Categories: Accessories and GearRantings from the V-Bunker

To Bidon Or Not To Bidon

This is a gordon, not a bidon.

This is serious, people. I hope you’re sitting down. Really. Sit down. Not a half sit. A real sit. Both cheeks. If you’re reading this on your phone, put the phone away and wait until you are sitting behind a computer like a civilized person.

Ready? Deep breath.

I have it on the excellent authority of my French friend Anne that that this is what a bidon looks like, not this.

I told you to sit down. My initial reaction was one of defiance and disbelief. I even suggested that I understood Le Langue du Peloton better than she does. In her infinite grace and my infinite obtuseness and ever-increasing volume, she almost conceded this as a possible explanation to this ground-rattling revelation.

There is something seriously fishy going on in this here petri dishy if what we as a collective of Cyclists – even those in France – have referred to as bidons are actually giant plastic jugs that are more commonly strapped to backs of Jeeps and motos than bicycles. Maybe we would take a bidon in the car to the start of a big ride, to fill up what we should probably be calling une gourde. Madness.

Cornered, I sought the advice of my good friend William, who represents one half of both Pavé Cycling Classics and Malteni Beer. He replied with his usual delicacy and the natural charm that I assume made him a good sprinter:

Tell her to fuck off. Was she born in the 50’s? For fuck’s sake. We haven’t called them gourdes since before the war when they were metal and were stopped up with corks. For fuck’s sake.

The only conclusion I can come to is that when the plastic bottle was introduced, some bright spark called it a bidon half as a pisstake and half as a way to distinguish this novelty from the traditional bar-mounted bottle. And we’ve been confusing the non-Cycling French population ever since.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Ccos says:

Jan 20 2016 at 11:12 am

@chuckp

@Teocalli

@frank

@Ccos

It’s ok to say “bidon” and “gillet” but order a “medium” at Starbucks, right?

I thought so.

Does not compute; I never go to Starbucks unless I’m travelling in a savage land where there are no better cafés available. I always just say, “in your smallest cup” if I’m taking it to go, and “in a civilized cup” if I’m having it there. A civilized cup is, of course, made of porcelain.

Whist a civilised cup is definitely made of porcelain. I fear you are confusing porcelain for white pottery (at best bone china) in respect of what said coffee will actually arrive in.

This is porcelain.

Well the sum bitches serve expresso in little paper cups anyway and always seem put off by it. It does touch porcelain at some point as illustrated above, after the caffeine has been fully extracted.

Well to add to the original thread: my French buddies were pronouncing peloton without saying the e, more akin to platoon. Should I suggest speech therapy or are they right?
Ron says:

Jan 20 2016 at 11:35 am

@wiscot

Lordy, Paris-Nice, Tirreno-Adriatico and the Spring classics can’t come soon enough, can they? Pictures of toilets, underpants and discussions about Starbucks. Yes folks, it’s the middle of January here in Velominati-land.

Let’s discuss Bartali’s headgear in that picture above. A bandana gone wrong? Focus, people, focus!

You will never know the zenith unless you know the trough.

Let us get low before we rise with the Classics and soar with the Giro!
piwakawaka says:

Jan 20 2016 at 11:49 am

aww, come on guy's didn't you watch Caleb Ewan out sprint every other sprinters lead out man at TDU?
LawnCzar says:

Jan 20 2016 at 12:34 pm

@frank

@LawnCzar

I like that “bidon” effectively means, “jerry can.” You wage war on the mountains, attack the roads… May as well equip yourself appropriately.

I enjoy joy using terms like bidon, casquette, and gillet, but usually avoid the them unless I know the person I’m speaking with will understand me. If they do, we get to enjoy saying them together. If they don’t, I’d just confuse them. Words are better used as markers of affinity than of exclusion in my experience.

I love all of this. Spot on.

Hey, cheers.

I do use the words as a litmus test to see whether someone understands; I don’t wait to find out if they understand before using them. If they are confused, I explain myself and depending on the level of confusion, I will either then continue using the word assuming they now understand it, or will stop.

That's a fair point -- there are times when a moment of incomprehension is replaced with a deeper understanding.

While people are posting photos of tea cups, here's a little number in "fine bone china" that I got for Christmas. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't make me smile each morning.
wiscot says:

Jan 20 2016 at 2:01 pm

@piwakawaka

aww, come on guy’s didn’t you watch Caleb Ewan out sprint every other sprinters lead out man at TDU?

Oh, err, oh yeah! The Training Down Under. Can't take my eyes off it.
DavyMuur says:

Jan 20 2016 at 2:06 pm

@piwakawaka

aww, come on guy’s didn’t you watch Caleb Ewan out sprint every other sprinters lead out man at TDU?

Unfortunately, in this hemisphere the TDU is only available on a particular sports chanel belonging to a certain Rupert Murdoch.

Boo-urns
wiscot says:

Jan 20 2016 at 2:17 pm

@DavyMuur

@piwakawaka

aww, come on guy’s didn’t you watch Caleb Ewan out sprint every other sprinters lead out man at TDU?

Unfortunately, in this hemisphere the TDU is only available on a particular sports chanel belonging to a certain Rupert Murdoch.

Boo-urns

steephill.tv will give you all you might want. Maybe not live, but video, pixs etc. This site should be bookmarked by all velominati.
DavyMuur says:

Jan 20 2016 at 3:03 pm

@wiscot

@DavyMuur

@piwakawaka

aww, come on guy’s didn’t you watch Caleb Ewan out sprint every other sprinters lead out man at TDU?

Unfortunately, in this hemisphere the TDU is only available on a particular sports chanel belonging to a certain Rupert Murdoch.

Boo-urns

steephill.tv will give you all you might want. Maybe not live, but video, pixs etc. This site should be bookmarked by all velominati.

Cheers for that. Liking the old school format of that site. Although, for me, there is no substitute for watching live cycling on an actual television.
Mikael Liddy says:

Jan 20 2016 at 4:22 pm

@wiscot

@piwakawaka

aww, come on guy’s didn’t you watch Caleb Ewan out sprint every other sprinters lead out man at TDU?

Oh, err, oh yeah! The Training Down Under. Can’t take my eyes off it.

First couple of stages have been reasonably tame, shit gets a little more real today with the first likely GC shake up over Corkscrew Rd. Last time they used this stage finish, Good Cadelephant gave a free lesson in Sur la Plaque climbing followed by balls out descending.

As an aside, I'll be heading to a dinner with the great man as guest speaker this evening...hopefully no dogs will be harmed over the course of the night!
brett says:

Jan 20 2016 at 4:38 pm

@Mikael Liddy

Say hi for us!