Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

Frank climbs at 9,000 feet on Haleakala. Photo: Elizabeth Keller

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch a sideways glimpse of a twisty ribbon of road from an airplane window or spot a lump on the horizon before my mind starts wandering towards what suffering may be hidden there.

And that may be the key to it, it’s very easy to suffer on the climbs. Fighting the acceleration of gravity means that even by riding at a constant speed up a climb, we’re effectively accelerating our mass along the gradient. In my case, that’s a lot of mass, and in Haleaka’s case, its a lot of gradient aggregated over a lot of distance.

My love affair with this particular mountain started the same way my first elementary school crush did; I approached and was summarily rejected. I returned half a year later with the dual goal of not cracking completely and setting a high (low?) water mark for future attempts. Eighteen months on, in reasonable condition and at a reasonable weight given the human urge during the cold winter months of eating foods consisting of meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes and serving them over meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes.

My training allowed me to ride at threshold for 3 and a half hours; a statistic which supports what makes Haleakala such a unique effort. No other ride affords the rider the opportunity to suffer so comprehensively and without respite. The last ten minutes of the effort were an anaerobic patchwork of pain and agony. The winds kicked up as I worked my way up the mountain, serving to amplify both my suffering and my fatigue. Wind is a cruel thing; you push hard into it in a vain effort to maintain your speed, and as you do it saps your strength and more quickly depletes The V-Stores tucked away in your body. To say nothing of your morale.

Riding Haleakala without cracking is one thing; to ride it with the intent of setting a personal best is another thing entirely. Even despite my feather-light Cafe Roubaix Haleakala wheelset, I came up short of my personal goal of 3:30, but thankfully the high winds on the day have strengthened my belief that with proper planning I can achieve that goal.

I will return. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

Video: (Also available in QuickTime)

If you can’t take watching a 10 minute video, skip to about 7 minutes in for some good suffer footage.

Photos:

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Haleakala IIV/”/]

Strava:

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Frank

    Jimi salutes you:

    Well, I stand up next to a mountain 
    And I chop it down with the edge of my hand 
    Well, I pick up all the pieces and make an island 
    Might even raise a little sand 

  • @Gianni

    @Nate

    If you had eaten loco moco for breakfast you would have shattered 3:30. Next time perhaps.

    That's a good point. I better introduce him to that before he goes. Loco Moco

    Probably even more important would have been to eat....@Frank the sign at 3:45 on the video saying "No Food, No Gas" is not an instruction, you need to eat on shit like that, and if the urge to relieve yourself of some hot air takes you, just let it go brother!

    When I scrolled down to the map at first glance I thought you had ridden across half the volcanoes in South America, closer inspection though revealed it was just one and was in the middle of the Pacific, but nevertheless the achievement is in no way diminished.

    Awesome effort....and inspiring.

  • @zeitzmar

    Is there some sort of V-filter on the French internet?

    Yes - language rules mean that it has to be pronounced and/or written as "Le Cinq".

    It's also important to note that outside France no one rides a bike properly so pictures of people attempting to do so (particularly those of tall 'Merkins near pineapples) may irreparably damage French culture and are thus banned.

  • Frank, Gianni, what you boys (and the lassies) have captured causes weeks of anticipation, shear joy for the shits and giggles during, and a mountain of respect for the guts and glory gained by not only training and commiting to do it not once, not twice but trois times!

    There has to be talk of doing this annually? How about as a cogal - I know there are three of us who would turn up?

    Thank you for the shared journey, I feel, again like I have been up the mountain too.

  • @zeitzmar I seem to remember some people had that issue with the first film, it has something to do with the rights to the music that's used to soundtrack the video...

  • Applause,

    Hearty Applause.

    Makes me feel a little ashamed that I couldn't be arsed to cycle 33k to work at 0645 in the pitch black in pissing rain this morning.

    Bloody amazing Frank.

  • Respect to the Dumbness of this Frank!  And for beating your time.  Chapeau.  I bet you went about your dumbness in an intelligent way and would be interested to know how you paced yourself for the full ascent?

    From watching the video, particularly at 7:27, I believe there is some cheating involved and Tommy V actually rode the last 1/3 whilst disguised as Frank???

Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

8 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

8 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

8 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

8 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

8 years ago