Gimmeeawheel!!!! I have a flat!

We want to look like Pros, sure, but what we’re really after is feeling Pro. All the aesthetics are just a tool we use to fuel the fickle internal combustion engine of Morale. In the end, there is little that will make you feel Pro more than clattering along a stretch of cobbles in a small group; instant “select breakaway”. One of the magical things about the cobbles is the risk of crashing is always there, so your adrenaline is always pumping. The other magical thing about the cobbles is that you have to ride them full gas to smooth them out, which means you have the combination of bombing along a tooth-rattling road at full gas with adrenaline coursing through your veins like it’s New York in 1984. And then Johan Museeuw blows by in the gutter and now it’s a real party.

The most Pro you’ll ever feel, however, is clattering along the cobbles, feeling your back rim start to hit the stones and realize the worst: you’ve got a flat. You don’t have any tools; in fact you have nothing in your pockets at all. But fear not, you just swing off, do a cyclocross dismount while reaching for you back QR skewer which you unlatch right as your second foot hits the ground. A snap of the seatpost and the wheel comes loose. You hold it up in the air and the support van screeches to a halt as the mechanic jumps out with a fresh wheel. Moments later, you’re back on the street, in the non-prostitute sense.

This is Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics. I’ve never had a flat on the cobbles, but I’ve seen it enough first-hand to attest to the above scenario. I also recognize that due to my hubris in mentioning the scenario, I will experience it firsthand this year.

Keepers Tour is back for 2015; based out of our Gite outside Lille, we’ll be crushing cobbles and watching the best races of the year in dust-covered front-row seats. Roubaix, Flanders, Wevelgem, we ride them all. Roubaix, Flanders, Scheldeprijs, we watch them all. This is an amazing time of year to be a Cyclist, and it’s the most magical time to be a Cyclist in Belgium. Our trip is 100% all-inclusive; get yourself to Lille and you will not need to spend a dime until you’re back in Lille nine days later.

The provisional agenda is below. Changes will likely be made but the basic agenda of major events will stay intact. All-inclusive cost for the full 9-Day Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2015 is €3,250. A 50% deposit will be collected in January, with the balance due upon arrival in Lille. Register on the Keepers Tour: Cobbled Classics 2015 event page.

  • Friday April 3rd: Pick up at Gare Lille Europe train station
  • Saturday April 4th: Paris Roubaix 100km discovery ride
  • Sunday April 5th: Spectate Ronde Van Vlaanderen Pro race at De Oude Kwaremont
  • Mon April 6th: 3h Flanders discovery ride + visit Jaegher Bicycles Workshop (and Malteni brewery-time permitting).
  • Tue April 7th: Morning visit National bicycle museum at Roeselare + 3h Gent Wevelgem ride
  • April 8th: Morning at Gent Velodrome + Scheldeprijs Pro Race
  • April 9th: Paris-Roubaix ride with the Pros 150km from Troisvilles to Roubaix
  • April 10th: Recovery ride around the gîte + AG2R Pro Team meeting
  • April 11th: Tour of Flanders ride + RVV Museum visit
  • April 12th: Spectate Paris-Roubaix Pro race at Troisvilles, Arenberg and Carrefour de l’Arbre. Drop off at Lille Rail station or hotel in the evening

 

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • The 'blows by in the gutter" video is great.  The music selection is as well.  Job well done!

     

  • This is going to be Fantastic! The Welliminati will be there in force, myself, @BianchDenti, @rigid and @Mikey are ready for a stoning! (Ok, we're nowhere near ready and probably never will be, but we'll be there.)

  • I am subtley trying to convince the VMH that we should reschedule the family tropical trip from that week to another, then a couple of weeks after we re-schedule I will casually bring up that I am planning on the Keepers Tour and that I will be spending most of evenings through Jan-Mar in the basement crushing it on the rollers or out on the CX bike in the snow and dark.  I don't see much could go wrong with this plan?

  • Wow that's quite an itinerary, made me decide to register and start getting involved rather than just sitting on the sidelines reading the articles in my lunch break :D

  • For reasons of both time and money I can't even consider doing it, but is one (or both) of the Saturday rides going to be a Cogal?

    I'd like to come over for the 4th to Roubaix, and I think a few other Euro-Velominati would do the same.

  • We have a crew of 4 in Outenaarde on the 4th for the Ronde van Vlanders Cyclo, but would detour back to Roubaix for a Cogal, and back on the 11th for the Paris Roubaix Challenge, so weekend would be great

  • @frank. There should be a rule for that. "And The Prophet did decree that thou shalt not write nor say the F word"

    "I've never had a flat on the cobbles, but I've seen it enough first-hand to attest to the above scenario. I also recognize that due to my hubris in mentioning the scenario, I will experience it firsthand this year."

    This is the worst F word. There are now three certainties in your life, the other two being death and taxes.

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