Categories: Defining MomentsLa Vie VelominatusLook ProThe Rides

Frank vs. The Volcano: Part Trois

Frank climbs at 9,000 feet on Haleakala. Photo: Elizabeth Keller

At some point, I reckon the idea may dawn on me that I’m not a climber. Eighty kilos and standing something just shy of two meters, I’m not clear on why climbing is what speaks to me most about Cycling; I’m certainly not built like a grimpeur. But there is no question about it; I love riding in the mountains. I only have to catch a sideways glimpse of a twisty ribbon of road from an airplane window or spot a lump on the horizon before my mind starts wandering towards what suffering may be hidden there.

And that may be the key to it, it’s very easy to suffer on the climbs. Fighting the acceleration of gravity means that even by riding at a constant speed up a climb, we’re effectively accelerating our mass along the gradient. In my case, that’s a lot of mass, and in Haleaka’s case, its a lot of gradient aggregated over a lot of distance.

My love affair with this particular mountain started the same way my first elementary school crush did; I approached and was summarily rejected. I returned half a year later with the dual goal of not cracking completely and setting a high (low?) water mark for future attempts. Eighteen months on, in reasonable condition and at a reasonable weight given the human urge during the cold winter months of eating foods consisting of meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes and serving them over meats, heavy sauces, and potatoes.

My training allowed me to ride at threshold for 3 and a half hours; a statistic which supports what makes Haleakala such a unique effort. No other ride affords the rider the opportunity to suffer so comprehensively and without respite. The last ten minutes of the effort were an anaerobic patchwork of pain and agony. The winds kicked up as I worked my way up the mountain, serving to amplify both my suffering and my fatigue. Wind is a cruel thing; you push hard into it in a vain effort to maintain your speed, and as you do it saps your strength and more quickly depletes The V-Stores tucked away in your body. To say nothing of your morale.

Riding Haleakala without cracking is one thing; to ride it with the intent of setting a personal best is another thing entirely. Even despite my feather-light Cafe Roubaix Haleakala wheelset, I came up short of my personal goal of 3:30, but thankfully the high winds on the day have strengthened my belief that with proper planning I can achieve that goal.

I will return. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

Video: (Also available in QuickTime)

If you can’t take watching a 10 minute video, skip to about 7 minutes in for some good suffer footage.

Photos:

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Haleakala IIV/”/]

Strava:

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

mcsqueak says:

Jan 10 2013 at 4:04 pm

Finally had a chance to watch the video while at home sick yesterday.

Top marks to Frank for making it to the top and besting his time yet again!

I couldn't decide if it was really sad or sort of funny when you collapsed at the end. Looked like it fucking hurt. I'm glad Michelle was there to yell at you to get out of the street!
HeinrichHauslersHairstyle says:

Jan 10 2013 at 4:24 pm

Chapeau Frank. I rode Canberra's 3 peaks ride last week. MtAinslie, Black Mountain and Red Hill. I rode so slowly up Mt Ainslie that a mob of kangaroos perched halfway up the Mount just stopped grazing and stared at me as I humped by them, normally they'd bound away but could tell from my low speed I was no threat. Cervelo S5s with 66mm rims are not climbing bikes...
Dan_R says:

Jan 10 2013 at 7:58 pm

Frank,

After watching this display of sheer guts, I can onlt say that I am pround, in some dmented sick overture, to have played a minor small part. Chapeau!
Dan_R says:

Jan 10 2013 at 8:00 pm

I trust you will not mind becoming Cafe Roubaix's first profiled athlete on our website.
MIkael Liddy says:

Jan 10 2013 at 10:18 pm

@frank

@girl

Well done. Awesome effort. I did a very hilly - scratch that- very mountainous ride here in Aus the day before your ride. Your mountain was way bigger than mine. I think I left some of my body parts in the snowy mountains where we were riding. seemed like an easy way to make my body a lighter climbing weight.

I've contemplated the same thing. It's hard to cut off a perfectly good limb just because its an easier way to drop a Schleck than quitting beer, but a little bit of frost bite makes the decision much more palatable.

I didn't realize there was anywhere in Aus that had snow. Figured the whole continent as being a little homey slice of mars.

If she was in the Snowys then this is the type of scenery she'd have been seeing, only there'd have been none of the white stuff around at the moment given the 40+ temps that have been sweeping the country lately...on a similar note we could have some reverse Rule #9 conditions for the Adelaide Cogal should the long forecast be believed.
girl says:

Jan 10 2013 at 11:56 pm

@frank

@girl

Well done. Awesome effort. I did a very hilly - scratch that- very mountainous ride here in Aus the day before your ride. Your mountain was way bigger than mine. I think I left some of my body parts in the snowy mountains where we were riding. seemed like an easy way to make my body a lighter climbing weight.

I've contemplated the same thing. It's hard to cut off a perfectly good limb just because its an easier way to drop a Schleck than quitting beer, but a little bit of frost bite makes the decision much more palatable.

I didn't realize there was anywhere in Aus that had snow. Figured the whole continent as being a little homey slice of mars.

We get a bit of snow in a few mountainous regions and occasionally in freakishly cold places like Canberra. Though our snow really doesn't deserve to be classified as snow compared to the snow in other places. With the 40 deg C temperatures here today I can understand why you would think we don't get any snow.
girl says:

Jan 11 2013 at 12:10 am

They were the roads we were riding. You know you are up high when the poles on the side of the road change from white to red and stand 6 foot tall. There was snow, patches way up high on the mountains.
minion says:

Jan 11 2013 at 12:50 am

@frank

I didn't realize there was anywhere in Aus that had snow. Figured the whole continent as being a little homey slice of mars.

Mars must have seasons, so that's not necessarily an invalid comparison. Culturally, of course it's spot on.
Roberto Marques says:

Jan 12 2013 at 12:14 pm

Frank, congrats! Really! Or as we say down here in Brazil...DU CARALHO!!!!
Dr C says:

Jan 12 2013 at 3:37 pm

@frank

RESPECT