Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

Frank climbs at 9,000 feet on Haleakala. Photo: Elizabeth Keller

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch a sideways glimpse of a twisty ribbon of road from an airplane window or spot a lump on the horizon before my mind starts wandering towards what suffering may be hidden there.

And that may be the key to it, it’s very easy to suffer on the climbs. Fighting the acceleration of gravity means that even by riding at a constant speed up a climb, we’re effectively accelerating our mass along the gradient. In my case, that’s a lot of mass, and in Haleaka’s case, its a lot of gradient aggregated over a lot of distance.

My love affair with this particular mountain started the same way my first elementary school crush did; I approached and was summarily rejected. I returned half a year later with the dual goal of not cracking completely and setting a high (low?) water mark for future attempts. Eighteen months on, in reasonable condition and at a reasonable weight given the human urge during the cold winter months of eating foods consisting of meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes and serving them over meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes.

My training allowed me to ride at threshold for 3 and a half hours; a statistic which supports what makes Haleakala such a unique effort. No other ride affords the rider the opportunity to suffer so comprehensively and without respite. The last ten minutes of the effort were an anaerobic patchwork of pain and agony. The winds kicked up as I worked my way up the mountain, serving to amplify both my suffering and my fatigue. Wind is a cruel thing; you push hard into it in a vain effort to maintain your speed, and as you do it saps your strength and more quickly depletes The V-Stores tucked away in your body. To say nothing of your morale.

Riding Haleakala without cracking is one thing; to ride it with the intent of setting a personal best is another thing entirely. Even despite my feather-light Cafe Roubaix Haleakala wheelset, I came up short of my personal goal of 3:30, but thankfully the high winds on the day have strengthened my belief that with proper planning I can achieve that goal.

I will return. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

Video: (Also available in QuickTime)

If you can’t take watching a 10 minute video, skip to about 7 minutes in for some good suffer footage.

Photos:

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Haleakala IIV/”/]

Strava:

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Outstanding ride Frank ! The end told the story when you let out every last ounce of "V" in your body, A proud moment, I couldn't think of a better way to kick off the new year but with good friends and family to share in the love and pain we have for cycling.

  • Awesome. Everything about the spirit of it was capital "F" FUN in the best and sickest sense of how great a certain kind of suffering can be. Chapeau.

  • Impressive, Frank! Seeing picture #1 up there, gotta ask, did your seat post grow again?! My word, man, it's like a viagra advert. Cheers, mate!

  • Yeah everything in that first paragraph (except the 2 metres bit, I'm only a normal 183cms) rings extremely true for yours truly. Kudos on an a brilliant effort, wouldn't mind hearing a little more on how seriously you're now taking training for these jaunts. 1st impressions on viewing photos only:

    Velomidoggie looks extremely avvesome

    They appear to be custom coloured Radarlocks you're rocking there Frank, can you confirm?

    I have to do this someday!

  • This is gold, Frank. Great work, thanks for sharing. Makes me proud to wear the same kitte.

    I return now to a second helping of meat and potatoes over my dessert of cream sauce and meat with potatoes.

  • If you had eaten loco moco for breakfast you would have shattered 3:30.  Next time perhaps.

  • You should have taken Gianni's advice and saved a few grams by wearing flip flops.

    Also, Rule 55 means that all that climbing has earned you the right to hop on a DH bike and bomb down the mountain.

  • @Nate

    If you had eaten loco moco for breakfast you would have shattered 3:30. Next time perhaps.

    That's a good point. I better introduce him to that before he goes. Loco Moco

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