Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

Frank climbs at 9,000 feet on Haleakala. Photo: Elizabeth Keller

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch a sideways glimpse of a twisty ribbon of road from an airplane window or spot a lump on the horizon before my mind starts wandering towards what suffering may be hidden there.

And that may be the key to it, it’s very easy to suffer on the climbs. Fighting the acceleration of gravity means that even by riding at a constant speed up a climb, we’re effectively accelerating our mass along the gradient. In my case, that’s a lot of mass, and in Haleaka’s case, its a lot of gradient aggregated over a lot of distance.

My love affair with this particular mountain started the same way my first elementary school crush did; I approached and was summarily rejected. I returned half a year later with the dual goal of not cracking completely and setting a high (low?) water mark for future attempts. Eighteen months on, in reasonable condition and at a reasonable weight given the human urge during the cold winter months of eating foods consisting of meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes and serving them over meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes.

My training allowed me to ride at threshold for 3 and a half hours; a statistic which supports what makes Haleakala such a unique effort. No other ride affords the rider the opportunity to suffer so comprehensively and without respite. The last ten minutes of the effort were an anaerobic patchwork of pain and agony. The winds kicked up as I worked my way up the mountain, serving to amplify both my suffering and my fatigue. Wind is a cruel thing; you push hard into it in a vain effort to maintain your speed, and as you do it saps your strength and more quickly depletes The V-Stores tucked away in your body. To say nothing of your morale.

Riding Haleakala without cracking is one thing; to ride it with the intent of setting a personal best is another thing entirely. Even despite my feather-light Cafe Roubaix Haleakala wheelset, I came up short of my personal goal of 3:30, but thankfully the high winds on the day have strengthened my belief that with proper planning I can achieve that goal.

I will return. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

Video: (Also available in QuickTime)

If you can’t take watching a 10 minute video, skip to about 7 minutes in for some good suffer footage.

Photos:

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Haleakala IIV/”/]

Strava:

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Frank, truly inspirational. I have to admit, I was quite looking forward to your write-up of this and got really excited when I saw you had posted it! My favorite moments of the film: Michelle calling you a twat and saying anyone can do that, followed by your indecipherable facial expression, and your all-too decipherable face-melting as you come up to the summit. Oh, and you moaning on the ground at the end. Totally fucking awesome!

  • Frank, classic really liked the video as well. If you are ever looking for a new challenge try googling "KOM Taiwan", I can't post links). The pros tried both is ride in 2012 and it looked brutal

  • @Nate

    @frank

    @Leroy

    Epic effort Frank! What gearing were you running?

    39×25; You could do it on a 42 and gain a bit of mechanical advantage, but the 39×25 definitely got used, the little devil.

    I thought you looked like you could use more gears there at the end.

    Actually, I was in my 21; when my cardiovascular system is blown, I gravitate towards bigger gears - they are easier on the heart, harder on the muscles. In those cases, apparently, I will take the heart over the muscles.

    Doping Science disagrees, but I'm clean, so can't get a cardio oil change (transfusion), so fuck them.

  • @TommyTubolare

    @frank

    Hey Frank did you enjoy riding Veloflex tubulars?How did they feel?

    They are really great, really supple tires. For the price, they are very, very nice. We'll see how the rubber holds up in Seattle where most of the riding is urban, but they did great for the purpose.

    No tire feels like my FMBs, which I'm luck enough to have on two wheel sets. But bar those - these are great.

  • @Rob

    @frank

    @Rob, @all

    Thanks to everyone for their kind encouragement. Its a lot of fun putting this out there and making this a weird group thing. I feel like I'm suffering for you assholes too.

    And @Rob, I hold you largely responsible for this obsession of mine.

    Yes you are! And our A-holes appreciate it... Remind me (off line if that's more comfortable?) why I'm to blame??

    Read through the comments of the Paradox of Maturity article from 2011 and you'll be reminded - you got everyone whipped up about how fast I could go up - until then, I was just going to ride up. You made me care about how fast I could do it.

    I blame you, but I also love you for it - goes without saying!

  • Have any of you experienced DOMS after such a V-event?

    DOMS: Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness .(You cant even descend three steps on a staircase because of excruciating pain in the guns, sort of cramps, but not like common charlie horse. Occurs 3-7 days after ride) Ouch

  • @sengelov

    Have any of you experienced DOMS after such a V-event?

    DOMS: Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness .(You cant even descend three steps on a staircase because of excruciating pain in the guns, sort of cramps, but not like common charlie horse. Occurs 3-7 days after ride) Ouch

    3-7 days!  Bloody hell no, have you been sedentary during that period i.e.not riding....It is common to be sore next day, probably peaking 48hrs after a ride, but if you are fine for 3 days then suddenly get sore you are experiencing something that sounds like it has a cause....not sure.....lack of salt?.....further dehydration?......you did another hill climb in your sleep and forgot about it?

    You got me stumped!

  • @frank  Chapeau.  Strong riding - impressive sustained effort comes across on video.  Lose the hat.  That's got to be worth some weight off... and may give you the kick up the backside you need to add a Velominati cap to the kit list.  Nice wheels, strong riding position, even some Pantani-style climbing in the drops there... I'm sure there was some fluidly harmonic articulation at some point.  Looks a beast of a climb, but done on the first day of the year.  Well done, Sir.  You are insane.

  • @frank

    @Nate

    @frank

    @Leroy

    Epic effort Frank! What gearing were you running?

    39×25; You could do it on a 42 and gain a bit of mechanical advantage, but the 39×25 definitely got used, the little devil.

    I thought you looked like you could use more gears there at the end.

    Actually, I was in my 21; when my cardiovascular system is blown, I gravitate towards bigger gears - they are easier on the heart, harder on the muscles. In those cases, apparently, I will take the heart over the muscles.

    Doping Science disagrees, but I'm clean, so can't get a cardio oil change (transfusion), so fuck them.

    Interesting.  I gather the climb is a steady and not too steep grade until the very end?

    And which veloflexs were you riding?  I've got a pair aging in the garage.

  • @frank

    @Rob, @all

    Thanks to everyone for their kind encouragement. Its a lot of fun putting this out there and making this a weird group thing. I feel like I'm suffering for you assholes too.

    And @Rob, I hold you largely responsible for this obsession of mine.

    That "weird group thing" is what the site is all about. Like when MrsDr eightzero let me invite a bunch of guys I met over the internet here to out hotel room. A beuatiful thing.

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