I can can feel his cold breath on my back, like a shadow drifting through an alleyway. He’s not yet upon me, but the Man with the Hammer is lurking nearby. I’m not even sure he has the intention to strike; he’s just staying close, cruelly reminding me that my fate is in his hands.
I feel the heaviness in my legs from the first turns of the pedals as the road tilts upwards; its not the usual resistance that I know will spin out once I find my rhythm because finding my rhythm will be impossible when the pace is as it is. I’m not on the rivet yet, but the pressure foretells my future; no graceful arcs of the pedals, I’ll soon be pedaling squares in search of the power I need to hold the wheel in front of me.
The pitch changes, not steeper but the change disrupts whatever grasp I had on the rhythm and the gap opens a bit. Handlebars are chewed and the gap is closed again, for now. I know it, and the shadow knows it: this is a temporary fix, not a long term solution. The end is coming, but I’m determined to hold it off for as long as possible. The next symptom is that I can’t find a gear that works, I’m shifting constantly, back and forth between the same two gears trying to find the magic ratio that lets me hold the tempo more easily.
All the shifting of gears has broken my concentration and I as I look up I discover I’ve let the wheel go without even noticing it. The shadow reminds me that I hadn’t even cracked yet but I let it go just because I let my tired mind occupy itself with a detail like what gear I’m in when what really matters is pushing on the pedals. The price I pay is more handlebar chewing and clawing back onto the wheel. The effort means the end is just drawn that much closer, but still I will do anything to delay the inevitable.
I’m starting to wonder if I’ve dug too deep already, that if after the inevitable happens will I be able to limit my losses? Maybe the smart thing to do – I try to convince myself – is to let go and find a steady tempo to ride to the top. If I do that, I can probably bridge up on the false flat at the top, or on the descent. Failing that, I’ll catch them back on the flats.
But there is no catching back after letting go; it is the reality of our world. These are just the things we tell ourselves in order to face the harsh reality of getting dropped. The only thing that truly exists is the fact that I will be dropped, and that there will be a long, lonely road home.
The wheel in front moves a few centimeters ahead. I see it and push harder on the pedals but still the gap opens. It is only a meter now, but it might as well be a kilometer; the wheel is gone and I am alone.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
@piwakawaka
I loved that - Sir Brad setting out his stall for TdF inclusion - the word imperious came to mind - fine sight watching a trackie riding a long climb - a lot of doubting was evident in the line behind him - classy
Getting rolled, this is just mental, more cameras on more bikes!
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F7aH1bn6yUI
@Chris white socks,black shorts, white jersey, fucking awesome!
@piwakawaka and if Froomey's not there, that's the kind of riding that'd put him pretty close to the top of the bookies list.
Ahh, ya gotta love Sean Kelly. The man speaks from so much experience. Here's a choice, and marvelously insightful, comment on yesterday's wet stage and how he thinks it might play out..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6_KAwV8DL8
@Dr C
That climb pretty much defined casually deliberate.
@wiscot
Feeken mayhem! I love that.
@frank
Truer words have not been spoken.
I recently had a stretch where the stress of work, school, house renovations, and the impending arrival of the Velominipper really started to get the best of me. I really started to feel all of the mental and physical effects that kind stress puts on me.
Not coincidentally, this all happened during a period of about two weeks where I just didn't have the chance to ride. A nice 90kms on Saturday did wonders to improve my well-being!
Here's to bike therapy.
Great article and following commentary. Interesting article on the components of metntal toughness and training it found here:
http://www.scienceofrunning.com/2014/05/the-psychology-of-mental-toughness.html
I hope the author, or the community here, explores the subject more. And yes, the article is on a a running site, but I make two points in my preemptory defense of posting it.
1. Cyclists know how to suffer, but they aren't the only ones. Frank will hopefully confirm this from his Nordic ski racing days. And Alpinists may win the GC of the Tour of Suffering, which leads to the second point of my defense.
2. I was referred to the article by a share from alpinist Steve House. I wasn't visiting a running site!
@VeloSix
Yes, I have the power to read minds. Remember that if we ever have the chance to ride together.
@fignons barber
Wow, high praise. Completely undeserved, but appreciated.
This is the problem with the peloton these days; no panache. Just racing from 5km out and calling it a day.