Categories: Breaking The RulesDefining MomentsLa Vie Velominatus

Drive Side/Non-Drive Side

Hey guys, we're turning non-drive now.

I have a hard time with labels, which is why I am terrible at remembering people’s names. I remember the person and the conversation, but I rarely remember their name; the person had meaning, the label did not. I also can’t tell my left from my right which similarly feel like labels for “this way” or “that way”. For me to remember which is which, I generally have to imagine which hand I write with, and then I’m off to the races. Usually several hundred meters after the turn I was supposed to take.

With alarming frequency, some bright spark will remind me of the childhood trick to distinguish the directions: your left hand makes an ‘L’. I’m also dyslexic, so both hands look like an ‘L’. I just wind up standing about with my hands in front of me as though I’m trying to frame a photograph.

This problem is not uncommon, but it nevertheless presents a bit of a challenge on group rides, especially with new riding partners. The old sages have all been been issued the “Frank Manual” and are normally briefed on any revisions to the manual in case they hold an outdated edition. As a matter of necessity, newcomers are generally given the crash course on my directional challenges on-demand. “Crash” being used here more figuratively than literally, but I am compelled to report that the record is not perfect in this regard.

I’ve ridden with @Haldy several times, but only on Cogals where the dynamics of the group dictate something less than a 1:1 dependency on riders being able to perform this basic skill we typically master as a child. This weekend was different; @Haldy and I headed out for our first training ride together, a jaunty 4-5 hour spin about the northern Seattle suburbs and country roads. We had hardly left the house before my weakness was exposed.

Haldy: Left at the stop sign.

Frank: Oh, you should know I can’t tell my right from left, and I’m dyslexic, in case you have a clever childhood trick to suggest.

Haldy: [without missing a beat] Turn to the non-drive side.

And just like that, he solved the riddle.

Therapy by Cyclists should be a thing. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Owen says:

Mar 14 2016 at 8:05 pm

@Harminator

@brett

@Neil

Or you could just remember what other tasks you do, other than writing, with each hand. You know, tasks that you would have performed with great frequency. And at formative ages…

We’re dealing with a special case here…

How’s it hangin?

Drive side.

That's it, thread over. Dogs are looking at me funny now.
Ccos says:

Mar 15 2016 at 5:08 am

"Therapy by Cyclists should be a thing." Yes, well those would be quick sessions: mostly telling folks to HTFU.
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 15 2016 at 5:10 am

@Harminator

WTF moments on KT15:

William: “Left here”

Alex goes straight

Frank turns right

Fuckin PURE Gold right here, Mate! PURE Gold.
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 15 2016 at 5:13 am

@Matt

Directional challenges aside, was anyone else screaming at their television/computer during the final 10k of Strade Bianche? What a race. Brambilla rode like a mad dog.

Don't get me started. FUCK that was painful! I really love Stybar and the CX background he brings to the race, I have a special ... almost dirty-Schleck love for Sagan and Brambilla was just carving his own guts out for his team that day like a Samurai maintaining the clan honour ... and then there was Sparty. You can guess which ones I was cheering for.

I'm lucky my VMH was able to get ahold of me right at the end or there would have been one less computer live-streaming the races in my house this Spring!
mike casselton says:

Mar 15 2016 at 5:19 am

@hudson

we all have our handicaps @frank. However, I know a pretty good tattoo artist out on the left coast if you want a permanent fix.

@Hudson,

With the dyslexia, he could still end up on the wrong coast in NYC or Boston.

I say mark the tops of their hoods and toes of their shoes. Maybe their gloves. ... Garanamals for adults
mulebeatsdrums says:

Mar 15 2016 at 5:33 am
I love the idea of "therapy by cyclists". I actually first became interested in our beautiful sport as a result of therapy (or the cause of it):
1. I was seeing a therapist for chronic depression and anxiety (with which I still suffer, but thankfully not nearly as badly at the time), and both my therapist and my academic mentor (I was at university at the time) suggest I do some more sport/exercise.
2. During a particularly bad couple of weeks in July 2013, I was lying prone on the floor, flicking through TV channels and thought I'd 'see what all the fuss about that Tour de France thing was about'. Granted, it wasn't the most exciting of races, and I've since watched footage dating back decades that are infinitely better to watch, but it was a gateway nonetheless.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
mulebeatsdrums says:

Mar 15 2016 at 5:37 am

@BaltoSteve

First race is Milano–San Remo this Sunday, so probably Friday I'd imagine.
wiscot says:

Mar 15 2016 at 6:56 am

@Andrea Tetrault

I’m afraid I am similarly challenged. My childhood trick goes back to second grade, standing in my parents’ living room practicing a Mexican folk dance for an upcoming concert at the school. The dance started with a step forward with the left foot, which happened to be the foot closest to the picture window in the living room. Needless to say, this mental cue, while rock solid, is rather cumbersome in tight situations – like when passing other riders, for example. The combination of being passed, plus being passed on the opposite side one is expecting, tends to make people a little cross. Perhaps my cheerful sombrero lessens the sting.

The drive side vs. non-drive side method is so much simpler. Brilliant.

Welcome! Three questions: does the sombrero go over or under your helmet? Is it UCI approved? Does it match the rest of your kit? As Velominati, these are critical questions . . .
wiscot says:

Mar 15 2016 at 6:58 am
@mulebeatsdrums
I love the idea of “therapy by cyclists”. I actually first became interested in our beautiful sport as a result of therapy (or the cause of it):
1. I was seeing a therapist for chronic depression and anxiety (with which I still suffer, but thankfully not nearly as badly at the time), and both my therapist and my academic mentor (I was at university at the time) suggest I do some more sport/exercise.
2. During a particularly bad couple of weeks in July 2013, I was lying prone on the floor, flicking through TV channels and thought I’d ‘see what all the fuss about that Tour de France thing was about’. Granted, it wasn’t the most exciting of races, and I’ve since watched footage dating back decades that are infinitely better to watch, but it was a gateway nonetheless.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Thanks for sharing. I think you'll find many Velominati spend $$$ on bikes and related stuff that might otherwise go for therapist bills. I know that when I had an insanely stressful 2012 and 2013 it was the bike that allowed me to cope.
frank says:

Mar 15 2016 at 8:41 am

@Harminator

WTF moments on KT15:

William: “Left here”

Alex goes straight

Frank turns right

Followed by William:

"Oh you fooking konts! You're useless, both of youse!"