Anatomy of a Photo: Injustice

The hair, the shoes, the slicks. That's enough for me.

One of my favorite pass times is to chuck a cycling term into Google’s Image Search, set the filter to Large, and see what turns up. It is incredible how much porn you have to sift through, by the way. I would really think words like “shaved” and “hardman” would be innocent enough, but take it from me – that is not the case.

I have found, however, that through perseverance, determination, and a dash of grit comes reward, and this photo is evidence of that. I don’t know who this strapping young stud is, but he wrote at least one of the chapters in the Book of Awesome. The hair, the cap, the brazen expression, the jersey, the guns, the Chuck Taylors, and riding cross on slicks. And that’s not a fucking compact, either. Well done, my son. It is an injustice beyond comprehension that you did not become a Giant of the Road.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Geoffrey Grosenbach says:

Jan 21 2011 at 2:02 pm

@Jim
It sounds like Fisher was the unattributed original inventor of the Millarcopter. Fishercopter?
frank says:

Jan 21 2011 at 2:47 pm

@Jim, @Jeff in PetroMetro
Reminds me of the tale Spankles told on Project Zero:

Although Brett beat me to it in naming Gene, I can top that with an eye-witness account of Gene's style. Picture the start to a typical mountain bike race in the early 90s. Lots of lycra. A few rock-shox (maybe), and a couple of guys locked-in to their Look road pedals (I was one of them), teetering at the start and waiting for the gun to go off. A cloud of dust in the distance is followed by a car that pulls up to the start line. Out comes some dude in a white t-shirt and jeans, appearing to be in no hurry. He opens the trunk, pulls out his MBzip, and slowly puts on his jersey and those sweet original Oakleys. Rides up right to the very front of the start line just as the gun goes off and proceeds to win the race easily.

Legend.

@Geoffrey Grosenbach
Spot on, mate.
Hawkeye says:

Jan 22 2011 at 3:27 am

Three points.

Clark Natwick is as porn a name as I've ever heard

I have loved the use of both "fucktard" and "twatwaffle" in the above conversation. Chapeau.

I love even more (from @Frank's photo at post #18) that the boys doing the cyclocross start were all in aero positions. While standing still.
mightyninja says:

Jan 22 2011 at 4:21 am

frank:
@mightyninja, @Jeff in PetroMetro

Google such words as: shaved, hardman, lube, chain, position, velcro, stroke, etc. You know.

Is it wrong that I giggled like a school girl when I read that?

No, because that's exactly what I did & am still giggling re-reading this!
Il buccaneero says:

Jan 22 2011 at 4:37 am

The original photo now has me longing for a long, gnarly climb. Just me and my bike against some steep, seemingly unending singletrack. Preferably with some tight switchbacks. And my determination to get to the top without putting a foot down. And nobody would ever give a rats ass but me when I made it, and that is the way I like it.
Jeff in PetroMetro says:

Jan 22 2011 at 7:59 am

@Il buccaneero
Right. That is exactly right.

And yet, here in the PetroMetro, if I want to climb anything, I have to go to a highway overpass. I'm at 16 meters above sea level. A 2-hour ride in any direction gets me to 20 meters. It's a 3-hour drive west to Austin where climbs can be steep (short but steep). It's an hour drive north to the Sam Houston National Park where there are rollers, but anyone from a climbing region can do them Belgian-style in a big ring while singing at the top of their lungs "Friggin in the Riggin" by the Sex Pistols.

Oh, and that's my training goal for 2011. I have great aspirations.

Warning--NSFW. None the less, a classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhHAVaOEO8g
xyxax says:

Jan 22 2011 at 9:35 am

@Jeff in PetroMetro
I don't know how you do it. I grew up in Fort Worth and spent 4 years in Galveston, where the steepest climb would have been going up over the curb. And your Rule 9 is summer-based.
Jim says:

Jan 22 2011 at 9:45 am

After looking at the startline photo more closely--
Number 12 is Clark Natwick, number 11 is Jim Gentes. This is a junior race. The guys in the grey jerseys (actually orange) are from the Velo Sport Club. Velo Sport was a shop in Berkeley owned by Peter Rich (not a porn name) who provided opportunities for a lot of talent to go racing. Mike Neal and George Mount (not porn names) are two that made it to a high level. Velo Sport always had a squadra of juniors. Sorry I can't name more in the photo.
Buck Rogers says:

Jan 22 2011 at 11:41 am

@Jeff in PetroMetro
Hey Mate! Where do you live currently? I just found out that I am moving to Ft Sam Houston in San Antonio this summer for two to three years minimum and have NO IDEA of the terrain there. Any rolling hills at all?
Brett says:

Jan 22 2011 at 11:56 am

@Jim
Neal and Mount; classic porn names I'd say!