I’ve lost a lot of things that were, at some point or another, dear to me. At times, I’ve even cast them away deliberately, either because of a nurtured indifference or an irrational or impulsive dislike. Regret is an easy emotion to find in reflection, it lays right at the surface and provides us with a quick answer without requiring further introspection. I prefer to recognize that every choice I’ve made was an opportunity and that even the failed opportunities make up part of the foundation that lays beneath me and helps support me as I grow. Life is about learning from your mistakes, looking ahead, and seeking beauty in every approaching moment; to embrace the opportunity to make the best choice we can based on our experience and our goals.
We walk along an intertwined web of choices and possible futures. Every choice is a crossroads where the direction we choose sends us hurtling towards a new destination. Some crossroads have paths that ultimately lead towards the same end, but all of them represent a different journey. We cannot see the path, so we are left to decide what to make of the journey. We always have a choice, even if the choice is simply to reject an option. But even rejection leads to a new choice, and that to another. Choice gives us freedom. To be deprived of choice is to be enslaved.
My season’s objectives lie at my back and before me stretches a long period of time as I work towards my next milestone, which is Keepers Tour 2015. Between here and there lies the Cyclocross Season in which I will sporadically race, and also a possible trip up Haleakala, but with my season just having ended, I will face them without any special preparation or training. My rides during the Fall are deliberately without objective, I ride as my fancy dictates. My objective is simply to ride and to rediscover the basic sensations that fuel my love for Cycling.
With this deliberate lack of structure, I explore once again the mysteries of The V. On some days, I come home from work and as I pedal away my muscles twitch as they hunger for the deep burning that only a session in the Five and Dime can do. Yet on other days I am drained and wish only to feel my legs spin and surrender to the hum of my tires as my senses fill with the cool damp smells of Autumn. The mystery lies in the fact that nothing between my days at the office will have been fundamentally different; I do not know the state of my body and mind until I climb aboard the bicycle.
Riding a bicycle may have nothing to do with the elemental existence of humankind, but it does have something to do with the elemental existence of us as individuals. The bicycle is freedom, to be sure, but it is also a mystery unto itself while paradoxically helping unravel the mystery how I respond and interact with my surroundings. Therein lies the enigma: the bicycle knows me better than I know myself.
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The off season is quite the paradox: I find it mentally refreshing without the structure of the season, but then I get a bit testy as I watch my fitness wane. Talk about regret.
Maybe I should race cross a little more...
206mi route this Saturday... all I'm thinking is "here we go."
@unversio
Now that's how to end a season. Good on ya.
@unversio
Only mad dogs and Englishmen....
Well written, you create some vivid imagery there. But being in the Southern Hemisphere with my race season beginning in just over a week and then my longest race two weeks after that, I kind of smile at the fact that I am (hopefully) in the opposite form and frame of mind. But I do envy you getting on your bike and just pedalling over then next little while.
Wow, once again, what a timely article! Nice one, Big Frank!!
I've been feeling a bit detached from Following of late. Been busy working on our house, landing a new job, and simply just not being in the mood for rides longer than 2-3 hours. I had been feeling kind of guilty.
But, then I was out on a ride and realized that I've always gone through phases in my life, in all areas. Silly ones - I tend to eat the same things every day for periods (months, years even) and then without really noticing it, I won't have eaten those things in months.
In cycling, a couple years back I never would have guessed I'd own a slew of bikes and ride for a few hours a day. I was doing that and enjoying the cycling, but I was also neglecting other parts of my life and commitments. Now I'm doing pretty darn good, have found some balance, and I'm just not riding as much. That isn't to say I don't love cycling, I'm just in a new rhythm with it.
Today is the first day of a new job. And, I get to bike commute 40 minutes each way. Nice! Plus, I work with a friend and for a guy that I like. Not so bad.
What is great is that I've been dragging my feet in grad school for too long. Having this great new career opportunity I realized the #1 reason - my field requires all-in academic commitment, or else you simply can't find a decent job. Too much competition, not enough new hires. Finishing my degree meant...overeducated dude either working hard and getting underpaid or overeducated dude working at the LBS. Part of my ascent into riding tons was avoiding my degree work, avoiding finishing, as that likely meant a job not in my field.
All of that has changed and my life feels completely different. In a good way. Now that I have a job, finishing my degree is just the final hurdle in a long fucking academic career. I can always go back, having the degree, but there is GREAT potential with my new job.
Anyway, here is to new directions, new rides, new routes, new rhythms, and maybe just enjoying life and not feeling bad for only riding my bike for 1.5 hours a day. Cycling is still a huge part of my life, it's just a bit different than it has been of late. Nothing wrong with that. Change is healthy.
160k of relaxation this Saturday. Can't wait!
Transition into autumn here in Ireland, last real event of the season was in September. Everything came together in a beautiful crescendo and now I am contemplating a winter of training - heading into my second proper season of cycling.
Thoughts range from N+1 options, to weaving my first proper training plan provided by my coach into the daily commute, to observing the different sensations and appetites that are cropping up and how best to replenish and recover.
As the days get shorter and the temperature drops I feel like I am riding into a kind of caVe; where the attention goes inward and insights mined from moments of solitude on the bike are waiting for me.
@Frank your words are reminding me to not lose sight of why I am on this path, and to just BE with the breath and the nourishing autumn countryside that surrounds me.
@frank
Relish the struggle, that's the key.
Yes. Rule #74. No training, just riding. No power meter. No GPS. No computer. No math. V-meter only.
@unversio
It'll be one of the best days of your whole life.
@ron
The commute is my savior. If you're feeling bad about only riding for 90 minutes a day, something is grievously wrong.
@antihero
A good 12 hour day, an MX Leader (The Sword) with no data, 52/42, 11-20 straight block, roads mapped by memory, some serious Parallax socks to inspire my own space-time continuum, and the sound of silence.
My new journey starts when I finish.