting behind a computer like a civilized person.

Ready? Deep breath.

I have it on the excellent authority of my French friend Anne that that this is what a bidon looks like, not this.

I told you to sit down. My initial reaction was one of defiance and disbelief. I even suggested that I understood Le Langue du Peloton better than she does. In her infinite grace and my infinite obtuseness and ever-increasing volume, she almost conceded this as a possible explanation to this ground-rattling revelation.

There is something seriously fishy going on in this here petri dishy if what we as a collective of Cyclists – even those in France – have referred to as bidons are actually giant plastic jugs that are more commonly strapped to backs of Jeeps and motos than bicycles. Maybe we would take a bidon in the car to the start of a big ride, to fill up what we should probably be calling une gourde. Madness.

Cornered, I sought the advice of my good friend William, who represents one half of both Pavé Cycling Classics and Malteni Beer. He replied with his usual delicacy and the natural charm that I assume made him a good sprinter:

Tell her to fuck off. Was she born in the 50’s? For fuck’s sake. We haven’t called them gourdes since before the war when they were metal and were stopped up with corks. For fuck’s sake.

The only conclusion I can come to is that when the plastic bottle was introduced, some bright spark called it a bidon half as a pisstake and half as a way to distinguish this novelty from the traditional bar-mounted bottle. And we’ve been confusing the non-Cycling French population ever since.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

chuckp says:

Jan 21 2016 at 4:49 pm

Someone posted on FB. These are bidons.
piwakawaka says:

Jan 21 2016 at 10:07 pm

@Mikael Liddy

thanks for the link but leave my baby behind? Crazy talk!
Buck Rogers says:

Jan 22 2016 at 4:41 am

@LawnCzar

@frank

@LawnCzar

I like that “bidon” effectively means, “jerry can.” You wage war on the mountains, attack the roads… May as well equip yourself appropriately.

I enjoy joy using terms like bidon, casquette, and gillet, but usually avoid the them unless I know the person I’m speaking with will understand me. If they do, we get to enjoy saying them together. If they don’t, I’d just confuse them. Words are better used as markers of affinity than of exclusion in my experience.

I love all of this. Spot on.

Hey, cheers.

I do use the words as a litmus test to see whether someone understands; I don’t wait to find out if they understand before using them. If they are confused, I explain myself and depending on the level of confusion, I will either then continue using the word assuming they now understand it, or will stop.

That’s a fair point — there are times when a moment of incomprehension is replaced with a deeper understanding.

While people are posting photos of tea cups, here’s a little number in “fine bone china” that I got for Christmas. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me smile each morning.

Oh MAN! I needs me one of those mugs and that AMAZING Le Blaireau print on the wall. Where the HELL did you get that???
LawnCzar says:

Jan 22 2016 at 8:27 am

@Buck Rogers

@frank

While people are posting photos of tea cups, here’s a little number in “fine bone china” that I got for Christmas. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me smile each morning.

Oh MAN! I needs me one of those mugs and that AMAZING Le Blaireau print on the wall. Where the HELL did you get that???

Heh -- that's a printout of a photo I found on Google. For a recent work retreat, we were supposed to send in a photo of something that we found inspiring and this was what I picked. I brought it home and taped it up next to my desk afterward. No sense letting it go to waste!
chuckp says:

Jan 22 2016 at 8:34 am

@LawnCzar

@frank

@LawnCzar

I like that “bidon” effectively means, “jerry can.” You wage war on the mountains, attack the roads… May as well equip yourself appropriately.

I enjoy joy using terms like bidon, casquette, and gillet, but usually avoid the them unless I know the person I’m speaking with will understand me. If they do, we get to enjoy saying them together. If they don’t, I’d just confuse them. Words are better used as markers of affinity than of exclusion in my experience.

I love all of this. Spot on.

Hey, cheers.

I do use the words as a litmus test to see whether someone understands; I don’t wait to find out if they understand before using them. If they are confused, I explain myself and depending on the level of confusion, I will either then continue using the word assuming they now understand it, or will stop.

That’s a fair point — there are times when a moment of incomprehension is replaced with a deeper understanding.

While people are posting photos of tea cups, here’s a little number in “fine bone china” that I got for Christmas. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me smile each morning.

A Rouleur mug. Beautiful. I want this one. But with the exchange rate, I have hard time justifying spending 19 pounds (plus postage) for it. I need to be like you and find someone to give to me as a Christmas (or birthday) present.
chris says:

Jan 22 2016 at 8:51 am

@chuckp

@LawnCzar

@frank

@LawnCzar

I like that “bidon” effectively means, “jerry can.” You wage war on the mountains, attack the roads… May as well equip yourself appropriately.

I enjoy joy using terms like bidon, casquette, and gillet, but usually avoid the them unless I know the person I’m speaking with will understand me. If they do, we get to enjoy saying them together. If they don’t, I’d just confuse them. Words are better used as markers of affinity than of exclusion in my experience.

I love all of this. Spot on.

Hey, cheers.

I do use the words as a litmus test to see whether someone understands; I don’t wait to find out if they understand before using them. If they are confused, I explain myself and depending on the level of confusion, I will either then continue using the word assuming they now understand it, or will stop.

That’s a fair point — there are times when a moment of incomprehension is replaced with a deeper understanding.

While people are posting photos of tea cups, here’s a little number in “fine bone china” that I got for Christmas. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me smile each morning.

A Rouleur mug. Beautiful. I want this one. But with the exchange rate, I have hard time justifying spending 19 pounds (plus postage) for it. I need to be like you and find someone to give to me as a Christmas (or birthday) present.

Tea does taste particularly good out of bone china...
Buck Rogers says:

Jan 22 2016 at 9:10 am

@LawnCzar

Great stuff! Well done! I have been looking for a print of that scene for sale online and have not found one yet. I'll keep looking as I do not have a good quality printer available to me at the moment.
chuckp says:

Jan 22 2016 at 9:37 am

@chris

Tea does taste particularly good out of bone china…

I drink tea every now and again, but not regularly. Mostly I just drink the "hard" stuff, i.e., espresso.
chuckp says:

Jan 22 2016 at 9:39 am

@chris

I need these. http://cyclingsouvenirs.com/cycling-gifts/retro-cycling-team-espresso-cup-saucer/
LawnCzar says:

Jan 22 2016 at 9:42 am

@chris

@chuckp

@LawnCzar

@frank

@LawnCzar

I like that “bidon” effectively means, “jerry can.” You wage war on the mountains, attack the roads… May as well equip yourself appropriately.

I enjoy joy using terms like bidon, casquette, and gillet, but usually avoid the them unless I know the person I’m speaking with will understand me. If they do, we get to enjoy saying them together. If they don’t, I’d just confuse them. Words are better used as markers of affinity than of exclusion in my experience.

I love all of this. Spot on.

Hey, cheers.

I do use the words as a litmus test to see whether someone understands; I don’t wait to find out if they understand before using them. If they are confused, I explain myself and depending on the level of confusion, I will either then continue using the word assuming they now understand it, or will stop.

That’s a fair point — there are times when a moment of incomprehension is replaced with a deeper understanding.

While people are posting photos of tea cups, here’s a little number in “fine bone china” that I got for Christmas. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me smile each morning.

A Rouleur mug. Beautiful. I want this one. But with the exchange rate, I have hard time justifying spending 19 pounds (plus postage) for it. I need to be like you and find someone to give to me as a Christmas (or birthday) present.

Tea does taste particularly good out of bone china…

Excellent choices, gentlemen.

Yeah, the shipping to the States definitely made this one for the Christmas list. Luckily, my sister in law likes a) good design and b) bikes.

Now, I just need someone to take a similar attitude to those Moments prints...