Anatomy of a Photo: Snowy Mountain Stages

Vittorio Adorni knew what Rule #9 really meant.

Vittorio Adorni taught Merckx how to manage himself during a Grand Tour. I wasn’t a part of any of those conversations, but I’m betting there were heavy conversations about not being a little bitch about bad weather, gravel roads, and high snowy mountain passes.

This photo proves the entire modern peloton needs a giant Rule #5 suppository.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Gordon says:

May 20 2016 at 2:00 pm

OK, long time reader, first time poster. Apologies for a seemingly off-topic post (although I'm sure Rule #5 will be invoked by some, which kind of fits with the photo). And honestly, I'm only writing this because I consider the readership of this website a 'safe space' to bring this up. That and the fact that the offending article (which I'll get to in a second) was recommended here in a post relating to shaving of one's legs.

Tomorrow I'll be taking part in the San Diego Century - 105 miles with over 7,000ft of climbing. Here's my problem.... I recently bought the Norelco Bodygroom 'male grooming' device, on the recommendation of several contributors. As someone endowed with more than enough hair (all over), I was keen to try it out.

Not content with maintaining my legs, last night I decided to venture 'further north', safe in the knowledge that others had blazed the trail and I had nothing to worry about. Then the inevitable happened. Over-enthusiastic application of said device led to a nasty nick in the worst possible location (the taint, in case you were unclear).

Now I face the prospect of attempting an Imperial ton with (at best) a sore arse, and (at worst) a DNF due to excruciating pain and bleeding rear-end. If anyone else is in San Diego, taking part in tomorrow's event, and sees someone on the side of the road crying and holding their backside in agony, that'll be me. Stop and say hi.
Teocalli says:

May 20 2016 at 2:21 pm

@Gordon

Welcome. Though forgive me but I'm not sure whether to wince or cry laughing.

They key that you missed of course was hidden in your line "recommended here in a post relating to shaving of one’s legs".
GordoGreatBelly says:

May 20 2016 at 2:34 pm

@Teocalli

Having read pretty much the entire back catalog of posts here at velominati.com, I deemed all the advice given here to be completely trustworthy.... Although I am very trusting as a rule.

Maybe tomorrow will serve as a valuable life lesson... I'll keep you posted
GordoGreatBelly says:

May 20 2016 at 2:36 pm

@Teocalli

And just to reinforce my lack of cognitive ability - I managed to set up my username incorrectly, hence the (now correct) handle.
chuckp says:

May 20 2016 at 2:53 pm

This.
GordoGreatBelly says:

May 20 2016 at 3:00 pm

@chuckp

Awesome pic. Especially the dude poking out the top of the Fiat in his single-breast coat, cig hanging out of his mouth. Casually deliberate, no?
stooge says:

May 25 2016 at 9:54 am

@Bruce Lee

+1 Frank. But it seems to me that the softness goes deeper than wussy bitching about the weather. Back in the day there was no index shifting, much less brifters, 10 speeds. Period. Inner rings were a 42, so you dealt with it. And if you were so unlucky to not have Campy brakes, you damn well learned to descend effectively.

Shifting? Inner rings? Those things would have seemed cool, but already soft, to the old timers. They changed their gearing manually, on the side of the road. They road 400km stages. The first Tour was won on a bike not with a relatively poor braking system, but no on-bike system at all. The application of sturdy footwear to crappy roads was the approach for these hard men.