Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

Frank climbs at 9,000 feet on Haleakala. Photo: Elizabeth Keller

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch a sideways glimpse of a twisty ribbon of road from an airplane window or spot a lump on the horizon before my mind starts wandering towards what suffering may be hidden there.

And that may be the key to it, it’s very easy to suffer on the climbs. Fighting the acceleration of gravity means that even by riding at a constant speed up a climb, we’re effectively accelerating our mass along the gradient. In my case, that’s a lot of mass, and in Haleaka’s case, its a lot of gradient aggregated over a lot of distance.

My love affair with this particular mountain started the same way my first elementary school crush did; I approached and was summarily rejected. I returned half a year later with the dual goal of not cracking completely and setting a high (low?) water mark for future attempts. Eighteen months on, in reasonable condition and at a reasonable weight given the human urge during the cold winter months of eating foods consisting of meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes and serving them over meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes.

My training allowed me to ride at threshold for 3 and a half hours; a statistic which supports what makes Haleakala such a unique effort. No other ride affords the rider the opportunity to suffer so comprehensively and without respite. The last ten minutes of the effort were an anaerobic patchwork of pain and agony. The winds kicked up as I worked my way up the mountain, serving to amplify both my suffering and my fatigue. Wind is a cruel thing; you push hard into it in a vain effort to maintain your speed, and as you do it saps your strength and more quickly depletes The V-Stores tucked away in your body. To say nothing of your morale.

Riding Haleakala without cracking is one thing; to ride it with the intent of setting a personal best is another thing entirely. Even despite my feather-light Cafe Roubaix Haleakala wheelset, I came up short of my personal goal of 3:30, but thankfully the high winds on the day have strengthened my belief that with proper planning I can achieve that goal.

I will return. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

Video: (Also available in QuickTime)

If you can’t take watching a 10 minute video, skip to about 7 minutes in for some good suffer footage.

Photos:

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Haleakala IIV/”/]

Strava:

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Barracuda

    Well first point of order is to tell whoever runs Strava that the bottom line on the screen is wrong .... "There are no achievements on this ride "

    I call Bullshit ..... doing that for 3+hours is indeed quite an achievement regardless of best times or not .... I say "poo" to you Mr Strava.

    I, like you Frank, love to climb, but my brain writes cheques that my body cant cash sadly ...

    +1 on writing cheques that your body can't cash.  Sometimes its the only way to force progress. This year I've sent the checks for trips to the Stelvio and two metric centuries (gasp, preceded by a swim and followed by a run).  I would welcome any thoughts on training.  I've started step one with just ride the bike more, but the lack of altitude and the shortness of the climbs in Belgium have me worried...

    Thanks Frank for setting the example on day 1.  Looking forward to what mayhem and pain 2013 will bring.

  • @Rob

    @Barracuda

    Well first point of order is to tell whoever runs Strava that the bottom line on the screen is wrong .... "There are no achievements on this ride "

    I call Bullshit ..... doing that for 3+hours is indeed quite an achievement regardless of best times or not .... I say "poo" to you Mr Strava.

    I, like you Frank, love to climb, but my brain writes cheques that my body cant cash sadly ...

    +1 on writing cheques that your body can't cash. Sometimes its the only way to force progress. This year I've sent the checks for trips to the Stelvio and two metric centuries (gasp, preceded by a swim and followed by a run). I would welcome any thoughts on training. I've started step one with just ride the bike more, but the lack of altitude and the shortness of the climbs in Belgium have me worried...

    Thanks Frank for setting the example on day 1. Looking forward to what mayhem and pain 2013 will bring.

    I started some HIIT (high intensity interval training) today and I can say if fucking hurts....I thought I left the army to get away from this shit but as they say "what goes around comes around".  I suspect the intense max efforts would do you good, the aim being to increase power and expand the lungs and get your heart used to working at a higher level of intensity/capacity.

    This was in cyclist this last month and I am using it as a starter....what ever you do, don't try training with a bag over your head to replicate oxygen debt....it is V dangerous!!!

    and as for brains writing cheques that bodies can't cash.....I live there!

  • @Gianni

    @Nate

    If you had eaten loco moco for breakfast you would have shattered 3:30. Next time perhaps.

    That's a good point. I better introduce him to that before he goes. Loco Moco

    Yes, training will be necessary.

  • I see a tradition starting for the Velominati - not riding with Fronk but lining the Route of Pain each year.  Well done.  I also like how the saddle in the top picture looks like a fighter jet.

  • @Rob

    +1 on writing cheques that your body can't cash. Sometimes its the only way to force progress. This year I've sent the checks for trips to the Stelvio and two metric centuries (gasp, preceded by a swim and followed by a run). I would welcome any thoughts on training. I've started step one with just ride the bike more, but the lack of altitude and the shortness of the climbs in Belgium have me worried...

    Thanks Frank for setting the example on day 1. Looking forward to what mayhem and pain 2013 will bring.

    Hi Rob,

    I feel like I am talking to my alter ego?

    On the stepping up on the training with a lack of proper hills on the horizon... Simples:

    Increase duration - Increase effort

    Or both and have fun.

    Rob

    P.S. stop breaking Rule #42 and you'll have much more fun!

  • Kudos to you Frank, 3.30 next time then!

    Although I'm 183cm and 100kg it's the climbing I like the most as well, although the climbs round here are shorter but lots of them and they are quite steep.

    Started training for my first sportive as well, got an appointment with 80 miles early May and then 100 mid June. I suspect though that me losing weight will be waaaaaay cheaper than carbon wheels!

  • I have never understood the penchant by V-heretics to violate rule 55. While descents can be thrilling, I honestly enjoy the climbing more. I feel far more in control, and perhaps more importantly, I feel like I can actually take in the bike ride. Sure, we can attack and rachet up the effort into the Pain Cave, and exclude the visually stimulating view if we choose, but climbing affords me the ability *look around.* Mountain roads are some of the nicest terrain to enjoy - why rush past them?

    I am looking forward to seeing @frank post his power meter profile. Wait...what?

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