Categories: Anatomy of a PhotoLa Vie Velominatus

Anatomy of a Photo: Bike Love

The look, of love... Photo via Oli's Tumblr

I got new wheels last week and got them mounted with tires by the weekend. Then @Haldy had to help me with a clearance problem on Sunday (27mm FMB Paris-Roubaix’s get to be more like 29mm tires after Francois finishes his lunchtime bottle of wine). When I wasn’t looking, @Haldy put orange cable ends on all the cables. A Velominatus can’t resist doing that sort of thing, you see.

Between the new wheels and orange bits, I feel like I have a new bike. I brought her up into the dining room and have spent yesterday evening and today morning working from the dining room table so I can gaze at her while “thinking”.

I’m tempted to bring her to work today, but I’ve got a few client meetings and I’m afraid my customers might think it a bit strange if I walk into the conference room wheeling my bike. The key thing that separates us from the rest of the world is that we think its normal to stare lovingly at an inanimate object.

We are Cyclists; the rest of the world merely rides a bike. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Ccos says:

Mar 31 2015 at 9:51 am

I generally follow Jerry Seinfeld's advice when it comes to staring at things, except for the bike. Given my usual habit of anthropomizing items, I suspect my bike secretly likes it.
Ron says:

Mar 31 2015 at 10:04 am

You mean you can't stare at it too long, it's like the sun?

Seinfeld and the Kids in the Hall have provided lessons that are now internalized. I'll find myself replying to someone, or muttering something to myself, and I'm not sure where it came from, then I'll remember.

"Greatest hits albums are for housewives and little girls."
unversio says:

Mar 31 2015 at 10:12 am

I do understand, and often explain to others that since I love my bike, a symptom is that I end up riding it. The MX-Leader sits with me daily next to my desk and usually works its own magic to prepare me for upcoming rides -- it expects me to measure up. I get ideas from staring at the bike. And with that, I plan to move my saddle height and position today.
wiscot says:

Mar 31 2015 at 10:30 am

Oogling my bikes? Guilty as charged. Put some new tires on #3 last night and cleaned and tweaked #1 and #4. The latter got a new saddle too. Bikes can never be too clean and/or tweaked. #1 and #2 are basically all black, save for the 5mm spacer atop the steerer. That is painted orange and works beautifully with the black and orange cuff links.

I also got new wheels and tires for the #1 but I'm saving that treat for the first 70 degree-plus day we get here in SE WI. A man has to ration his treats to himself.
SamV says:

Mar 31 2015 at 10:52 am

My bike lives in my office. I work from home and spend most of the day staring at it, waiting for the workday to wind down. Just a couple more hours...
wiscot says:

Mar 31 2015 at 11:14 am

Never mind the bike love - just look at Gimondi in that picture. Flawlessly dressed - flawlessly. Feast your eyes and try and forget Paolini's transgressions at the weekend. If Luca goes to confession, he had plenty to talk to the priest about.

It would be funny to imagine if Frank was in the confessional opposite Paolini. "Father, I have sinned," says Luca, "No shit." says Frank.
Ron says:

Mar 31 2015 at 11:21 am

@wiscot

Oogling my bikes? Guilty as charged. Put some new tires on #3 last night and cleaned and tweaked #1 and #4. The latter got a new saddle too. Bikes can never be too clean and/or tweaked. #1 and #2 are basically all black, save for the 5mm spacer atop the steerer. That is painted orange and works beautifully with the black and orange cuff links.

I also got new wheels and tires for the #1 but I’m saving that treat for the first 70 degree-plus day we get here in SE WI. A man has to ration his treats to himself.

That is a lot of work right there! I have the habit of thinking to myself, "Okay, just one more small alteration and the bike will be complete, perfect." And then a year or two passes and I'm still making minor changes.

I only ride my Tommasini on the nicest of days, putting together a new wheelset for it, should be ready post-Classics, pre-Giro, just in time for some warm sunny days.
wiscot says:

Mar 31 2015 at 11:29 am

@Ron

@wiscot

Oogling my bikes? Guilty as charged. Put some new tires on #3 last night and cleaned and tweaked #1 and #4. The latter got a new saddle too. Bikes can never be too clean and/or tweaked. #1 and #2 are basically all black, save for the 5mm spacer atop the steerer. That is painted orange and works beautifully with the black and orange cuff links.

I also got new wheels and tires for the #1 but I’m saving that treat for the first 70 degree-plus day we get here in SE WI. A man has to ration his treats to himself.

That is a lot of work right there! I have the habit of thinking to myself, “Okay, just one more small alteration and the bike will be complete, perfect.” And then a year or two passes and I’m still making minor changes.

I only ride my Tommasini on the nicest of days, putting together a new wheelset for it, should be ready post-Classics, pre-Giro, just in time for some warm sunny days.

But isn't this the essence of a true Velominatus - to never be satisfied with the state of your stable? Always primping and polishing, cleaning and adjusting, upgrading and switching parts? A ride can be ruined by a squeak or a position or part that needs adjusting. Total harmony is our nirvana: look fantastic and feel good on a bike that is in tip-top condition. It is our holy grail and when we find it, all is right with the world.
Ron says:

Mar 31 2015 at 11:56 am

wiscot - Very nicely put. And yes, of course a Follower should never be satisfied, always something to change slightly. I guess the myth that I'll find Bike Harmony is the reason I keep on tinkering! With a new job the Budgetatus has spiked, but mulling over new updates has continued. What fun would it be if you could just buy everything you wanted?
Teocalli says:

Mar 31 2015 at 11:58 am

@Ccos

I generally follow Jerry Seinfeld’s advice when it comes to staring at things, except for the bike. Given my usual habit of anthropomizing items, I suspect my bike secretly likes it.

JK Jerome - "Work fascinates me. I can sit an look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me, the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart."

He should have been a Velominati.