Anatomy of a Photo: Top Dog

...and now let me tell you about the time I made Roger cry.

I have it on excellent authority that life is good when you’re at the top. I myself am, of course, nowhere near the top but I felt a glimmer of it today, briefly savoring the unique palate of having some semblance of form in January. Which feels a lot like a victory over Christmas. And kicking Christmas’ ass feels pretty rad.

Then suddenly – and quite rudely, I might say – my rear axle broke, at which point the performance characteristics of my bicycle were diminished not unsubstantially. Our experience atop the peaks are brief; the journey we call life takes place primarily in the valleys and upon the slopes.

If life has taught me anything, it’s that you should feel free to grab the pompoms on any Marine’s hat anytime you please, particularly if you happen to be wearing a totally sick Molteni Alimentari jumper.

If you also happen to be Eddy Merckx and you recently had your sideburns oiled by your man-servant, then said Marines might not even celebrate your gesture by killing you.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next On Rules #26 and #65: Spring Theory »

Previous « The 2016 VVish List

View Comments

Ron says:

Jan 5 2016 at 9:03 am

Rear axle broke? While riding it? Did this cause a crash?

That sounds potentially very bad. And wondering what would cause an axle to break?
litvi says:

Jan 5 2016 at 2:14 pm

@Ron

Probably just went clickety-clink all the way home. This serious violation of the Principle of Silence could definitely be described as diminished performance, but let's not be too quick to place blame. If it's a lightweight axle, I'll give @frank a pass. But assuming he's riding Nine wheels, they probably have steel (read, "not rust-proof") axles, in which case further investigation of a potential Rule #65 violation is warranted.
Bruce Lee says:

Jan 5 2016 at 2:31 pm

@Ron

Frank pointed out that his form has been rounding up to a decent level, even for the post holiday, January thaw. When you have that level of power early, you don't feel the pedals. But you do break things, such as axles.

Chapeau, Frank!
frank says:

Jan 5 2016 at 2:38 pm

@Ron

Turns out it wasn't the axle but the inner bearing on the Chris King freehub exploded due to my crushing it so wicked hard. Bearings everywhere when Doug over at Branford Bike tore it apart.

I'm sure its just due to wear, but some breakages just make you feel tough!

Even if it was the axel, by the way, it really can't go anywhere if the quick release is closed tight, so you just ride home. In my case the breakage did loosen the hub and freehub along the axle so the wheel could move around by about 1cm in either direction. Made for goofy handling, that's for sure, but it was rideable enough. Like riding your cross bike in mud.
Philonius says:

Jan 5 2016 at 4:27 pm

What are they doing hanging around the "RUNNER'S WAITING ROOM"? 'Cause we know Eddy ain't no runner.
Joe Cline says:

Jan 5 2016 at 5:12 pm

Form in January? Lest thee be a cross specialist: "Small gears in January, big gears in June. Big gears in January, nothing in June."
wilburrox says:

Jan 5 2016 at 7:12 pm

@Joe Cline

Form in January? Lest thee be a cross specialist: “Small gears in January, big gears in June. Big gears in January, nothing in June.”

Thank you. Makes me feel better about my ride on Sunday!
litvi says:

Jan 5 2016 at 11:52 pm

@Philonius

"Racers' waiting room." Courir is to run, but faire la course is to race. Et quand-même, celui qui court pendant une course à vélo est un coureur.

Ou tu plaisantais?
litvi says:

Jan 6 2016 at 12:07 am

@frank

I’m sure its just due to wear, but some breakages just make you feel tough!

Rule #65! I knew it! So busted.

Although, I guess I can't throw stones. I once had to call a sibling from a golf course payphone for a ride home on account of a broken chain. This was many years ago, when I was lad, before multi-tools including pin drivers of course. Plus the payphone reference should lend a hint of 'back when' that absolves me to some extent.
the Engine says:

Jan 6 2016 at 2:29 am

@frank

@Ron

Turns out it wasn’t the axle but the inner bearing on the Chris King freehub exploded due to my crushing it so wicked hard. Bearings everywhere when Doug over at Branford Bike tore it apart.

I’m sure its just due to wear, but some breakages just make you feel tough!

Even if it was the axel, by the way, it really can’t go anywhere if the quick release is closed tight, so you just ride home. In my case the breakage did loosen the hub and freehub along the axle so the wheel could move around by about 1cm in either direction. Made for goofy handling, that’s for sure, but it was rideable enough. Like riding your cross bike in mud.

Only time I've ever had to climb into the broom wagon was when my DTSwiss freehub exploded on the (somewhat inaccurately named) "Ride With Brad" a couple of years back. As I recall, whilst discussing it on this site, it was pointed out to me by @frank that there were two obvious causes of mechanical failure: 1) I was a fat bastard 2) I was riding in a sportive. @frank - given you weren't riding a sportive what's your story?