La Vie Velominatus: Addiction
I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my breathing. I fixate on how much I feel it in my legs to the point where I find myself in a meeting, rubbing them to gauge how soft they’ve gotten. (Must learn to stop doing that in public as it can’t possibly improve my social standing. I’m tempted to cite the fact that I’m a Cyclist and it is normal in our circles, but I’m afraid that will only serve to drag the rest of you down with me rather than prove my case.)
For most uf us, life gets in the way of Cycling when we’re not careful to ensure it doesn’t, and having a goal sketched out before you can be helpful in keeping focus. In the run-up to Keepers Tour, I managed to stay disciplined and make room in my schedule to get on the bike regularly enough to get fit. But goals also have the effect of leaving a void once attained. In the aftermath of the trip, I’ve been hopelessly caught between conflicting priorities as I struggle to catch up after those few weeks away; without a goal in sight to make sure the bike gets assigned its due importance, I find myself riding the bike less than I’ve become accustomed to.
Of course, I do find satisfaction with each ride I manage to get out on, and I take comfort in the knowledge that things will settle down again and balance will be restored. It is during these times, however, when the feeling in my legs, lungs, and bones serve to constantly remind me that I’m a little less fit than I was yesterday that I realize what the bicycle is: an addiction.
I don’t want to speak for anyone else, but I wouldn’t be able to make a convincing argument against anyone classifying me as having an addictive personality. And, based on the assumption that you’re reading this and relate on some level to what I’m saying, then you probably have one, too; it seems to be a bit of an occupational hazard for the Velominati. Consider the following from WikiPedia, which represents a body of work by people whose credibility and identity is impossible to verify. Everything but the bit about “weak commitment” and “stress” rings true:
An individual is considered to be at the risk of developing…addictions when he/she displays signs of impulsive behavior, nonconformity combined with a weak commitment to the goals for achievement valued by the society, a sense of social alienation, and a sense of heightened stress. Such a person may switch from one addiction to another; or even sustain multiple addictions at different times.
The article goes on to define this condition as a “brain desease”. That sounds more “insulting” than it does “scientific”, but I have no choice but to submit to the authority of those whose credibility I can’t disprove. So, in the face of an overwhelming lack of evidence of being incorrect, it has to be assumed that we (or at least I) have broken brains, though as I write this I suppose this fact shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has been paying any attention at all. On the other hand, we already aspire to be heroin-thin, so I suppose it’s fitting that we have an addiction to go along with the appearance.
Having told you now what you presumably already knew, I’ll close with the following sentiment: so long as I’m destined to be addicted to something, I’m glad it is Cycling, which I consider to be something healthy and positive, instead of something destructive like crack or reading.
Vive la Vie Velominatus.
@frank
I like about 5 minutes of light warmup but that’s it. Cycling has always been best for me when I live near the base of a hill and I can have a decent climb right away. To this day it feels weird to me to go on a ride that’s flat from the start for any significant distance.
@frank
For the last few days I’ve been having issues with the comment feed on the right side of the page — it doesn’t update, or won’t load more history when I click on “Older.” Not sure if this is all of a piece.
@Steampunk
Yeah that’s the downside of my area, there are hills if I *want* them, but plenty of flat to tempt me into being a lazy bum. Some days I’m compelled to hit a climb and then move on to the next one, and other days I just sort of feel meh about them, and wuss out. And since climbing is one of my many weaknesses, that is not the best for personal development on the bike!
@mcsqueak
Well, not all climbs are equal, and I’ll be the first to confess that I rarely take the hardest climbs out of the valley as consistently as I should. I am, however, forced to get the heart rate up reasonably quickly. And less steep usually means greater distance.
Actually, it’s funny: on a couple of recent rides out of town””the Wisconsin mini-Cogal and recently down near Hamilton, NY””I found I wasn’t quite right, and realized I hadn’t taken in a decent-sized hill to get the ride started. Once I’d got a bit of climbing in my legs, the rest of the ride sorted itself out. I think @frank‘s comment is about right: breaking through that first wall early helps the body to adjust to the rigours of a hard ride.
@frank
Not so much a need for a warm up (although i always do ten minutes easy to start a ride) but it usually takes about thirty minutes before the the rush of endorphins hits me like something from “the Needle and the Damage Done”. I usually push pretty hard after the first ten minutes, but that euphoric wave at around thirty minutes is stunning to me. Total junkie right here, man.
I’ve been finding that if I take 30mins to warm up I end up just slacking.
Got a job for the summer with 48hr/wk probably do an hour over everyday so more like 54, no clue how I’m going to feel for riding next week.
Hi, my name’s il ciclista and I’m an addict (“hi Ciclista” chorus from the rest of the Velominati).
I’ve had this habit for nearly 30 yrs now with no sign of ever being close to being “clean”. Sure, I’ve had some short periods where I haven’t fed that habit. I even put the weight back on but, sure as the sun comes up, I’m back looking to “get on” as soon as possible. My family has spoken to me about the “problem” to no avail….
Mrs. Ciclista has told me I would rather spend more time “gettin’ on the gear” than getting on her (wink, wink! This is highly debatable by the way!).
I’ve spent hours on the stuff at a time. I can’t help it, the highs are just too good. The come down after a really good sesh’ can be debilitating but I’m back at it the next day as soon as I can get on. I reckon I’ve spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on the stuff over the years. Sure, I’ve got something to show for it but I can never get enough. I need to score more and more constantly. I have “dealers” everywhere ready and willing to sell me more shit. Fuck, I can even order this shit on-line without anyone even knowing what the fuck I’m doing or what I look like! I even watch other people doing this shit live on-line as well (yes, yes, go harder, faster, oh god, don’t stop you fucker) just to satisfy the craving.
Will my addiction ever stop? Merckx, I hope not nor do I need help. I just want to live my life the way it suits me and enjoying my habit till my dying days. In fact, if I was to OD whilst on the gear, then my life will not have been wasted at all.
thank you all.
(some sobs, some cheers and some nods in agreement from the Velominati)
Behold, the v-cog bar plug goodness:
Hear hear!
Addiction is a bitch. And so is withdrawal!
In the months leading up to my unit’s deployment to Afghanistan, I felt the year-long void approaching my guns, the enormous gravity of which breeds an anxiety one can only classify as a “known unknown.” It seemed only with this looming withdrawal was I able to get some decent mileage in, setting aside [if only partially] the daily excessive alcohol intake which is virtually codified in the service contract of a lower-enlisted Infantryman.
And here I am, 6 months in – the halfway point. Somehow, withdrawal has not gotten any easier. In fact, it’s much worse. Somehow, I am more addicted now than ever before. 6 months of tax-free earnings and hazardous duty pay – nearly entirely squandered on a mountainous bounty of cycling goods awaiting my return to the states. Every night, while my comrades are calling their loved ones on the satellite phone, there I am on the computer next to the phone, researching ever-more hair-brained fantasies of possible minute reconfigurations of the bike build I’ve already finalized after ump-teen hours of research, revision, and ebay purchasing. And yet I still don’t know – will the saddle I chose be a vicious ass-hatchet, or a proper Velominatus Throne? How horribly will I mess up my first tubular glue job? White cable housing or black? Cross them under the downtube or preserve angle of entry into BB cable guide? Perhaps these bidons will match the frame better. And oh, looky, a SLAM THAT STEM headset bearing cover… It never ends.
In two weeks I’ll be back home for 15 days of R&R – hardly enough time to tune-up the guns, but enough time to build up this dream steed, take in a deep drag from the The V pipe, and get spit off the back of a training crit. Relapse has never sounded so good.
I might as well be Tyrone Biggums with a crack rock dangling from a stick in front of my face.
@eightzero
Sweet!
@il ciclista medio
Testify!
Just once in a blue moon a little surprise comes my way. My VH was berating my obsession with bikes the other day to a divorced friend, who smartly responded…”there are worse things he could be addicted to”, this lack of collaboration from a trusted friend was like a slap in the face to her…stunned silence was then followed by a meek “well I suppose you are right”….She came home and immediately told me I could go buy my Argon 18 Gallium frame I had been lusting after for some time…..RESULT! Piccies to follow at the end of the summer.
The personality aspect of it is interesting – within the realms of taste and confidentially I’d be interested to know whether people have had other actual addictions, as with Xyverz. Or is it just a general obsession/passion.
I’ve never been an addictive type. I smoked cigarettes for a year and gave up, I smoked dope for years and gave up, I drink in the evenings and stop at two glasses. My training tends to be pretty consistent, whatever is going on – 10,000kms a year, year in year out.
I love riding and would certainly be annoyed and unhappy if I couldn’t ride for some reason, but I would probably set about finding something else to do.
I’m not saying this with a sense of superiority – just a sense of difference. I find it hard to understand the impulses and needs of addiction, which is why I’d be interested to know if it extends into other areas of people’s lives.
And are there other non-addictive Velominati, or am I the weirdo ?
@ChrisO
I think you’re being entirely too reasonable. To be fair, addiction is probably an intentionally strong word to use for the cycling passions of most, if not all, of us. Physical addiction requires physical withdrawal symptoms/illness. The line between psychological addiction and ‘strong inclination’ or preference for something, however, seems to be a bit less distinct and I’m not sure what the criteria are exactly. Many people claim ‘psychological addiction’ to marijuana, for instance, but I think it just takes the right motivational circumstances to sack up and get over it.
Personally, my experience with substances roughly mirrors yours, however I never got into cigarettes, and tend to drink one or two more beers than is prudent on most evenings. I do have people in my extended family who struggle with addiction, however, and they do seem to fixate on certain things aside from just drugs – typically social/financial drama.
@ChrisO @Velosophe I definitely fixate on things, and would have to class some of my fixations as dependence.
However, I have never been so into something giving it up made me sick, so perhaps I’ve never had an addiction?
I really don’t want to try and find out by giving up my main vices, which I would class in rough order of importance as riding, beer, coffee and cycling forums.
Essentially this is all about semantics until one actually attempts to give up a vice/fixation/dependence/addiction…
SWMBO and I were watching a show about addictions a few nights ago, and a guy popped up with a cycling addction – Uni Professor, in his fifties and with a son in his twenties. He would cycle for 8 hours a day every day, a couple of hours on the road and the rest on an indoor trainer. Except he was in crippling pain when off the bike, could barely walk or stand up straight and his son had to beg him to go see a doctor. Both his hips were worn out, he needed both replaced and 3 months off the bike. He didn’t go for it cos 3 months was unacceptable, so he kept on with what he was doing. THAT guy was properly fucked.
@ChrisO
Good point and like you I am not an addictive type, slightly obsessive is more accurate. Although I do not consider myself obsessive/compulsive – things do not need to be perfect.
One interesting thing about my love of cycling is that it is family and generational. My mother and her sister were/are cycling fanatics and in the sixties they, nine first cousins and one husband would ride 85 km round trip to the beach 2 or 3 times a summer. They also commuted always and my aunt at age 80+ is still riding everywhere!
Out of the nine only two of us have the bug (my cousin got me into competition) and since childhood I have always had a bike except for 2 years at a hippie high school (emphasis on the high).
If I do not ride I am not unhappy but always I would rather ride than do anything else – I hate gyms/workouts, swimming is boring, walking except for in the woods is slow. Cycling in any form is good.
@minion
Steampunk?
@minion
Crazy!
That reminds me of what is perhaps the critical component of judging whether any behavior is addictive: harm to other areas of life due to the behavior. Damage to health, family/social relations, career and finances should all be considered.
For a cycling enthusiast, financial harm is an easy area to point the finger to. I myself walk a fine line with that one. But with few bills to pay, and no wife or kids, prioritizing my finances towards what I am passionate about seems justifiable enough. I tell myself, if I one day have the ‘wife and kids budget’, I will be glad I amassed a small mountain of bike schwag while I could.
Great as usual Frank!
Yesterday, I got out for a short ride. It was sunny, warm and a bit windy. I’ve had a awful spring in regards to training; Pneumonia during the PDX Cogal, followed by tearing up some tendons in my wrist from splitting wood, then a unexpectedly long and tough recovery from a otherwise common surgery for the VMH. So during this time off, I’d get out to the shop and at least stare at the steeds daily. To be back on now is fantastic. I’m in horrible shape, but I know that fitness will come in no time.
When I got home put my stand up in the driveway and laid out the parts for my buddies new SS (photos over on “Bikes”) and started assembling it the VMH said “you’re totally in your element now aren’t you?” My friend has had the frame for over a year and been slowly gathering parts. As I was wrapping the Fi’zi:k bar tape, I could sense the excitement he had for putting the tires to the road. In a sense, I passed the addiction on to another. I’m not sorry about that at all, and the last thing on my mind was spring. With absolutely no offense to anyone recovering “I got my fix” and I can’t wait for the one I get today.
This latest question here about obsession and addiction is interesting. I am not qualified to make an assessment of the line that divides the two, which means I will do so in a moment.
I think the two are definitely closely related, and I suspect the difference has to do with control and the associated negative impact of the dependency. And, I think addiction implies a chemical dependency so I think the only time that’s really true is if our bodies are producing a chemical or if someone is overly attached to their electrolyte mix.
But @ChrisO – I would say your description shows a lot of control that I don’t naturally have. I definitely want to keep drinking beer or wine until the supply is gone. Its only discipline that keeps me from doing that – in that regard, I have an addictive personality. I’m not one for half measures, and I do everything to the absolute maximum I can get away with. Am I actually chemically, physically, or physiologically addicted to Cycling? Probably not. But I’ve also never tried to quit and I don’t want to.
All-consuming passing that dominates every waking hour? Check. [Why else would we log on here as soon as we came in from a ride?]
Adverse effects on friends and family? Check. [Rule 11. Need I say more?]
Encourages dangerous behavior? Check. [Anyone NOT been knocked off by an SUV, separated their shoulder, had their foot slide under a car wheel when crashing on a main road, subjected both wrists to more x-rays and MRI scans than they care to recall after a spill, lost skin, hurt back and strained neck … all in the last two years?]
Distinctive appearance which differentiates the addict from “normal” society? Check. [Lycra. I rest my case.]
Self-help support groups exist to assist? Check. [Er, isn’t that why we’re here?]
Obvious and embarrassing side-effects? Check. [Rule 33. ‘Nuf said.]
Terrible side-effects of withdrawal? Check. [Seven weeks and counting off bike with a broken foot – I am past the irritable stage and well into the fat one.]
But, as the posts here attest, if it’s an addiction it is one more people should get. I would rather spend my money and time on bikes and physios [and the occasional orthopod (operation on foot looking increasingly likely)] than on golf and cardiologists; I would rather look at a hill with a wistful “I’d love to suffer up that” thought than a “fuck that, let’s drive” thought; I would rather have people laugh at my shaved legs than at my fat arse. Besides which, above all else, I love to ride.
@il ciclista medio
Hi il ciclista medio. It has been 5 hours since my last fix.
@G’phant
Amen! Good luck on the foot.
@Velosophe
Thanks. Good luck with the build!
@eightzero
Nice job! When’s the production run?
@frank
My standard work week is 55 hrs without overtime and with two kids under five, training has always been a challenge. I am amazed you can hold down a day job and run the site, chapeau! About a year ago I started commuting to work on the bike (30 mins each way) and then getting on a spinning bike for 40 min interval sessions at lunch, plus one 3 hr ride per weekend and my times and fitness have improved immensely. For me it’s all about finding a balance that I can maintain but also being brutal ie: if someone tries to book a business lunch telling them that unless they want to eat on the bike next to me not a chance. I do agree however that when you have a goal, it makes choosing the bike against all the other demands easier so the group I cycle with does one monster ride each 3 months with bragging rights to keep us all motivated.
@eightzero
Very nice!
@G’phant
Brilliant.
My guess is we all have a bit of an addictive personality otherwise why do we all keep logging in every day…..
@G’phant
As much as this whole article was written with tongue firmly in cheek, there is an element of sincerity to it (as with most of what happens here) – and you nailed it perfectly. Once again, you have put down in a few thoughts what I was trying to say in a poorly articulated load of paragraphs. Ah well, we all work to our strengths. I do, after all, have a full head of hair.
@G’phant
Oh, and I’m sorry you have to have your foot fucked, but if you’d just come on KT like you should have, you’d be riding right now.
@seemunkee
There is a company that makes bar plugs as a one-off run for anyone. 8-0 made up a set for him and for me (*blush*) but they are hella pricey. There is also a nutter in Oz who has worked out how to manufacture these things in a 3d printer and the samples are on their way to me. They will almost certainly be cheaper, but I haven’t seen them. Can’t wait, obviously. Maybe we will even offer them both. V-plugs are coming either way, or from two sides.
this is so true…I have minimized (if not stopped) my social interaction with people to be able to accommodate my cycling schedule with work and university.
now my days are this way: wake up – ride hard – go to university – work – come home – clean bike – sleep early and do it all over the next day…
@Velosophe
keep your head down, you’ve earned your pile of gear. Happy wrenching.
@G’phant
Spot on. Sorry to hear about your foot, heal up fast.
@seemunkee
Like @frank pointed out, they are hella spendy. But…I had to have a set, and given all that @frank has given me by having this site, I figured he had t have a set too. But…if you gotta have em, contact Kristina Bowcut at purelycustom.com.
They do look fucking great. Now I just gotta get up the guts to get the Man With the Hammer tattooed on my right gun:
@frank
I think I know that nutter in Oz. He posted samples earlier here;
http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/#comment-86490
@frank
Yeah, I know. The cycling gods are punishing me.
@Rob
Yeah I asked myself that too … Steamy any confessions to make?
quite reasonable till you realise his hips are fucked.
@Velosophe
I frequently ask myself the deathbed question – when I’m on my deathbed, what will I regret/what would I have rather been doing? Cycling doesn’t get answered in the negative at all.
I can relate to this article big time Frank.. My cycling addiction has carried me across to the other side of the world where I am lying on a bed, in a dive hotel in Grenoble, with my pulse racing contemplating riding Alpe d’huez tomorrow. This feels like an important and profound moment- I’m fully aware I will be riding in the wheel marks of giants of the road. My time to the top is not relevant to me, all that matters are the sensations of that climb..
Will be giving it some V for sure..
@Rigid
Going right to the source for your fix. Have a great ride.
This is my first time to try posting with my not smart phone. That’s sort of indicative of my cycling addiction, I think. I haven’t ridden today because of Mother’s Day commitments. So I substitute with surfing Velominati. And I watched the Giro today. And I’m agitated. It’s a stunningly beautiful day.
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little better now.
@Rigid Make sure you enjoy the views, but give it hell on the Alpe – very envious… hope you get good weather. Remember, the first three bends are the worst…that first ramp, god! after that, it is just stunning. Go crush it. Feed the habit.
@Rigid
Ride that thing into submission!
@Rigid
Look forward to reading about it. Have a blast.
Addiction? Whatever.
So I finished out last season with a Cat 5 RR State Championship (doesn’t say much for the state of Idaho I guess) and an upgrade to Cat 4. The winter was spent not putting on any extra pounds. Plodding away on the trainer 2-3 hours at a time watching old VCR tapes of various Grand Tours and Spring Classics. A Christmas present of six months of coaching from a racer that was seen driving the front of the peloton at the U.S. Pro Cycling Challenge a time or two had me chomping at the bit for the local racing season to begin to try out the larger caliber guns and see what double the training hours had wrought. Whoever said that Cat 4 is not much different than Cat 5 must not have been 50 years old and 25 pounds overweight. First race: DNF, second race: DFL (Dead Fucking Last). Yesterday was my third race – a race that I have won before. Last year I got in a ten man break and finished fifth in the bunch sprint. What did I get yesterday? Off the back and DFL!
What have I wanted to do all day (but can’t because it’s Mother’s Day)? Ride my fucking bike.
I need help.
@Cyclops
If you havent read it already, get hold of a book called Ten Points by Bill Strickland. There is a lot of writing about his racing progression – which is measured for a long while by how long he can hang on to the bunch. There is also some other personal stuff in there which I hope doesnt ring true for you (you will understand if and when you read it).
Normally takes about 3 weeks of racing to get used to the intensity of racing after off season training, in that time frame expect to suffer. The good thing is you’re not going to be a January star, (Or June star I guess in the northern hemisphere) where you’ve burnt all your matches in the first month of the season and spend the rest of the race calendar going backwards through the pack.
@cyclops, I prescribe attendance at the Seattle Summer Cogal. It will put you in the right frame of mind. In?
@Jeff in PetroMetro
A-Merckx. No ride for me today either, and a good but too short ride yesterday. I’m about to go out of my skin.
Addiction demonstrated for me this weekend by a friday night spent vomiting for no apparent reason leaving me f*cked and unable to race on saturday, so I did a gentle training ride solo after failing to convince anyone to join me, where I promptly fell off for the first time in twenty years. Oddly, I view this as a good thing, because the last time I crashed it really hurt and I was dreading this, inevitable folow up on the grounds that I don’t bounce as much as I used to and therefore it would be infinitely worse. I slid about fifteen feet, scuffed my shoe, removed three stitches from my favourite mitts,got dirty enough to look heroic, and that was about it. Didn’t feel anything the next day, so did an hour of intervals in preperation for this weekend’s treat – two day /3-stage race. After a nearly 20-year racing hiatus, I am loving being back in the ring.
@eightzero
Maybe, if I don’t live in Kentucky by then.