Categories: Anatomy of a Photo

Anatomy of a Photo: Denim Shorts

The Rules, of course, are a sort of reference guide for those of us who may need a little bit of help making sure we act and look Fantastic at all times, whether on or near the bike. However much they are steeped in the history of our sport, they are by their very nature incomplete and always evolving, subject to the continuous development of the sport. They are also greatly influenced by the little things the Pros do, mostly because they invariably look better than any of us and, due to the immense number of hours they spend on the bicycle, have figured a thing or two out that we can learn from without having to interrupt our beer drinking or stop critiquing them from the comfort of our sofas.

However influential the Pros may be in determining The Rules, their actions are still subject to Good Taste, and should they violate that ever-important element, their actions will never find their way into the cannon. Conversely, they may also – through the sheer volume of the V they are able to channel – transcend The Rules and venture into Velomitopia despite any garish choice of aesthetics they may choose. Il Pirata’s bandana comes to mind, as does Gilbert’s up-flipped cap; if we are to try such things ourselves, we would be damned to an eternity of indoor windtrainer intervals.

Which brings me to the subject of the Carrera Jeans bibshorts. Taken out of context, these are perhaps the worst idea anyone has ever had since putting an ejector seat in a helicopter with no detachable rotors. But put in the context of Il Diablo and his 232 km escape to Sestriere, those fake denim bibs are, in my mind, some of the coolest bits of cycling kit ever created. Rule Violation? Absolutely. Looked all kinds of Awesome on Chiappucci? Fuck yeah. Horrible helmet notwithstanding.

You just won’t be seeing me sporting a pair, is all.

 

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • ok ladies, go ahead and drink the purple kool-aid, but I am not....pass it on down the line and pass an espresso please, I'm donning my Castelli's and heading out to race

    Its a dark secret, but I am going to tell you one, even PRO's make mistakes. Its the unwritten Rule. There are not many mistakes, but it happens and denim kits are the equivalent of JimJones dose of cyanide laced kool-aid...a big mistake

    Oh, you don't think, go ahead mary, put'm on, go down to your Thursday night world championship crit/race/ride and see what your buddies say....go ahead.

    I just can't believe it has generated so many 'cool' comments or 'yeah, I'd like some cause I ride steel too'.

    I'm w/jeff on this one, somethings are best handled w/a turn of the head for a moment til it passes like when your buddy who slept with the ugly girl at the bar the night before, turn your head, give him some dignity for a moment, he'll realize what he did and shake her off.

    Thats what we should do to the denim kit

  • You notice who's conspicuously missing from this discussion? Mr. Frank. Like one of those guys who gets folks all riled up at a bar or dinner party, then stealths off into a corner and watches the mayhem slowly unfold.

  • Coincidence is a funny thing. As if anyone reading this site was contemplating buying a pair of vile "denim"-look shorts, I have a suggestion that will help you look shit for less. And let's face it, if you're going to deliberately look like shit, there's no point spending $$$$ doing so. This morning I was at a popular high-volume mass market retailer. In the clearance section were "denim"-look leggings. Printed on seams, pockets and all. $4.50. They were in the knicker-style mode, but with fall just around the corner they could be just right if you are so inclined. Just sayin' . . . .

  • OK people. FOCUS now...!
    There's a grand tour on you know. Lets not let this herring suck up all the oxygen.
    Its a mountain stage and Saussler's in the break goddamit!

  • wiscot - I've seen some curvy well-built gals in those faux denim tights/leggings. Dual thumbs up from me. Now, if we can just get the muffin-topped tubbies to quite wearing leggings in public...

    Alright, back on topic. How many of you had ever heard of Elia Viviani before yesterday? He's news to me.

  • @eightzero

    @Jeff in PetroMetro

    Merckx would never be caught dead in those. Look to him for guidance.

    Indeed. Look deep into your soul, then look to Him for guidance. Channel The V. That is all.

    By the way, this article in NO WAY sanctions the purchasing of this item. See the below for any questions.

    @Ron
    I'm looking at you.

  • @Jeff in PetroMetro

    Oh, oh, oh. Whoa is me. My friend, Ron, is lost.
    Seekers, what constitutes an exorcism for a Velominatus?

    I'm surprised you have to ask. Hill Repeats. Preferably 25 reps of Haleakala.

  • @Abdu

    Perfect timing, as I have just started a retro build project in homage to my teenage hero Il Diablo.
    Unfortunately, extensive Googling only seems to yield recent photos of the great man with various models slash p0rn stars. All attempts to find the decals are coming up with donut. Anyone?
    I must say I can recall the denim nicks, but for some reason don't recall Claudio being in anything but the royal blue nicks (like a '70"²s Roos jumper, if any Aussies like me remember). The Carrera Vagabond Jeans jersey was a much treasured part of my kit back in the day.
    Apart from his fantastic exploits in '91 and '92, there was a story about Chiapucci in a fairly decent race heading off on a breakaway, but jumping off into the bushes for a leak. He got the idea that it would be funny to stay there and watch the peloton chase past. Story is he rejoined quietly, no one noticed (including DS') and the bunch wound up a fairly desperate chase before the jig was up.
    Suggest you look up the 2011 model Carrera Phibra, Teeceboy. It's a pretty aggressive looking bike, very schmick to my eyes.

    Chiappucci, in spite of my inability to spell his name without looking it up, was also one of my childhood heros, starting with his rockin' shades in '91 and being solidified by the break I mentioned in the article, up to Sestriere. I hated him in 1990, though, probably because he wasn't wearing the blue jeans.

    Assuming you're only talking about doing the build on the bike, that era of Dura-Ace (with DT shifters, not STI) was the only incarnation of Shimano that rivals Campa for beauty. Those brake levers were a work of art. Absolutely top shelf. Just don't put the DT shifters on SIS and attach them to a Cannonwhale's massive down tube; each click from a shift might as well have been a gun going off, signaling that you were shifting. CLICK!!

    But the shape of those brake levers, with the metal trim on along the hoods, and the single-pivot brakeset...be still my beating heart. I'll look forward to seeing pictures of your rebuild on The Bikes.

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