The missing machine.

Points of complication are usually both surprising and completely predictable. Take, for instance, international travel. We don’t really have trouble cramming a few hundred people who don’t know each other in a small, confined space and chucking in the air at 9,000 meteres to a destination several thousand kilometers away. That bit, apparently, is simple and is generally goes off without a hitch.

The complicated bit, evidently, is the bit where you arrive with all the same objects that you left with. My bicycle comes to mind as one such item that I would have liked to have arrive with me in Amsterdam, as it is an item that bears some relevance to this trip. And which, of course, didn’t make it onto the plane with me.

Thankfully, I’ve done enough travel to have some degree of familiarity with this particular routine. I’ve also learned that in America, we become very occupied with the idea that we might predict with some certainty when the missing items could arrive, or where they should be at any given moment. This gives us a degree of comfort that we might at some point regain possession of our beloved items.

Europeans don’t share this occupation with us. I recall my first trip to France with(out) bicycle. We arrived, naturally, in Toulouse san le velo. Throughout our workings with the airline as to determine where our bicycles might be, they treated us the the customary French ridicule that we should be so concerned with the whereabouts of the bicycles; they weren’t lost, after all. They just didn’t know where they were. But on that occasion, we were phoned within an hour or so that they would arrive on the next plane and that we should pick them up in a few hours.

My arrival in Amsterdam, without my bicycle, distinguished itself from our arrival in France in the respect that they had absolutely no idea where the bicycle was, and since I’d had a layover in San Francisco wherein the bicycle changed hands between airlines, there was also some question as to precisely at which airport it might have been left, whose fault it was (probably mine), and whether it hadn’t accidentally boarded a plane to New Delhi or some such exotic location. Thankfully, it also distinguished itself in the respect that I can speak the language well enough and can easily switch between English and Dutch as it suits my needs (the Dutch are often more tolerant of your ignorance if they don’t know you’re Dutch and should thusly know better, so if I’m clueless about something I tend to revert back into English to demonstrate my idiocy and invoke their sense of sympathy for my predicament.)

If you find routine comforting, as many of us do, then you would find it comforting to know that the baggage handlers in Amsterdam held the same degree of interest as the French did as to whether or not I found the situation I was in either inconvenient or distressing. That is to say, they had none; they were much more interested in getting me to stop talking than finding any kind of resolution.

Having experienced all this before, I left the airport not terribly distressed. But then the questions started to creep in, often raised by other. What should I if my bike didn’t arrive? I’m perhaps the most finicky person when it comes to my bicycle and position as anyone could be, so borrowing a bike is a very unappealing idea. Not to mention that I began curating my wheels in November, and had only twice ridden on the tires I had specially handmade for my ride over the cobblestones. To return to Seattle without having had these wheels so much as grace the pavé seems very incomplete, somehow.

I went to sleep last night with no updates, despite several calls to Schiphol in pursuit of some information that might put me at my ease. I awoke an hour later needing to use the loo, so I got up and made my way upstairs where I ran into my mother who had just gotten off the phone with my dad. She informed me of his heartfelt condolences, and that he was concerned that some handler with sticky fingers had perhaps stolen the bike as it came off the plane. This seemed almost completely impossible, but just possible enough to worry me to my core. I fell asleep with visions of never again laying eyes upon my irreplaceable Bike #1.

I start the day today in the waning hope of receiving my bicycle before we jump on the train for Lille tomorrow. I also find Lou Reed’s lyrics running through my mind.

I’m waiting for my bike,

With $26 in my hand.

So sick and dirty, more dead than alive,

I’m waiting for my bike.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • So, bike has arrived at my nephews place in Amsterdam (I'm with family in a town outside Utrech today) and I have not yet laid eyes/hands on anything other than a photo of the case he sent me. But its definitely my case and look in good order. No rattling was reported. That's good.

    But as @mtnbikerfred said, I won't really - REALLY - rest easy until the bike is built has has done a test-drive up the Kemmelberg.

    I've had two days now of speaking (mostly) only Dutch and the language is feeling pretty good. I'm just afraid of running into some weird dialects in Belgium that I can't handle...like the lady in Road to Roubaix who switches between French and Flemish a few times per sentence. That is one mind fuck too far.

    (My mum doesn't live in NL; by sheer coincidence she is here while my dad is in Europe on business.)

  • @Jeff in PetroMetro
    That badge is making me jealous too. Stupid orange v-cog sucks. The lion scaled down beautifully and a 14 hour sleepless flight is perfect for making a 16x16 badge of a tiny lion and tweaking it pixel by pixel until its perfect. I finished the as-yet unannounced RVV winner's badge as well.

  • @frank

    So, bike has arrived at my nephews place in Amsterdam

    Great news, Frank. Now get it together and enjoy this abnormally gorgeous weather before it heads south this weekend.

  • @frank

    @Jeff in PetroMetro
    That badge is making me jealous too. Stupid orange v-cog sucks. The lion scaled down beautifully and a 14 hour sleepless flight is perfect for making a 16×16 badge of a tiny lion and tweaking it pixel by pixel until its perfect. I finished the as-yet unannounced RVV winner's badge as well.

    OK, this is going to be crazy, but:

    Maybe you can work on a new feature where a screen name could have multiple badges next to it?

    So someone could have the possibility of "earning" multiple badges (say they happen to be a V-article contributor AND current VSP leader, as just one example). Maybe put a cap on it, like the ability to earn up to a maximum of three badges at any one time.

    Glad to hear that you'll be able to work on bringing some modern touches to your 1970's era Dutch while over there. Now that your bike is accounted for, have a GRAND fucking time this next week, you deserve it mate.

  • @mcsqueak @frank

    Another idea: perhaps let users select the badge they want to display from a choice of the badges they have earned?

    Only exception would be VSP-related badges, which would automatically go to the winner of those races.

    Boy, thinking up new things for your to-do list is fun!

  • @frank
    Praise be!! - that would have been the unfairest thing since whatever

    Book yourself a massage as compensation

  • @frank
    Great to hear #1 arrived at correct destination! Phew!
    I bet you feel like this kid, with #1 reunited and the cobbles a few moments away!

    And all KT riders, have a great ride!

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