Categories: Book Review

Book Review: Racing Weight

The Underwear Gnome Plan To Weightloss

I know it’s a bit misleading to call this article a “Book Review”, but “Book Review” soundsbetter than “Jump To Conclusions After Reading One Chapter and Publish Those Conclusions”.

Like most cyclists, I suffer from the belief that I’m overweight (I am).  In a world of rising obesity, I am thrown strange glances and receive accusations of “being anorexic” from my colleagues when I comment that I won’t have a cookie or slice of Birthday cake because I’m trying to lose some weight.  The fact is, despite being generally thinner and fitter than the average citizen, cyclists suffer from the same self-image problems that everyone else does.  Not only that, we struggle to lose weight just as much as our non-athletic friends.

Athletes generally lose weight through piling on more miles – a theory based on Physics and the wonderfully useful principle known as The Conservation of Mass; what goes in goes out and if you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. (The Conservation of Mass is actually our best friend; it’s behind almost everything that makes bicycling possible and also being out of shape incredibly frustrating).  Owing to this simple theory, it’s generally unsurprising that there are very few diet programs for amateur athletes and as such I was thrilled to pick up a copy of “Racing Weight“, by Matt Fitzgerald, a book seeming written for just this audience.  I prepared to read it and readied myself to lose those last few (dozen) pounds.

I found the book very disappointing.  What I’m gleaning is that in order to loose weight I should “eat right,  “eat less”, “train more”, and – worst of all – “stop drinking like a fish”.  Not only that, but the book insists that I should diligently collect data on my training, diet, and weight and track it over several training cycles in order to even understand what my ideal weight might be in the first place.  Basically, by the time Winter sets in again and I’m ready to eat turkey and drink Scotch from the bottle, I’ll have some idea as to how fat I really am.

I’ll be honest: that’s not really the program I’m looking for. I was looking more for the program where I get to eat Cadbury Eggs, chips and salsa, and watch clever videos on the internet while dropping weight like a heroin addict with giardia and at the same time not losing muscle mass (it would even be nice if this diet even helped me gain some).  Isn’t there something I can inject or a pill to make myself a better cyclist? Come on, Matt, I’m getting tired of unhelpful authors.

And with that, I’m left with no option but to stick to my usual plan of eating hamburgers, drinking beer, and spending loads of money on lighter cycling equipment in lieu of losing weight.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @Frank
    Toe clip training for Jake will be accomplished at the same time he learns to track stand...no handed...whilst rolling a joint. I may throw a few loose floor tacks around the bike to focus his concentration.

    Regarding 3d Fitness, I've been pushing the boundaries this evening and will post in more detail tomorrow. I will require several pints and some pie related products for lunch before the program is finished. It's been gruelling but nothing worthwhile comes easy.

    I imagine N.Carolina must be at the frontline of the eternal battle against slow cooked swine derivatives. Tough work.

  • frank :@Rob
    Actually, contemplating a Forth of July East Coast Extravaganza!

    It is ON!! I will be at my summer training camp (read the ranch house in the deep woods on a lonely country road), and you and the beautiful Ms. have an open invitation to come and bust yer legs in the hills of the Columbia/Northern Dutchess County, NY-MA-CT, Tri State area. The views of the distant Catskill and Taconic/Berkshire mountains are stunning.

    Perhaps I will have peaked enough to revive the "Legendary 10 Hill Route" a 100km leg breaker that includes infamous climbs like McGee Hill @19%, Schultz Hill @16% etc. etc. The boyez and I have not done it in 10 years so it would be a great excuse!

  • @frank @Rob
    Douché on Rule 5!

    ++1

    DOUCHE - What a great word!

    @Joe
    Joe when my wife throws me out can I come and work at the 3D FLC? You just threw in some skills I happen to have perfected long, long ago and I know I could be a great role model for the students. . .

  • There is, of course, the occasional cyclist who, through extensive prior demonstration of adherence to Rule 5, has earned the lifetime right to wear lycra whhatever weight he may choose to be -

  • @Geof

    the occasional cyclist who, through extensive prior demonstration of adherence to Rule 5

    I beg to differ; not prior demonstration of but more like a fucking Founding Father! Dude pretty much laid the groundwork for all the Rules.

  • frank :
    I beg to differ; not prior demonstration of but more like a fucking Founding Father! Dude pretty much laid the groundwork for all the Rules.

    I concur. My earlier post showed insufficient regard for the seminal (settle, boys) role of The Legend in relation to The Rules. This was unintentional. I apologize unconditionally.

    And I think should have said "one" rather than "the occasional".

  • @Marko
    Right on! (You are the master at recognizing this shit.)

    If I were to venture a guess, I would think the conversation started something like this:

    Eddy [pointing at the guy he's fixing]: G'Day. How the fuck are ya? This is a little pussy who dies his hair white because he has to compensate for breaking Rule 45 and Rule 46. Harden the Fuck Up, little pussy! Now let me retrieve the allen set I've been carrying around non-stop since the introductory scenes of "A Sunday In Hell" and fix your bike, little pussy!

  • @Dan O
    Would but for the honor of having that happen, I would die happily. He would just sit there, atop is orange bike, and say, "Here, this is how you go fast. Like this." And then take off and be confused that we got dropped.

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