Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

Frank climbs at 9,000 feet on Haleakala. Photo: Elizabeth Keller

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch a sideways glimpse of a twisty ribbon of road from an airplane window or spot a lump on the horizon before my mind starts wandering towards what suffering may be hidden there.

And that may be the key to it, it’s very easy to suffer on the climbs. Fighting the acceleration of gravity means that even by riding at a constant speed up a climb, we’re effectively accelerating our mass along the gradient. In my case, that’s a lot of mass, and in Haleaka’s case, its a lot of gradient aggregated over a lot of distance.

My love affair with this particular mountain started the same way my first elementary school crush did; I approached and was summarily rejected. I returned half a year later with the dual goal of not cracking completely and setting a high (low?) water mark for future attempts. Eighteen months on, in reasonable condition and at a reasonable weight given the human urge during the cold winter months of eating foods consisting of meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes and serving them over meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes.

My training allowed me to ride at threshold for 3 and a half hours; a statistic which supports what makes Haleakala such a unique effort. No other ride affords the rider the opportunity to suffer so comprehensively and without respite. The last ten minutes of the effort were an anaerobic patchwork of pain and agony. The winds kicked up as I worked my way up the mountain, serving to amplify both my suffering and my fatigue. Wind is a cruel thing; you push hard into it in a vain effort to maintain your speed, and as you do it saps your strength and more quickly depletes The V-Stores tucked away in your body. To say nothing of your morale.

Riding Haleakala without cracking is one thing; to ride it with the intent of setting a personal best is another thing entirely. Even despite my feather-light Cafe Roubaix Haleakala wheelset, I came up short of my personal goal of 3:30, but thankfully the high winds on the day have strengthened my belief that with proper planning I can achieve that goal.

I will return. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

Video: (Also available in QuickTime)

If you can’t take watching a 10 minute video, skip to about 7 minutes in for some good suffer footage.

Photos:

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Haleakala IIV/”/]

Strava:

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @eightzero

    I have never understood the penchant by V-heretics to violate Rule #55. While descents can be thrilling, I honestly enjoy the climbing more. I feel far more in control, and perhaps more importantly, I feel like I can actually take in the bike ride. Sure, we can attack and rachet up the effort into the Pain Cave, and exclude the visually stimulating view if we choose, but climbing affords me the ability *look around.* Mountain roads are some of the nicest terrain to enjoy - why rush past them?

    I am looking forward to seeing @frank post his power meter profile. Wait...what?

    Following my research on @Marko's comment I think there may be an exemption available for Rule #55 but only if your name is Roberta Mancino and you do it naked...

  • @roger@zeitzmar

    The nearest I can figure out is BMG is claiming copyright (correctly) on some music in the video and have blocked Mobile viewing and content from some locations. I'll have to see what I can do about that...

    @Mikael Liddy

    They appear to be custom coloured Radarlocks you're rocking there Frank, can you confirm?

    Indeed, Mr. Eagle Eye. A little XMas present from the missus. Photo sensitive lenses look as fantastic as they work. My only complaint is they have a different lens interface than do the old Radars, so I can't interchange those lenses.

  • Great work Frank. I cannot imagine the suffering you went through. 3 hours is usually enough of a ride for me! Never mind 3+ hours of climbing.

  • @piwakawaka

    Love your work, anyone else to chase up the hill? Nothing like a target up the road to reel in...

    There were a handful of people out, but no one riding close enough to our start and pace to interfere with. Plus, I think on this mountain, with that elevation, it would be suicide.

  • @Russ M

    Outstanding ride Frank ! The end told the story when you let out every last ounce of "V" in your body, A proud moment, I couldn't think of a better way to kick off the new year but with good friends and family to share in the love and pain we have for cycling.

    The end is a real bastard. You're empty already, and then it kicks up to what feels like something in the 20's but is more likely the teens. A nice little way to scrape the bottom from the barrel!

    @Leroy

    Epic effort Frank! What gearing were you running?

    39x25; You could do it on a 42 and gain a bit of mechanical advantage, but the 39x25 definitely got used, the little devil.

  • @Gianni

    @Nate

    If you had eaten loco moco for breakfast you would have shattered 3:30. Next time perhaps.

    That's a good point. I better introduce him to that before he goes. Loco Moco

    That looks fucking fantastic. Is that something we have on the Hana drive? Looks familiar.

  • @Rob, @all

    Thanks to everyone for their kind encouragement. Its a lot of fun putting this out there and making this a weird group thing. I feel like I'm suffering for you assholes too.

    And @Rob, I hold you largely responsible for this obsession of mine.

  • @the _farmer

    Kudos to you Frank, 3.30 next time then!

    Although I'm 183cm and 100kg it's the climbing I like the most as well, although the climbs round here are shorter but lots of them and they are quite steep.

    Started training for my first sportive as well, got an appointment with 80 miles early May and then 100 mid June. I suspect though that me losing weight will be waaaaaay cheaper than carbon wheels!

    Yes, but lighter wheels are easier to fit into your lifestyle!

    I ride to work (45km each way) with a backpack. Indeed it reminds one why Cyclists like to lose weight before climbing big mountains. Take it one step at a time and don't try to lose any of it too quickly. Train hard, watch what you eat, and it will happen.

  • @eightzero

    I have never understood the penchant by V-heretics to violate Rule #55. While descents can be thrilling, I honestly enjoy the climbing more. I feel far more in control, and perhaps more importantly, I feel like I can actually take in the bike ride. Sure, we can attack and rachet up the effort into the Pain Cave, and exclude the visually stimulating view if we choose, but climbing affords me the ability *look around.* Mountain roads are some of the nicest terrain to enjoy - why rush past them?

    I agree. A great descent is a beautiful thing, but I've spent enough time in emergency rooms to know that the thrill of a fast descent does not outweigh the consequences. The tour guides here take people up on bikes with fucking coaster brakes.

    I am looking forward to seeing @frank post his power meter profile. Wait...what?

    Oh, my power output was exactly what someone my size should have. V.

  • Was able to get a look at the viddy this morning.  You nailed it bud.  The way you toppled off the bike at the finish is proof.  We know how much you love your #1, and to watch you go down like that, sure sign you were gassed.  And Beth, poor Beth, she just wanted you out of the street!  If I had your wife "encouraging" me up a climb, I'm sure I'd go run in a corner and cry.  Well done Fellas

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