Anatomy of a Photo: Injustice

The hair, the shoes, the slicks. That's enough for me.

One of my favorite pass times is to chuck a cycling term into Google’s Image Search, set the filter to Large, and see what turns up. It is incredible how much porn you have to sift through, by the way. I would really think words like “shaved” and “hardman” would be innocent enough, but take it from me – that is not the case.

I have found, however, that through perseverance, determination, and a dash of grit comes reward, and this photo is evidence of that. I don’t know who this strapping young stud is, but he wrote at least one of the chapters in the Book of Awesome. The hair, the cap, the brazen expression, the jersey, the guns, the Chuck Taylors, and riding cross on slicks. And that’s not a fucking compact, either. Well done, my son. It is an injustice beyond comprehension that you did not become a Giant of the Road.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Jan 20 2011 at 2:53 pm

@Jim
Hail fellow Velominatus. You sound like a man with first-hand knowledge of the Northern California 'cross scene. Stories, please? We like tales of a time when men and machines were made of steel.
frank says:

Jan 20 2011 at 6:02 pm

@Cyclops, @Pedale.Forchetta
Stand by; I'll make sure to have Gianni photograph me changing out of my man thong into my cellophane skinsuit before starting the climb up Iwishiwasdeadalugi.
frank says:

Jan 20 2011 at 6:04 pm

@Jeff in PetroMetro

That is an awesome story. I can picture it. An image slowly filling in from the top of the big screen to the bottom at 1200 baud in front of an audience. Oops.

You do have to admire the vision of the porn industry, though, right? I mean the rest of the world was going, "Hm, I wonder how we can use this to spread knowledge and increase productivity" while they were like, "Oh, Internet + naked = money, Fucktards."
frank says:

Jan 20 2011 at 6:08 pm

@Jim, @Jeff in PetroMetro
I'm not easily impressed, but - wait, that's not true. I'm very easily impressed and easily distracted by shiny thing and carbon fiber - but I'm not easily impressed by people's ability to pull cycling shit together but this was...well, this was impressive.

On another note, I bought the SI issue today and read the Pharmy article. The US has definitely lost a hero today, but we have a new one - his name is Clark Natwick. I'll drink to that.
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Jan 20 2011 at 7:20 pm

@frank
Yeah. There are some good folks in the peloton. Sometimes I have to remind myself that not everyone is a complete twatwaffle. Well, quite a few are twatwaffles, but not all of them.

But back to more important things. How does the porn industry make money when it's out there for free? I don't understand the business model.
Joe says:

Jan 21 2011 at 4:43 am

Club Endspurt? Really?

....Money strokes, indeedy.
Cyclops says:

Jan 21 2011 at 8:27 am

I think this might fall under the "bike porn" nomenclature.
Jim says:

Jan 21 2011 at 9:28 am

Two more things illustrated by the Clark picture: barend shifters, a cap that fit over your hairnet helmet.

On any cx weekend these guys would school me on dirt. You could line up with:

Lawrence Malone, multi-US champion, reported to be the first guy to bunny-hop a barrier at a major Euro event. (The crowd went wild.)
Jim Gentes, who would create the first Giro helmet and found the company.
Danny Nall, the godfather of US cyclocross.
Gary Fisher, you have already heard of him.

Before a cold, damp race in Santa Cruz, most of us were wondering what we were doing there. Gary Fisher flings his bike frisbee-style into a muddy pond, stomps out into two feet deep water to retrieve it, and says to the effect, "OK, now let's get started."
Buck Rogers says:

Jan 21 2011 at 11:11 am

@frank
I have to get that issue as well as it sounds like a bit of a lnadmark article. Not normally an SI/ESPN sort of guy but this one has actually reeled me in.
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Jan 21 2011 at 12:01 pm

@Jim

Before a cold, damp race in Santa Cruz, most of us were wondering what we were doing there. Gary Fisher flings his bike frisbee-style into a muddy pond, stomps out into two feet deep water to retrieve it, and says to the effect, "OK, now let's get started."

PURE. FUCKING. AWESOME.