Categories: Anatomy of a Photo

Anatomy of a Photo: The Bowels of Spectating

Perusing the Velominati Archives of Cycling Photos Liberated from the Interwebs (VACPLI), I stumbled across this little gem. I’m sure they are lovely people on the inside, but this photo showcases one of the most unflattering examples of spectators we find along the roadside of the Great Races. I’m not sure how you can be at the Queen Stage of the 2009 Tour – on the final climb no less – watching the key break led by three of the finest climbers in the world, and look quite so…constipated.

Here we have a misguided Euro hipster doing his best impression of an American Frat boy douchnozzle. Whomever decided it was cool to perch a baseball cap backwards and tilted like a yarmulke should be given a stern talking to. I can only assume this a strategy to protect the neck from flying debris. Unacceptable. Please review the three-point system immediately. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

The cap on what I’m guessing is a woman with unnecessarily wide shoulders letting out a Bantha call is really no better, but can be blamed on the Tour caravan that passes before the race and distributes this type of paraphernalia to fans whose judgement has been impaired by a combination of sun exposure, boredom, excitement, and copious quantities of alcohol. Nevertheless, those hats should be summarily incinerated, and all photographic evidence destroyed.

 

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • The giant sized jersey really brings it all together don't you think? as for the women/bantha, I don't see any teeth in that mouth.

  • i thought it was a TMZ moment w/ice ages 'sloth' peering from the side of the road next to his caisse-espargne hottie at the tour...but apparently not.

  • What about the VMH pulling off the Caisse d'Epargne kit and the 1950's Doris Day hat? She probably rode three fat slobs off her wheel up the climb all with a bottle of Dominio de Pingus and some Iberian embutidos in her jersey pockets.

  • Behind Alberto with the polka dot cap on, who is it?
    A. One of the Cory's
    B. A young Ricky Schroeder
    C. A Hanson
    D. A budding Velominatus who will one day climb like an Angel.

  • Harsh words lads! None of them look as ridiculous as the two skinny clones wearing the awful sunglasses who are riding up the hill ahaed of the race followed by the funny looking bloke in the yellow jumper. Bet they felt sick when the real race came through ;-)

    Seriously though, you wouldn't believe how aggressive spectators get about grabbing the free stuff, especially the really ill-fitting t-shirts and hats. It's no wonder they occasionally end up up under the race vehicles. I saw a full on punch up for a Telecom t-shirt during the prologue in London. Better than watching Wiggo!

  • I am always amazed at how close the spectators are allowed to the athletes at these races. It's sort of refreshing, really... especially when you attend an NBA game here in the states and you see the "security" people all over the floor during breaks, watching the crowd.

  • Marko:
    Behind Alberto with the polka dot cap on, who is it?
    A. One of the Cory's
    B. A young Ricky Schroeder
    C. A Hanson
    D. A budding Velominatus who will one day climb like an Angel.

    E.

  • I know we went all ape-shit over the sartorial splendor of the tifosi in one of the 1950's photos from a previous article, but I'll be damned if I can find it. Today's spectators are just daft.

    I know at this year's climbs, at least one of you in attendance will be dressed to the nines. You promised.

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