Categories: Accessories and GearRantings from the V-Bunker

To Bidon Or Not To Bidon

This is a gordon, not a bidon.

This is serious, people. I hope you’re sitting down. Really. Sit down. Not a half sit. A real sit. Both cheeks. If you’re reading this on your phone, put the phone away and wait until you are sitting behind a computer like a civilized person.

Ready? Deep breath.

I have it on the excellent authority of my French friend Anne that that this is what a bidon looks like, not this.

I told you to sit down. My initial reaction was one of defiance and disbelief. I even suggested that I understood Le Langue du Peloton better than she does. In her infinite grace and my infinite obtuseness and ever-increasing volume, she almost conceded this as a possible explanation to this ground-rattling revelation.

There is something seriously fishy going on in this here petri dishy if what we as a collective of Cyclists – even those in France – have referred to as bidons are actually giant plastic jugs that are more commonly strapped to backs of Jeeps and motos than bicycles. Maybe we would take a bidon in the car to the start of a big ride, to fill up what we should probably be calling une gourde. Madness.

Cornered, I sought the advice of my good friend William, who represents one half of both Pavé Cycling Classics and Malteni Beer. He replied with his usual delicacy and the natural charm that I assume made him a good sprinter:

Tell her to fuck off. Was she born in the 50’s? For fuck’s sake. We haven’t called them gourdes since before the war when they were metal and were stopped up with corks. For fuck’s sake.

The only conclusion I can come to is that when the plastic bottle was introduced, some bright spark called it a bidon half as a pisstake and half as a way to distinguish this novelty from the traditional bar-mounted bottle. And we’ve been confusing the non-Cycling French population ever since.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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wilburrox says:

Jan 24 2016 at 6:19 am

@PT

@Barracuda

@brett

@Mikael Liddy

Say hi for us!

@brett Richie says G’day also (insert sarcastic smiley face etc etc )

Is that before or after he laid down some heat (ok, V) on Wilunga today?

That little whippersnapper positively dusted it yes? I just now watched the Stage V replay and dang that was a hot climb w/Richie P just about outa the saddle and laying down the hammer the entire jump... the Aussies overall wrapped up a great Down Under Tour. This just gets me super pumped for the season indeed. Cheers
Buck Rogers says:

Jan 24 2016 at 7:08 am

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@Pedale.Forchetta

@frank

Ciao! This winter I tried successfully to ride for 110 km wit no water or food, but to tell the truth I always carry a borraccia in the middle pocket of the jersey!

Here in Italy the most iconic photo of Coppi and Bartali, that everyone know and love, is this one…

This photo, right here, is justification alone for this site to exist. Perfetto.

I would argue that that entire exchange is a prime example of why we’re awesome.

Also, I’m not aware of any other site anywhere on the internet that can conjure up 100+ remarks to the notion that perhaps we are using the wrong incorrect term for “water bottle”. That, I would say, is why we are here.

Well, of course that ... and the photo.

I have to say that when I was stuck back in Iraq in summer 2009, riding my trainer day after day and surfing the web, what first brought me here was an AOP, if I am not mistaken. Seems like it was a King Kelly AOP back in 2009. But then again, I am getting as old as fuck (or Ivor--which ever is older) and I might be screwing up the whole memory en total!
the Engine says:

Jan 24 2016 at 9:15 am

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@Pedale.Forchetta

@frank

Ciao! This winter I tried successfully to ride for 110 km wit no water or food, but to tell the truth I always carry a borraccia in the middle pocket of the jersey!

Here in Italy the most iconic photo of Coppi and Bartali, that everyone know and love, is this one…

This photo, right here, is justification alone for this site to exist. Perfetto.

I would argue that that entire exchange is a prime example of why we’re awesome.

Also, I’m not aware of any other site anywhere on the internet that can conjure up 100+ remarks to the notion that perhaps we are using the wrong incorrect term for “water bottle”. That, I would say, is why we are here.

Well, of course that … and the photo.

I have to say that when I was stuck back in Iraq in summer 2009, riding my trainer day after day and surfing the web, what first brought me here was an AOP, if I am not mistaken. Seems like it was a King Kelly AOP back in 2009. But then again, I am getting as old as fuck (or Ivor–which ever is older) and I might be screwing up the whole memory en total!

I am officially older than Fuck. Fuck is a mere child compared to me. However, I can still ride a bike and Fuck cannot throw a leg over the top tube.
William Malteni says:

Jan 24 2016 at 12:13 pm

@Gianni: Glad I could help.
RobSandy says:

Jan 25 2016 at 1:30 am

@chuckp

WANT
Barracuda says:

Jan 26 2016 at 2:12 am

@PT

@Barracuda

@brett

@Mikael Liddy

Say hi for us!

@brett Richie says G’day also (insert sarcastic smiley face etc etc )

Is that before or after he laid down some heat (ok, V) on Wilunga today?

Before, he was " next level " on Willunga
Barracuda says:

Jan 26 2016 at 2:14 am

@wilburrox

@PT

@Barracuda

@brett

@Mikael Liddy

Say hi for us!

@brett Richie says G’day also (insert sarcastic smiley face etc etc )

Is that before or after he laid down some heat (ok, V) on Wilunga today?

That little whippersnapper positively dusted it yes? I just now watched the Stage V replay and dang that was a hot climb w/Richie P just about outa the saddle and laying down the hammer the entire jump… the Aussies overall wrapped up a great Down Under Tour. This just gets me super pumped for the season indeed. Cheers

Yep indeed, we rode the course before the willunga stage about an hour before and it was packed. Willunga Hill is an amazing atmosphere, Let the season begin !!!
Barracuda says:

Jan 26 2016 at 2:35 am
Barracuda says:

Jan 26 2016 at 2:49 am

@Barracuda

TDU 2016 Willunga Stage - Main Straight at base of Willunga Hill prior to Richie Porte putting the hurt on, greeted by the V Flag
Buck Rogers says:

Jan 26 2016 at 6:24 am

@Barracuda

I'm betting it was the V flag that inspired the move. Just speculation but if you see smoke and then fire, it is logical to think that the smoke came from the fire, no?