Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

Frank climbs at 9,000 feet on Haleakala. Photo: Elizabeth Keller

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch a sideways glimpse of a twisty ribbon of road from an airplane window or spot a lump on the horizon before my mind starts wandering towards what suffering may be hidden there.

And that may be the key to it, it’s very easy to suffer on the climbs. Fighting the acceleration of gravity means that even by riding at a constant speed up a climb, we’re effectively accelerating our mass along the gradient. In my case, that’s a lot of mass, and in Haleaka’s case, its a lot of gradient aggregated over a lot of distance.

My love affair with this particular mountain started the same way my first elementary school crush did; I approached and was summarily rejected. I returned half a year later with the dual goal of not cracking completely and setting a high (low?) water mark for future attempts. Eighteen months on, in reasonable condition and at a reasonable weight given the human urge during the cold winter months of eating foods consisting of meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes and serving them over meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes.

My training allowed me to ride at threshold for 3 and a half hours; a statistic which supports what makes Haleakala such a unique effort. No other ride affords the rider the opportunity to suffer so comprehensively and without respite. The last ten minutes of the effort were an anaerobic patchwork of pain and agony. The winds kicked up as I worked my way up the mountain, serving to amplify both my suffering and my fatigue. Wind is a cruel thing; you push hard into it in a vain effort to maintain your speed, and as you do it saps your strength and more quickly depletes The V-Stores tucked away in your body. To say nothing of your morale.

Riding Haleakala without cracking is one thing; to ride it with the intent of setting a personal best is another thing entirely. Even despite my feather-light Cafe Roubaix Haleakala wheelset, I came up short of my personal goal of 3:30, but thankfully the high winds on the day have strengthened my belief that with proper planning I can achieve that goal.

I will return. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

Video: (Also available in QuickTime)

If you can’t take watching a 10 minute video, skip to about 7 minutes in for some good suffer footage.

Photos:

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Haleakala IIV/”/]

Strava:

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Rob

    Frank, Gianni, what you boys (and the lassies) have captured causes weeks of anticipation, shear joy for the shits and giggles during, and a mountain of respect for the guts and glory gained by not only training and commiting to do it not once, not twice but trois times!

    This.

    Congrats, Frank, on a monumental effort. Great stuff. It goes without saying that I assume you must have two more rides left in you. Because that would be apt.

    Also, too, nice product placement of a certain Boston-derived bidon early on in the video. Was using the same one the other day (thanks @roger).

  • @frank

    @Gianni

    @Nate

    If you had eaten loco moco for breakfast you would have shattered 3:30. Next time perhaps.

    That's a good point. I better introduce him to that before he goes. Loco Moco

    That looks fucking fantastic. Is that something we have on the Hana drive? Looks familiar.

    Roughly, it's white rice, topped with a hamburger patty, topped with brown gravy, topped with eggs.  Brilliant concoction.

  • @frank

    @Leroy

    Epic effort Frank! What gearing were you running?

    39×25; You could do it on a 42 and gain a bit of mechanical advantage, but the 39×25 definitely got used, the little devil.

    I thought you looked like you could use more gears there at the end.

  • @frank

    Really good staff mate! You too Gianni. Being a DS these days is a hard task plus standing by the road in the wind... You live in a nice place though.What's it like?

    Hey Frank did you enjoy riding Veloflex tubulars?How did they feel?

  • Way to go, Frank! I really enjoy the fact that while the rest of 'em are making New Year resolutions you are putting on yer chaps and climbing the Volcano. No better way to set the mood for the year than to make declarations with actions.

    DS Gianni - a Fit with a Campagnolo bumper sticker? Sweet as!!

  • well done. the end of the video must qualify as V moment of the year,and its only january.

  • @frank

    @Rob, @all

    Thanks to everyone for their kind encouragement. Its a lot of fun putting this out there and making this a weird group thing. I feel like I'm suffering for you assholes too.

    And @Rob, I hold you largely responsible for this obsession of mine.

    Yes you are! And our A-holes appreciate it... Remind me (off line if that's more comfortable?) why I'm to blame??

  • Great job, Frank. Good thing there were lots of plush chunks of "magma" to rest on at the top!!

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