Categories: Anatomy of a Photo

Anatomy of a Photo: Denim Shorts

The Rules, of course, are a sort of reference guide for those of us who may need a little bit of help making sure we act and look Fantastic at all times, whether on or near the bike. However much they are steeped in the history of our sport, they are by their very nature incomplete and always evolving, subject to the continuous development of the sport. They are also greatly influenced by the little things the Pros do, mostly because they invariably look better than any of us and, due to the immense number of hours they spend on the bicycle, have figured a thing or two out that we can learn from without having to interrupt our beer drinking or stop critiquing them from the comfort of our sofas.

However influential the Pros may be in determining The Rules, their actions are still subject to Good Taste, and should they violate that ever-important element, their actions will never find their way into the cannon. Conversely, they may also – through the sheer volume of the V they are able to channel – transcend The Rules and venture into Velomitopia despite any garish choice of aesthetics they may choose. Il Pirata’s bandana comes to mind, as does Gilbert’s up-flipped cap; if we are to try such things ourselves, we would be damned to an eternity of indoor windtrainer intervals.

Which brings me to the subject of the Carrera Jeans bibshorts. Taken out of context, these are perhaps the worst idea anyone has ever had since putting an ejector seat in a helicopter with no detachable rotors. But put in the context of Il Diablo and his 232 km escape to Sestriere, those fake denim bibs are, in my mind, some of the coolest bits of cycling kit ever created. Rule Violation? Absolutely. Looked all kinds of Awesome on Chiappucci? Fuck yeah. Horrible helmet notwithstanding.

You just won’t be seeing me sporting a pair, is all.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Aug 28 2011 at 3:20 pm

@Bianchi Denti
+1

@Ron, I'm still looking at you.

@mouse
That picture has me on the verge of putting forth the "-1" badge...although a probationary period in the Moderation queue is probably a better place for people who post pictures of fat people with not nearly enough clothes on, especially ones who have "The Circle of Life" painted on their rotund bellies with themselves painted as tigers. The only thing worthwhile about it is thinking of them actually getting eaten by tigers, thus demonstrating their message in the most ironic and satisfactory way possible.
minion says:

Aug 28 2011 at 6:15 pm

@mouse
With your user name, does that couple chase you round the house and bat at you with their paws when you try and steal their cheese?

I was about to comment that 99.5 per cent of the population think cyclists look like fuckwits in Lycra, and the carerra shorts only convince the remaining .5 per cent. Then I saw that and changed my mind. I'm laughing and crying at the same time.
scaler911 says:

Aug 28 2011 at 7:45 pm

@mouse

And really, that's just the top of the slippery slope that leads to this...

And y'all are giving me shit.
brett says:

Aug 29 2011 at 12:26 pm

I think we are all missing the real point of the photo; Mig rocked a cap like no-one else could.
brett says:

Aug 29 2011 at 12:30 pm

*which is just my way of averting my eyes from denim shorts, Cipo and @mouses parents...
fasthair says:

Aug 29 2011 at 1:04 pm

@brett

I think we are all missing the real point of the photo; Mig rocked a cap like no-one else could.

Funny you stated this because the hat is what jumped out at me and just how damn cool it looks on his mug! I had to read the post to get "the joke."

fasthair
Nate says:

Aug 29 2011 at 1:35 pm

@brett
I was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.
frank says:

Aug 29 2011 at 2:25 pm

@brett, @fasthair, @Nate
I was wondering when someone was actually going to start looking at the photo itself, which is awesome. I tried with the DA lever discussion, but sadly there was too much homoeroticism going on for anyone to notice.
scaler911 says:

Aug 29 2011 at 2:48 pm

@Nate

@brett
I was more drawn to the Delta brakes, but the cap is of course correct. Funny how Mig keeps lurking in the background of a lot of photos lately.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I've never really liked Big Mig. Looks great on the bike, had an enormous motor, quiet and dominate. Just no panache. Even the two douche- nozzles, Pharmmy and Clenbutador, attack(ed), mixed it up a bit.
scaler911 says:

Aug 29 2011 at 2:49 pm

@frank

@brett, @fasthair, @Nate
I was wondering when someone was actually going to start looking at the photo itself, which is awesome. I tried with the DA lever discussion, but sadly there was too much homoeroticism going on for anyone to notice.

Christ.